‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and the two shall be one flesh’ Gen. 2:24.
Oh what a beautiful and glorious moment it is when two people decide to come together and spend the rest of their lives as one. The day they share their vows with one another marks the beginning of a lifetime of commitment; it is the day they change from ‘I to We’. It is the day they tell their families and the rest of the world that, they bind themselves to one another forever till death separates them.
At that moment, many married couples probably believed what they were saying, and were also probably sincere about it. So what changes their minds about the, ‘for better, for worse’? Why is it that today, in most marriages; it is ‘for better for stay, for worse for go’?
There are many reasons why many people marry; and due to some of these reasons, their marriages fail.
These are some of the reasons why some people marry:
i. Because they are late in marriage: Since they feel like time is passing them by; either it is because all their mates are getting married or they feel that age is not on their side. For this reason, they will marry the first man or woman who shows the slightest interest of settling down with them.
ii. In need of financial security: One of the most common reasons many young ladies enter into marriage and in some rare cases, some men, is to find stability financially.
iii. Physical attraction: This is another common factor for marriage.
iv. Family Pressure: Anything to please mum or dad or extended family members.
These are but to mention a few. But this article is not more about these reasons; but rather about what I believe is the main reason for the failure of many marriages today.
Since marriage is a lifetime commitment, I believe to enter into it, we must be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially prepared.
1. Spiritual Preparation
There is no foundation stronger than Jesus Christ. Any marriage that is not built on Christ is doomed to fail. ‘……all things were by Him; and without Him was not anything made that was made…..’ John 1:3.
Before entering into marriage, you must pray fervently for your partner, because to become one with another is a spiritual bond. If you do not share the same faith, there is bound to be confusion and differences, which might cause the marriage to crash. Because you are one, what affects one, affects the other. The devil will always try to use the weaker to destroy the stronger.
If you are a believer and you enter into marriage without Spiritual preparation, not only will your marriage fail, your relationship with Christ could also be affected. Marrying someone who is not of the same faith can have serious consequences on your relationship with Christ, and I don’t just mean denominational or religious faith. You could both be in the same church and your partner may not be born again.
‘Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. If they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up’. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
Without spiritual preparation, you may be one in body but alone in spirit. After all, “can two walk together if they don’t agree?” Amos 3:3
What kind of mindset are you entering the marriage with? What is your opinion or knowledge about marriage? What is your opinion or knowledge about the opposite sex? Do you view the opposite sex as a necessary evil? Do you view marriage as a necessary rite? Then your marriage is doomed to fail.
To have a successful marriage, you must have a real understanding of marriage; that is, what marriage is truly about. You cannot view marriage in the general terms of what you may have witnessed of other people’s marriage or by your past relationships. You must be willing to have an open mind and also be optimistic and positive about your marriage.
3. Emotional Preparation
If you are over sensitive and overly sentimental, then you are on shaky grounds. You must be emotionally balanced. As human beings, we are fallible; therefore prone to mistakes. Do not enter marriage expecting perfection and smoothness. You must be prepared to work for it. If you are someone who gets hurt easily, then you must be prepared to develop a thick skin and learn to keep your emotions in check.
4. Financial Preparation
No one is asking you to be filthy rich before you get married, but you must have a source of income to be able to provide or support your family. You should at least prepare for the future of your kids and future emergencies.
Without these preparations, you are like a man or woman who goes to the farm without his/her tools. You are also like a student who goes into the exams hall without his/her stationeries. You will yield no results and you will return empty handed.
To have a successful marriage, let us learn to seek the wisdom of God and also be thoroughly prepared. When you rush into something, you crash eventually.
Stay blessed and always remember that Jesus loves you dearly and I do too.
By: Trudylove Smith-Freeman/ [email protected]