Afanyi Dadzie writes: The other side of love; it’s not always beautiful

If anyone ever made you believe for a moment that love is simple, you have been deceived. Love is not only challenging, but also very convoluted. The complexity of it may be akin to a woman’s lamentations about the pain of pregnancy, and yet the excitement she exhibits when the baby is born; and shockingly the desire to still go through that pain again.

And if you have been told love is merely sweet as honey, always beautiful, and flowery without being reminded that it’s also bitter, and can pierce like a thorn, then you are in for a shock that you may never recover from.

I am not seeking to scare you out of love; because it is also the very ingredient we need to survive and live in a beautiful world if we are truthful about it at all times.

The power of genuine and unconditional love can lift one from total hopelessness, to eternal happiness. Likewise, it can take away one’s happiness eternally and transform who they are for the worst, or even send them to their graves prematurely.

Love also nurtures vulnerability in both the giver and the taker, but especially to the one who receives the much of it. Sampson of the Biblical days was a strong man, but he was not brought down by a sword, but love. His vulnerability from Delilah’s love compelled him to reveal his greatest secret and that weakened him.

No man or woman, regardless of how strong and principled they are, is stronger to resist what true love can do to them.

I have come to a new realization that even makes the subject of love much more complex than I thought. When people are genuinely in love, often times they ask for more show of love from their partners just to have some surety and security.

But little do they know that, as they receive that extra dose of love, they become more vulnerable and suffer the most when heartbreak occurs. And in fact, the one who also gives too much of it, equally becomes vulnerable in case of heartbreak.

So the giver is at risk just as the taker. Love is indeed a shared responsibility, but most often, one gives more than the other.

So in essence, it’s as if one needs to demand or give a reasonable dose of love because the more you give it or take it, the higher the risk should anything go wrong.

But the question that bothers my mind that may never get a better answer is; how much love is reasonable or unreasonable? Perhaps, the rule ‘never love anyone more than yourself’, should be our guiding principle in loving one another.

But even loving a person just as yourself, still hurts, and has some level of vulnerability when the unexpected happens.

In the matter romantic and even platonic love, I have heard of people die prematurely because the people they loved so much suddenly passed on and they couldn’t endure the emptiness.

So whichever way you see it, love is indeed a complex thing.

The stories of people, especially women, whose homes are now the psychiatric Hospitals because of disappointments in love, should only let you appreciate the magnitude of the power of love.

And it should also let you know that, you can’t just play with love; it’s not a game as some ignorantly call it. It’s a matter of life and death.

And talking about death, I am sure you have heard about that boy or girl in your neighbourhood who drank poison or hanged him or herself to death because he or she had been jilted.

And I know the reaction of those who haven’t experienced the two sides of love would usually be to insult that person whether dead or alive.

I use to react same way until I had the privilege to experience both sides of love. And I call it a privilege because you can never understand and appreciate love well from a single perspective.

And when I appreciated the two-sides, I’ve learnt to show empathy to victims of heartbreaks, whether dead by suicide or alive. And inasmuch as it’s an experience I never wish for even my worst enemy, perhaps if everyone had that two-side experience, it would make them better.

However, my only fear is that not everyone can withstand the experience of the bad side even when they are hit just once; although others have endured it many times and are still standing fortified to even love again.

Do not be afraid to love, but love cautiously with an open mind and heart; but most importantly with wisdom.
Genuine and unconditional love is undeniably a rare commodity today; but with wisdom and carefulness you can get the good out of the chaff.

Today, people love materialistic conditions around their partners, more than the human beings; and so when those conditions become shaky or wither, they walk out and cause break hearts nonchalantly.

It’s even as if some have consciously specialized in heartbreaks. But the truth is, some heartbreaks, depending on how the ‘victim’ handles it, works out for his or her own good. Some relationships are just not meant to be; so the earlier they break; the better.

Often times, it is very easy for the ‘victim’ to view his or her partner as wicked and inhumane. But in some cases, if the one who is jilted does a proper analysis of the situation, he or she would realize his or her actions caused it.

So there’s always the need for genuine self-reflections. But even if after that reflection, you do not find where you erred, forgiving the one who left you in that pain, although difficult, helps you to move on easily and successfully.

Keeping bitterness against them really affects you and not them. So just free yourself up. As weeks, months and even years go by; you will naturally be healed and vindicated.

That person will later recognize his or her error because nature would have dealt with him or her heavily. And they will now attempt to reconnect with their past.

Those who are humble enough will genuinely look for you just to apologize for mistreating you; and even if you don’t accept them back into your life; they will insist you forgive them.

It’s a natural rule; everyone reaps what they sow; good or bad.

By: Ebenezer Afanyi Dadzie/

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