Entertainment of Saturday, 14 January 2017
You wake up and the first face you see is your partner’s. You breakfast, run, and shower together. If you’re never apart, it might harm your relationship.
It’s just the two of you in the house. You both have work-from-home jobs. You also rarely meet up with friends, maybe twice a month if you’re feeling it. But other than that, it’s just the two of you.
Is there something wrong with this? Definitely nothing wrong. You and your partner spend as many hours as you can together. After all, life is short and you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow or in the next month.
Why spending too much time together is unhealthy
Even though you are a couple, there are things you need to do on your own, and you even need to spend time alone. Here are some reasons why spending all your time together can be detrimental to the relationship. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not drift apart]
#1 Before you met you significant other, you were your own person. You had your own set of hobbies, your own favorite food and things to do, your own TV shows you followed, your own dreams and aspirations. Sure, you needed to compromise because you committed to a relationship that must work for two individuals. But to what extent should this compromise go?
Being an individual is important because you are not who your partner is. You are you. You must never let go of that. Remember a time when you were really happy because of your own achievements and your own hard work. How did that feel? Or a time when you didn’t let anybody else help you nor get in your way of achieving something that you really want?
Ask yourself, why did my partner fall in love with me? You were your own person. And you still need to be even when in a relationship. Don’t lose sight of that. [Read: 9 important habits you need to be more independent]
#2 The yin and the yang. Spending a lot of time together means you get to see every single thing your partner does. Really, you see, hear, and even feel everything. From the gross nose picking to hearing them fart, the way they just leave their clothes on the floor before showering or smelling them when they haven’t showered for days. It’s not that you won’t be experiencing these when you are married, but there are some things you don’t always need to see.
You won’t like everything about your partner. It’s usually the little things that make you crazy. When you continuously get irked by the little things, what’s going to happen when you get annoyed with the big things? The neighbors should be warned for an impending fight like this.
#3 We all need space. You have heard the cliché, “I need space.” It’s true. Whether you like to admit it or not, there should still be a “me” time for you and a “me” time for your partner.
Have you kept some thoughts to yourself? Do you realize these individualistic thoughts cannot be shared with anyone but you? What happens when you don’t even have time to your own thoughts? [Read: A closer look at “you,” “me” and “we” relationships]
#4 Climb up the career ladder. You both need to grow in your careers separately, even if you have the same jobs. You have a different way of working and organizing yourself and so does your partner. Being excellent in your job and being praised for it is also a way of feeling good about yourself.
Spending too much time together inhibits personal and career growth because instead of doing some improvements, you spend time with your partner. Work is work, and sometimes, giving time for work makes you happier as an individual and happier as a couple. [Read: 5 clear signs you’re already smothering your partner]
#5 Your partner isn’t your only friend. Before your partner showed up, you had a million other friends. Where are they now? We all know you only need one person, but you don’t grow with only one person in your life. And when you think about it, it needed a lot of people to get you where you are now.
Don’t isolate yourself. Just because you know your partner will be there whatever happens, it doesn’t mean you don’t need other people.
Continue your communication with your friends and still be there for them even if you are in a relationship. Your friendship with them should still carry weight even if you are in a relationship. Besides, you still run to friends when there’s trouble in paradise.
#6 Whatever happened to your immediate family? You have parents and siblings, nephews and nieces, uncles, aunts, and cousins before you were in a relationship, right? And where are they now?
Spend time with them as well and don’t lose contact. Your partner isn’t your only family, and you will always run to them when you need help. [Read: Overly attached boyfriend? 15 subtle ways to get your space back]
#7 You like spicy food, your partner likes it bland. So you both compromise. But can the compromise go on forever? There are things like personal preferences that you put aside so that you and your partner can live harmoniously.
But you need time to be able to enjoy your personal preferences, don’t you? And how can you do this when you are always with your significant other?
#8 You spend time reading books, your partner like outdoor sports. Are you going to always go trekking with your partner, even though, there are a hundred books waiting to be read on your shelf? Or should your partner not go outside and do sport and read with you inside the house?
Spending all your time together doesn’t let you do your hobbies. Hobbies you both really want to do in your own phase, on your own time, and on your own volition. Make time for it.
#9 The perfect concoction. It’s your partner’s birthday. You would like to throw a surprise party. Sometimes, you need to step back and have time on your own to be able to pull off a surprise like this. It doesn’t even have to be a surprise party.
It can be as small as buying your partner ice cream and giving it to them when you get home. But you won’t be able to do even that when you are 24/7 together. [Read: 5 reasons why loving someone too much kills the love]
#10 I miss you. The point of saying you miss someone means you’ve spent time apart. But how can you even say you miss them if you haven’t spent time apart?
Wouldn’t it be nice to see someone you miss and get to tell them all about what you’ve done the whole day? Not missing your partner is nice. But the feeling of seeing them after missing them is way nicer. [Read: You-Complete-Me relationships and you need your space]
#11 No to dependency. Being together 24/7 eventually makes you dependent on each other. Again, dependency isn’t a bad thing. But to be able to survive in this world, you need to be dependent on yourself. What if you broke up? What if you get into a fight?
It’s not always paradise in couple kingdom, and most of the time you fight or just not in the couple mood, you should be able to fend for yourself. The only way to do that is if you are independent. And the only way to be independent is to not spend most of your time together.
Learn the things you need to do alone in order to progress and be a happy, independent individual. If you are able to be this person, then your partner will fall in love with you more.