Below are nineteen reasons your marriage or relationship isn’t working.
1. “You want perfection”
When you want everything to be perfect, you will miss out on the beauty of love. Love is seen in the flaws, storms and struggles. Love is an opportunity to grow. Growth means the two still have areas to improve. Love is not for the perfect but those willing to grow.
2. “Third party interference”
If you allow third parties to run and direct your love life you will struggle in your relationship/marriage. Don’t let your parents, siblings and friends micro manage you and your partner/spouse.
3. “You want to copy others”
As long as you want to be like other couples or compete against them, your love life will be empty. No fulfillment comes out of being a copy cat.
4. “You keep shifting goal posts”
When you and your partner/spouse agree on something, don’t keep changing your mind lest you find yourselves going round and round without making progress. If you fail to give your relationship/marriage progress it will make you feel stuck and bored.
5. “You are a control freak”
Wanting everything to go your way will make your partner/spouse tolerate you rather than celebrate you. It also will lead to frustration as life has ups and downs. Don’t develop high blood pressure and become angry when things don’t go your way. Ride the curves and turns life brings. You don’t know everything.
6. “You think you are too grown”
Many think that growing up means you cannot laugh, joke, have fun, play games or do silly stuff. Don’t be uptight. Age in a marriage full of laughter. Tease your spouse. Tickle each other. Watch comedies. Don’t take life too seriously.
7. “You were brought up to think love is hard work”
Love is actually simple, we are the ones who complicate it. The wrong attitude towards relationships and marriages will make love feel like a burden. When you do love right, your partner/spouse becomes the best friend you spend the whole of your life with, not the person you committed to but struggle to be with. Being best friends doesn’t mean it will always be easy or that you will never offend each other, but when tough times come, you will cling tighter together because there’s no one else you’d rather be with.
8. “You are over spiritualizing marriage”
God is not just interested in your spiritual life. God cares about your social life, your sexual life, your emotions, the food you eat; everything about you. God wants you to be more than a vessel serving, God wants you to enjoy life. God wants you to enjoy the wife of your youth. Stop looking at marriage as an assignment but as a bond of love, a manifestation of God’s goodness.
9. “You are selfish”
When you make the relationship/marriage to be just about you and your needs, it will become bitter. There is joy in giving. Give to your partner/spouse as he/she gives to you. Be mindful of each other.
10. “You are hard to please”
Are you a difficult person? Do you make it difficult for your partner/spouse to please you by being insensitive, condescending, judgemental, dismissive and constantly complaining? Even when good is done to you, you still complain? Learn to appreciate your partner/spouse or you will drive your love down a cliff.
11. “You still look back”
Are you in a relationship or married but you still look back at your ex or past life? You will confuse yourself and destroy the purity and intensity of your current relationship/marriage.
12. “You have a dark view towards sex”
Because sex has brought a lot of pain to many when abused or misused, many tend to have a negative view towards sex, they see sex as evil, dirty, unGodly. These people in marriage are the ones who are rigid when making love. They have sex as an obligation, not for intimacy. They detest different sexual positions claiming sexual curiosity in marriage is wrong. They miss out on the beauty of intimacy.
13. “You are pretending”
There are many who hide secrets from their partner/spouse. They hide who they truly are. They always want to show their good side. And so, they are not vulnerable. They hide their tears, battles and fears from their partner/spouse thereby denying their partner/spouse an opportunity to be there for them. Stop acting you are happy and in charge yet deep down you are hurting, broken and lost. Open up to your partner/spouse so that you can be loved. Stop standing in the way of love by hiding your weaknesses. Relax. Be loved.
14. “You are insecure”
Insecurity will make you dethrone yourself even when your position in your partner/spouse’s life is not under threat. It will make you falsely accuse your partner/spouse for no reason, make you paranoid, make you jealous when you shouldn’t be and will give you sleepless nights. Don’t push your partner/spouse away. Be secure in yourself. Have a healthy self-esteem.
15. “You overthink”
Some people always have to worry. Even when in a romantic setting or when making love, they are anxiously worried. Learn to keep calm. Don’t spoil the moment by always trying to be intellectual.
16. “You are full of pride”
Pride keeps you from admitting you need help and from apologizing. Pride will keep you from learning. When you humble yourself, you will experience the beauty of love and life.
17. “You are in a hurry”
Some want to hurry things up. They want things quickly and give up when it takes a while. Love is a gradual process. Sometimes it is not that your blessings have delayed, but that nurturing takes time.
18. “You disobey God”
The more you rebel against God, the more your love life will suffer. Don’t fight God, the one who came up with the idea of love and marriage.
19. “You are distracted”
Paying romantic attention to someone else besides your partner/spouse, flirting, lusting after another will keep you from giving your best to your partner/spouse. Focus on the one you love.