Below, dating and marriage experts share 10 signs you’re in a relationship that’s no longer worth all your time and energy.
You’re settling for Mr. or Ms. Good Enough.
There are plenty of things in life you can settle for: this year’s vacation destination, the car you put a down payment on, your cell phone provider. But you absolutely, 100 percent cannot settle on who you choose to spend your life with, said Virginia Gilbert, a marriage and family therapist. If your partner doesn’t fulfill you intellectually, emotionally or sexually — or if you’re just biding time with him or her because you’ve grown comfortable — it’s a disservice to both of you, she added.
Your partner is your harshest critic.
Your partner should be your ride-or-die bestie, your partner in crime and your biggest cheerleader all rolled into one. If moral support is in short supply or if nitpicking and criticism are constants in the relationship, it’s a very troubling sign, Alicia H. Clark, a Washington D.C.-based psychologist, opined.
You don’t share a sense of humor.
Does s/he roll his eyes every time you make joke or does s/he laugh like you are a professional comedian? It might seem minor but if your partner doesn’t laugh with you, it’s problematic, said Gilbert. Life is hard; you’ll need someone in your corner who’ll roll with the punches and try to keep the mood light when the unexpected happens, she explained.
You’re more in love with the fantasy of who your partner could be rather than who he or she really is.
When you’re in love, it’s easy to overlook any incompatibilities and fantasize about who he or she may be someday: Yes, she’s a homebody who’d rather play World of Warcraft all weekend long than travel but maybe someday she’ll want to tag along. Or sure, he doesn’t want kids now but maybe someday he’ll change his mind.
Don’t fall into this trap; if you’re more in love with the fantasy of your partner than who he or she really is, you need a major reality check, said Marina Sbrochi, a dating coach and the author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life.
You’re just not that into his or her family (or they’re just not that into you).
It doesn’t bode well for your future together if you’ve met the parents and really don’t like them, said Gilbert. It’s even worse if your partner continually takes their side in arguments and doesn’t seem to have your back.
You’re constantly wondering why your partner’s behavior doesn’t match up with his or her words.
Figuring out where your bae was on Saturday night shouldn’t be a difficult nut to crack. If you’re often wondering what your partner is up to when you’re not around — or he always seems to be telling some half-truth — you may want to ask yourself if the relationship is really worth the worry.
Your personal goals are at odds.
The best relationships are built on a strong sense of partnership: As a couple, you should know and deeply believe in each other’s individual dreams — and those life goals should more or less be compatible. If you start to realize how at odds your hopes for the future are, you may need to step away from the relationship.
You’ve felt more insecure since you’ve been in the relationship.
Your self-worth should in no way be tied to your partner’s opinion of you or your relationship status; your worth as a person comes from inside. That said, if your partner makes you feel unloveable or unsure of yourself to the point of anxiety, you need to address the issue.
You’re thinking about someone else.
If you’re actively wondering if the grass would have been greener with your college boyfriend, you may be in some trouble, said Sbrochi. Also a bad sign? Fantasizing about what life would be like if you were single again. Ask yourself why you’re seeking things outside the relationship. When you find these answers, you can work on your relationship — or decide to go your own way
You need to change who you are to keep your partner satisifed.
There’s not one couple in the world who loves everything about each other. But if your partner looks at you as his personal pet project — someone he feels compelled to change in order to be worthy of him — you’re definitely in the wrong relationship.
