File photo<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n I remember reading a story about Halle Berry that included a mention of her abusive marriage. She recounted her mother\u2019s advice on handling men who mistreat women: \u201cIf a man hits you, you get out as fast as you can. You leave smoke.\u201d<\/p>\n
For whatever reason, that quote always stuck with me, especially as I learned of friends dealing with unhealthy relationships. Back then, I wondered why they stayed. But as I got older I began to understand, especially when I became one of those women who stayed way past a relationship\u2019s expiration date.<\/p>\n
And like many other women, I made excuses and didn\u2019t know when enough was enough.<\/p>\n
Here are five signs you shouldn\u2019t marry him that give you the green light to walk away, even when you\u2019re not 100 percent sure you\u2019re doing the right thing. (Spoiler alert: You are.)<\/p>\n
1. He gets violent, even if he doesn\u2019t hit you.<\/b><\/p>\n
You may think this is a no-brainer but it isn\u2019t. Most women I know who\u2019ve been in abusive relationships have immense strength, only to shut down in the presence of her partner\u2019s anger and violence. As a strong woman myself, I froze when a guy I\u2019d been dating went into a rage one night, throwing things, damaging property and calling me names.<\/p>\n
I knew it was a deal-breaker because even though he didn\u2019t put his hands on me, he scared me. No healthy relationship can be built off a foundation of fear because you never know when his actions may escalate.<\/p>\n
2. He cheats.<\/b><\/p>\n
Many people will say this point is debatable because lots of couples who have fidelity issues repair their relationship and end up in a better than where they were pre-cheating. But it\u2019s not the act of cheating that\u2019s the deal-breaker here; it\u2019s the disrespect, broken trust and significant risk to your health. (Hello, STDs!)<\/p>\n
With all the risks that hang in the balance for just a tiny bit of pleasure, it\u2019s entirely inconsiderate and selfish when a man cheats on you. Do you want someone who puts his wants before your needs, like security and trust? I don\u2019t, which is why I\u2019ve said BYE to cheating men.<\/p>\n
3. He doesn\u2019t claim or proclaim you.<\/b><\/p>\n
Many women will spend time in limbo-like relationships with guys who won\u2019t give them the girlfriend title. Here\u2019s the truth: If you\u2019ve been dating a man for longer than six to nine months and he hasn\u2019t made you an official part of his life, it\u2019s time to MOVE ON. Stop making excuses for why things aren\u2019t progressing to the next level; you\u2019ll only waste time, and your time is worth more than that.<\/p>\n
These days, I don\u2019t settle for less because I don\u2019t want a man who makes me a bargain-bin find. If he knows your worth, he\u2019ll claim and proclaim you and there will be few conversations about how \u201che isn\u2019t ready.\u201d<\/p>\n
4. He suffers from addiction.<\/b><\/p>\n
There are plenty of honor badges to be earned by standing by your man when he\u2019s fallen on hard times. But CAUTION: if you stick with a man fighting demons, namely addiction, you\u2019re in for disappointment. Addiction can range from less-severe, like cigarettes, to major issues such as drug, alcohol and sex. Someone who suffers from an addiction will do anything \u2014 and I mean anything \u2014 to get their fix, even at the expense of those they love. So unless you\u2019d like to be second to whatever vices he has, it may be time to \u201cleave smoke.\u201d<\/p>\n
5. He gaslights you.<\/b><\/p>\n
We\u2019ve spoken about gaslighting, which is the manipulative act of someone attempting to change your memory or perception of events in their favor, making you feel crazy or like you\u2019ve forgotten something. But when is gaslighting a deal-breaker and one of the signs you shouldn\u2019t marry him, you ask? The answer is, when it happens.<\/p>\n
A man who resorts to manipulative tactics to have his way or \u201cwin\u201d an argument will continue to play mind games and be dishonest with you. When I experienced gaslighting in my relationships, I felt crazy and my self-esteem plummeted until I understood the game that was being played. Take advantage of the situation and leave immediately; it\u2019s the best thing you can do for yourself.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n<\/div>\n
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File photo<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n