File Photo<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n A breakup is usually about as pleasant as a root canal, with a big dose of emotional turmoil thrown on top. Even if you know the relationship is kaput, the splitting process can bring out the worst in people.<\/p>\n
To help yourself, and avoid giving your ex ammo by seeing you hurt or vengeful, try focusing on the bright side. Yes, there is one!<\/p>\n
Relationship expert, Lisa Steadman, bestselling author of It\u2019s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown, says everyone processes the end of a relationship differently, but if your goal is to accept it and move on, there are some actions to sidestep for a healthy recovery.<\/p>\n
Steadman advises her clients to avoid these four common pitfalls when it comes to finding new happiness after a breakup:<\/p>\n
<\/b>\u2022 Thinking more about your ex than yourself: When a woman is in the midst of a breakup, it tends to take centre stage. All that energy is really a waste though, says Steadman, because it only heightens the negative emotions.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s really easy to focus on what\u2019s next for an ex \u2013 who will he date, what he will do \u2013 but a woman should really refocus on herself instead.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/b>\u2022 Cyberstalking: The days of waiting until after dark to drive by your ex\u2019s place to see if he was home, and who he is with, are long gone.<\/p>\n
Sure, the creepy drive-by option still exists but social media has made it easier than ever to check in on exes, and from anywhere. Though the temptation is strong, avoid following your ex online.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe best approach is to just remove him from your social media pages,\u201d said Steadman. \u201cIt will only upset you and make you feel like you\u2019re missing out.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/b>\u2022 Rebound sex : Getting \u201cback out there\u201d is healthy after a breakup and flirtation can actually be a mood-booster. However, those good feelings can turn sour quickly if the interaction turns too physical.<\/p>\n
\u201cRebound sex can actually send you running back into the arms of your ex,\u201d said Steadman. \u201cYou miss the comfort from the relationship sex and when it\u2019s not the same, it can be very unsettling.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/b>\u2022 Self hate or pity: No matter who\u2019s responsible for the breakup, women tend to shoulder the burden and turn it into something deeply personal, especially as they get older, according to Steadman.<\/p>\n
\u201cWomen see all of their friends settling down, getting married, and having kids\u2026 they think, what\u2019s wrong with me? Now I have to start all over again,\u201d said Steadman. \u201cAnd it can feel very exhausting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead of worrying what everyone else is doing, though, Steadman says you should just zero in on what\u2019s positive in your life and remind yourself of what was wrong in the relationship.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t view a breakup as a failure,\u201d she said. \u201cIt isn\u2019t about everyone else. It\u2019s about you and your next steps.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rationality is not always easy to come by when matters of the heart are at stake, but putting a positive spin on a breakup can bring closure and peace faster.<\/p>\n
Think about all of the good stuff in your life, like healthy friendships, how well school or your career is going, how supportive your family is, and what your next steps are in terms of chasing what you\u2019re passionate about. A bad relationship can hold you back, so you\u2019re much better off with this fresh start.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe best news ever is when a woman looks back and says that she\u2019s glad she broke up with an ex,\u201d said Steadman. Just remember that you\u2019ll be okay, and you will find happiness again.<\/p>\n
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