Entertainment of Saturday, 15 October 2016
Source: graphic showbiz
2016-10-15
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People who question whether they should stay in a long-term relationship are often deeply conflicted about their decisions, especially if the partner they are going to leave behind will be wounded. Most times, they’ve tried everything they can do to stay in love with their partner but just can’t seem to bring back the feelings they once had. If they’re going to cause pain and sorrow to someone they once loved, maybe they should question themselves more before giving up. How can they tell the difference between a lagging relationship that might have the power to regenerate and one that should end?
If you’re the partner who fears that you’re falling out of love, please don’t beat yourself up. Your feelings did not change overnight, and you might even not have realised it was happening.
After all, every intimate relationship goes through slumps, and your lack of connection might not necessarily be the omen of a terminal rupture. But, what you do know for sure is that things are not right.
There are some common warning signs that will help you know if you are falling out of love and need to end your relationship, or whether you have the chance of turning things around before you make that final decision. Take a look at them.
Low Frustration Tolerance
When people are still in love, they often have a great deal of patience for their partner’s faux pas and foibles. They are slow to react negatively, quickly forgive, and want to move beyond the error as soon as possible. They focus on the things they love about their partner and use those warm feelings to sustain them when they might otherwise feel more judgmental.
When positive feelings begin to fade, intimate partners not only are quicker to criticise, but slower to heal. They hold on to and exaggerate irritating behaviours. Disappointments happen more regularly, promises not kept are seen as major disruptions in trust, explanations are perceived as lame excuses, and future plans are no longer believed in with the same hope.
Lessened Affection
When love is new, physical affection and caring emotional expressions happen regularly. Lovers caress each other often and are rarely apart for long without missing each other’s touch. It is as if they are one heart, one soul, and one body. What one feels, the other knows, by touch, facial expression, voice caresses, and welcoming body language.
As those connections diminish, partners who once would have not gone without those expressions of love don’t need or ask for them in the same way. The difference is particularly noticeable when each sees the other and still able to be affectionate with others.
Rearrangement of Priorities
People still deeply in love are a high priority in each other’s lives. Though they may be comfortable sharing their partners with others, they both are careful that those decisions are not to the exclusion of their relationship. Whenever either feels the need for the other’s time, they rearrange their commitments accordingly.
When couples are in danger of disconnection in these crucial areas, they are not as available. Often, they will rely on other people to care for their partners and choose other priorities that are more satisfying.
Loss of Nurturing
When people are in emotional distress, they often regress to an earlier stage of life. The partner feeling those childlike needs often seeks the “loving symbolic parent” in the other partner. When people are deeply in love, they not only easily provide that genuine selfless and unconditional offering of support, but willingly put their own needs aside to focus totally on those of their partner’s.
When intimate partners have drifted apart, they are more likely to want to limit how selfless they have to be and reach quickly to solve the problem rather than care for the distress. Their style becomes more like toughening to get the issues out of the way as quickly and efficiently as possible so that little energy is spent.