Ask Yourself These Series Of Questions Before Starting A Fight With Him

I have news for you; even the most docile, sweet and patient friend in your group (the one who never fights with her boyfriend in public) gets mad sometimes. The reason she seems calmer and cooler than the rest of you though, and the reason she has less relationship fights to vent about is because she asks herself a series of questions before flying into a rage. I know it’s hard to not just tell your partner how it is when he makes your blood boil. And since we’re taught so steadfastly to communicate and talk about our feelings, why can’t we do that when our feeling is “I’m Mad”, right? Well, because anger clouds our judgment in a way few other emotions do. So before you get mad at him, ask yourself these questions.

Why you ask

If he is going through strong emotions, he is bound to behave in a way that’s out of the norm for him. There is a good chance that whatever he just did or said, he won’t do it or say it again—he said it out of stress. So maybe let this one go, since it probably won’t be a repeat incident.

Are you in a weird place?

Did you just lose your job? Did you just get rejected for a loan? Sometimes we don’t even realize or admit when life-changing events are happening.

Why you ask

We don’t like to admit it, but we aren’t ourselves when we’re under stress. That doesn’t mean it’s fair for you to yell at your partner for something that, really, wouldn’t upset you on a regular day.

Have you already talked about this?

Did you recently bring up this issue? Did you have a whole big discussion about it? One in which your partner promised he’d work on the issue?

Why you ask

Changing habits takes time. If you just notified your partner that one behavior bothers you, it will take a while for that to sink into his psyche. If you get on his case about it at his first slip up (after the big talk), you won’t seem very fair.