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![\"Couple](\"http:\/\/ghanamma.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/32938824.295.jpg\" "\\"Couple")
File Photo<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n You probably didn\u2019t need a study to tell you this, but research confirms that sex is one of the most crucial ingredients to making long-term relationships thrive. Early on, feeling sexy and passionate isn\u2019t hard\u2014but things can get trickier as the years go on.<\/p>\n
Hoping to bust out of a dry spell or prevent the fire from fading? Don\u2019t make these common mistakes.<\/p>\n
<\/b>Mistake #1: Thinking you need a \u201cdate night\u201d to connect<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re like most couples, the first thing you do when you want to reconnect is schedule a \u201cdate night.\u201d \u201cThe idea is that after a fancy dinner, candlelight, and wine, you\u2019ll come home and want to jump each other,\u201d says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist and author of The New Monogamy. But what really happens after a meal of rich food, a few glasses of wine, and a late night out? \u201cMost couples want nothing more than to go to sleep,\u201d Nelson says.<\/p>\n
The fix: Send the kids out while you and your partner stay home alone. \u201cThink of this as a sacred time for the two of you to practice \u2018planned\u2019 spontaneity,\u201d Nelson suggests. \u201cIt\u2019s a much better way to act out all of your fantasies, without feeling bloated and hungover the next day.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/b>Mistake #2: Forgoing sex because you\u2019re not in the mood<\/p>\n
Adult life is exhausting, and stress can decrease desire, says Nelson. But if you wait to have sex until you have plenty of free time, you may be waiting a long time.<\/p>\n
The fix: Just do it, and you\u2019ll probably be glad that you did. If you\u2019re genuinely crazed from obligations and short on time, you can still fit in a quickie, says Nelson. \u201cThe sexual contact will make you feel connected to your partner and can reduce the stress in your marriage,\u201d says Nelson. Sex also helps release endorphin and dopamine, serotonin, and other brain chemicals that can reduce your stress during the day and help you sleep better at night.<\/p>\n
<\/b>Mistake #3: Falling into a rut<\/p>\n
There\u2019s something to be said for sex so familiar that you can anticipate what\u2019s coming next. \u201cEach of you knows the buttons to push for the other, and if you have a routine that\u2019s giving the other a good orgasm, then by all means, keep at it,\u201d says Nelson. But it\u2019s not uncommon for couples to get entrenched in habits that aren\u2019t working. They just aren\u2019t sure how to change them or worry that speaking up will hurt the other\u2019s feelings.<\/p>\n
The fix: \u201cPick one day a week to do something different,\u201d suggests Nelson. Start by telling your partner three things you appreciate about her sexually, plus one bedroom move you\u2019d like more of. Then listen as your partner does the same. \u201cTalking about sex can increase the sexual tension between you, and if you do this exercise in bed, it can really turn up the heat,\u201d Nelson says.<\/p>\n
<\/b>Mistake #4: Worrying how your sex life stacks up<\/p>\n
From leaked sex tapes to the latest episode of Game of Thrones, we\u2019re inundated with sexual images\u2014which can put an out sized amount of pressure on us to look or act a certain way in the bedroom. \u201cSex isn\u2019t supposed to look like porn,\u201d says Amy Levine, a sex coach in New York City and founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. \u201cSex in real life can be awkward, takes practice, and has the potential to be incredibly intimate and vulnerable.\u201d<\/p>\n
The fix: Be open-minded, Levine says. \u201cBe present, know what feels good to you, communicate your wants and desires, be yourself, and find your confidence.\u201d In other words, approach sex with your partner, she says, \u201cwithout judgment or expectations.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/b>Mistake #5: Taking your emotional connection for granted<\/p>\n
When was the last time you really spoke to your partner, other than to confirm what\u2019s for dinner? Thanks to hectic, overscheduled days, the majority of time we spend with our partners takes place when we\u2019re asleep, says Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City. \u201cBut quality relationships require an intimate emotional connection during awake times,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n
The fix: Have a 30-minute conversation with your partner before shutting your eyes, Hokemeyer advises. Turn off all electronics and snuggle or discuss the events of the day, and while you love your kids (or your pet), having them around at this time will \u201csqueeze out the romance,\u201d he notes. \u201cSet clear boundaries and enforce them.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/b>Mistake #6: Not talking about sex<\/p>\n
\u201cThe inability to have open and honest communication is at the heart of many couples\u2019 problems in the bedroom,\u201d says Elona Landau, a sex educator in Portland, Oregon. \u201cEven with the people to whom we\u2019re committed, we can\u2019t openly talk about our wants, desires, and needs.\u201d We either never learned how, she says, or keep quiet for fear of being judged, shamed, or shut down.<\/p>\n
The fix: Your partner isn\u2019t a mind-reader, and neither are you. Want to have sex more often, try something new, or have concerns about your waning libido? Speak up.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, ask her if she\u2019s been feeling satisfied in bed. Just as relationships grow and change over time, so does your sexuality.<\/p>\n
Try to hear what she wants without putting it through your own filter, says Landau. Pay attention to how you\u2019re responding, whether you\u2019re intrigued, uncomfortable, or somewhere else on the spectrum\u2014and approach that with curiosity as well. \u201cBeing willing to hear the other person, acknowledge their vulnerability, and be empathetic to their needs can go a long way.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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Entertainment of Sunday, 16 October 2016 Source: Men’s Health 2016-10-16 File Photo You probably didn\u2019t need a study to tell you this, but research confirms that sex is one of the most crucial ingredients to making long-term relationships thrive. Early on, feeling sexy and passionate isn\u2019t hard\u2014but things can get trickier as the years go […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-323709","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard"],"yoast_head":"\n
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