{"id":623115,"date":"2019-05-21T17:03:22","date_gmt":"2019-05-21T17:03:22","guid":{"rendered":"
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\"7<\/p>\n
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\"7<\/figure>\n

These lessons\u00a0will set you up for success when you find the right person.<\/p>\n

But, what kind of lessons do you learn?<\/p>\n

Some of them may not be the first thing you think about when you\u2019re looking for true love but they\u2019re important.<\/p>\n

Here are 7 love lessons\u00a0you can learn from toxic relationships.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Learn what relationship red flags look like<\/strong><\/p>\n

Red flags are signals that there is something bad ahead.\u00a0Sometimes, they are clear but\u00a0sometimes, they are not.<\/p>\n

Oftentimes, we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen.<\/p>\n

What might a relationship red flag look like?<\/p>\n

Some are subtle. Perhaps he talks about his ex a lot\u00a0or he has a bad relationship with his mother.<\/p>\n

Perhaps he hasn\u2019t been able to hold down a job. Perhaps he refuses to talk about anything difficult.<\/p>\n

Some are more obvious. Perhaps he states that he doesn\u2019t want a serious relationship or that kids are out of the question.<\/p>\n

Perhaps he tells you that that male friend of yours has to go.<\/p>\n

The thing about relationship red flags is that often we see them and we ignore them or justify them away.<\/p>\n

Hopefully, unhealthy relationships will help you to recognize that those red flags can be accurate and that, if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have spared yourself a whole lot of pain.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0Know what not to do<\/strong><\/p>\n

One lesson that can be learned from being in a toxic relationship is\u00a0what\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0to do next time.<\/p>\n

Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship and many of us are in serial toxic relationships because of it.<\/p>\n

For many people, we tend to personalize things that happen in a relationship.<\/p>\n

If our guy comes home late, it\u2019s because they don\u2019t love us.<\/p>\n

If they don\u2019t put away their dirty laundry, they don\u2019t respect us. If they forget our birthday, we just aren\u2019t important to them.<\/p>\n

And while in some cases these things might be true, more often than not things that people do have nothing to do with the other person \u2014 they have to do with misjudgment and neglect.<\/p>\n

So, don\u2019t take things personally \u2014 it\u2019s not all about you. Another thing that people tend to do in unhealthy relationships is to be passive aggressive and to antagonize.<\/p>\n

Instead of confronting an issue head-on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our dissatisfaction and act on it.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, we continue to harp on an issue, cutting a thousand little cuts, to the point that our partner no longer cares about what our concerns are.<\/p>\n

These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others.<\/p>\n

Take a good hard look at what your role is in this relationship \u2014 unhealthy relationships rarely happen because of one person\u2019s behavior. Figure out what yours are and take note.<\/p>\n

3. Be aware that\u00a0enabling is not supporting<\/strong><\/p>\n

Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and you tried to save it by being supportive?<\/p>\n

Many of us, women in particular, believe that if we can just support our person that the relationship will hold.<\/p>\n

If we are patient while our partners work late hours or hold their hands when they feel insecure again\u00a0about something that happened at the gym or look the other way when they have that third vodka after dinner we believe that they will notice us and stay in love with us.<\/p>\n

And that, maybe, their troubling behaviors will change.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, this \u2018supporting\u2019 is really more \u2018enabling\u2019 and enabling is not good in any relationship.<\/p>\n

If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are ok.<\/p>\n

And if your partner\u00a0thinks their behaviors are ok, they will never change.<\/p>\n

If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.<\/p>\n

4. Figure out what traits you\u00a0want in a partner<\/strong><\/p>\n

One of the clearest lessons to learn from\u00a0bad relationships is\u00a0what it really is that you want in a partner.<\/p>\n

Even as we hold on to toxic people, we do start to very clearly see\u00a0 their shortcomings and we can, therefore, get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world.<\/p>\n

I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering.<\/p>\n

When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady.<\/p>\n

I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking.<\/p>\n

So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list, write it down, and refer to it often.<\/p>\n

5. Letting go is not giving up<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in toxic elationships tell me that they aren\u2019t walking away because they don\u2019t want to give up! That they aren\u2019t quitters.<\/p>\n

And I always tell them the same thing \u2014 that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren\u2019t working, then it\u2019s not a matter of giving up.<\/p>\n

You can only control your own efforts \u2014 only you can finish that\u00a0marathon \u2014 but you can\u2019t control someone else.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not giving up if your partner isn\u2019t giving their all as well.<\/p>\n

So, if you are struggling with \u201cgiving up\u201d,\u00a0don\u2019t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn\u2019t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.<\/p>\n

6. Be aware of how\u00a0strong you are<\/strong><\/p>\n

For those of us who survive unhealthy relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end) we know how strong we are.<\/p>\n

By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn\u2019t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.<\/p>\n

Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it.<\/p>\n

Letting go of unhealthy relationships is incredibly difficult \u2014 do it and you will feel stronger than you ever have before.<\/p>\n

7. Being alone is better than being unhappy<\/strong><\/p>\n

One thing that can become very clear when you are in a toxic relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.<\/p>\n

There is nothing worse than the day in and day out suffering from being in a toxic relationship.<\/p>\n

You wake up to it, it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night.<\/p>\n

Sure, when you are alone you might spend time on your couch binge watching\u00a0Game of Thrones<\/em>, but your time is your own.<\/p>\n

You can do what you want. And, while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it\u2019s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.<\/p>\n

Learning love\u00a0lessons from unhealthy relationships is a key part of finding love and happiness.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The goal is to not repeat history \u2014 not at work, not with parenting, not with behaviors and not with relationships.<\/p>\n

The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future.<\/p>\n

So, take a good look at all the bad relationships you\u2019ve\u00a0have had in your life and take inventory of what lessons you have learned so that you can do things differently in the future!<\/p>\n

You can do it! True love is out there waiting for you!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0628 \u0648\u0631\u062f\u067e\u0631\u0633<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

These lessons\u00a0will set you up for success when you find the right person. But, what kind of lessons do you learn? Some of them may not be the first thing you think about when you\u2019re looking for true love but they\u2019re important. Here are 7 love lessons\u00a0you can learn from toxic relationships. 1. Learn what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":623116,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-623115","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"\n7 Things a toxic relationship will teach you about love - Ghanamma.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/05\/21\/7-things-a-toxic-relationship-will-teach-you-about-love\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"7 Things a toxic relationship will teach you about love - Ghanamma.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"These lessons\u00a0will set you up for success when you find the right person. 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