Divorce-proof your marriage by focusing on what works.<\/p>\n
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No one gets married planning to get a divorce. Even couples who have an idea that maybe they ought not to get married still hope for the best when tying the knot.<\/p>\n
Even the best relationships have tiny red flags that reveal themselves before the marriage starts, but most couples, caught up in the excitement of being in love, overlook marriage advice and little premarital conflicts.<\/p>\n
You knew there were differences and problems \u2014 all marriages go through stages. All couples have conflict.\u00a0And even though no one is foolish enough to ignore reality, deep down most couples genuinely believe marriage makes love stronger.<\/p>\n
The only problem is that marriage has this funny way of magnifying the differences between you and your spouse.\u00a0Is there a way to know if a relationship has what it takes to last and if you can have a happy marriage in the end?<\/p>\n
We asked our YourTango Experts what strong marriages have in common. Here are\u00a06 early signs they said reveal if your marriage is divorce-proof and will last.<\/p>\n
1. You radically accept\u00a0each other\u2019s differences<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u201cIt may sound too simple, but a marriage lasts when couples\u00a0honour\u00a0each other\u2019s differences. When couples talk to us about their differences as challenges not as catastrophes, you know their marriage will endure. Your spouse is different from you. They think differently, they feel differently, and they use money differently than you. And it\u2019s not going to change.<\/p>\n
If he enjoys spending money,\u00a0work with that trait instead of trying to change him. If she likes a little risk to grow your money, buckle up and enjoy the ride. A marriage that lasts recognizes each other\u2019s differences-digs deep to learn about their strengths and weaknesses \u2014 and then works with those and stops fantasizing about changing that person.\u201d<\/p>\n
Scott & Bethany Palmer,\u00a0The Money Couple, are\u00a0financial planners, authors, and speakers who help couples\u00a0tackle money issues in their relationship.<\/p>\n
2. You love without limits\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you and your spouse accept and love each other as you are, that\u2019s a good sign your marriage will last.\u00a0This means you\u2019re embracing the good, not so good, and quirky sides of each other.\u00a0It also means you\u2019re both sharing your true thoughts and feelings which deepens your love.\u201d<\/p>\n
3.\u00a0You accept his past, and he accepts yours<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u201cRegardless of who he was, how many women he\u2019s been with, or his upbringing, you don\u2019t hold his past against him. You naturally allow him to reinvent himself and grow with you. You promise to never think you know everything\u00a0him,\u00a0and instead swear to approach each day with\u00a0the curiosity\u00a0of who he\u2019s becoming. Your relationship is the total\u00a0package (forgiveness and letting go of the past are NOT sold separately).<\/p>\n
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Clayton Olson\u00a0is an international relationship coach, master NLP practitioner, and facilitator who delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops.<\/p>\n
4. You put each other first<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u201cCouples are on solid ground in their relationship when they\u2019ve made the transition from \u2018me\u2019 to \u2018us\u2019 in that their first priority is to make each other feel safe and secure. They apologize after a fight for their part in the conflict, even if they think they\u2019ve only contributed two\u00a0percent\u00a0to the problem. They let the other know regularly what they appreciate, and their sexual connection feels satisfying.\u201d<\/p>\n
Deborah Fox, MSW\u00a0is a couples\u00a0therapist and Certified Sex Therapist, helping couples reconnect and find their way back to a\u00a0passionate relationship.<\/p>\n
5. You communicate with kindness<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u201cYou know your marriage is going to last when you are able to talk about any topic, even the challenging ones, in a calm and open manner. You approach these conversations as an opportunity to learn about your partner, not to get your own way. You embrace your differences and recognize that you are stronger when you work as a team than as individual players.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lesli Doares\u00a0is a therapist, couples coach, and the founder of a practical alternative for couples worldwide looking to improve their marriage without traditional therapy.<\/p>\n
6. You\u2019re friends who enjoy quality time together<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u201cAccording to John Gottman, marriages are based on deep friendship and shared meaning.\u00a0Happily married couples are able to resolve conflict without\u00a0resorting to negative\u00a0behavior\u00a0like name-calling or criticizing. Successful couples\u00a0are interested in understanding the internal world of the other \u2014 \u00a0they remain curious\u00a0and open to each other. The relationship is not without problems but the couple remains loving and accepting of one another.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lea Roussos\u00a0is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private\u00a0practice,\u00a0and is also\u00a0a\u00a0Clinical Supervisor of Santa Monica Counseling Center.<\/p>\n
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