No two people can agree all the time and even when you are in love, you are bound to fight sometimes. Arguing in a relationship is perfectly healthy, but when that arguing gets out of control, or it is happening too often, then that is when fighting can become destructive. The only way that you can stop arguments being totally unproductive, is to sit down and agree on some basic rules that you will both follow when you do disagree. If you are currently going through a phase with your partner where it feels like you are constantly at each other’s throats, read these ten tips on how to avoid fighting in a relationship.
1. Listen more and talk less
Talking over one another and not listening to what each person has to say will never resolve an argument. You have a right to get your point of view across, but you should also listen to your partner’s side of things too. Make an agreement that you will take it in turns to talk and, when one person is talking, the other person will pay attention and listen.
2. Call a time out when you need to
When you do feel that the argument is getting out of control and too heated, take a half hour break, so that you both get a chance to calm down and think things through properly. When people get angry, they tend to get fixated on just one sticking point of an argument and then they start to go around in circles. Take a break, preferably in separate rooms, and will give you both the chance to cool down a little.
3. Never threaten the relationship
Don’t treat every argument like it is the make or break of the relationship, and never threaten an end to the relationship, if you don’t really mean it. Threats of splitting up, made in the heat of an argument, are just a form of low handed blackmail and sometimes they can backfire disastrously.
4. Try not to raise your voice
Another important tip on how to stop fighting in a relationship is to avoid raising your voice. Everyone is guilty of raising their voice in an argument, but it will only make the argument more difficult to resolve. If you start shouting, then he will start shouting too and, before you know it, you are not even listening to each other at all. It is difficult to keep your anger under control, but try, because the moment you both start to shout, that’s when you are probably both not making a lot of sense anymore.
5. Try to resolve an argument and stop trying to win it
Next tip on how to stop fighting in a relationship is to try to find ways to resolve an argument and stop trying to win it. The objective of an argument should be to find a solution or a compromise. If you are both just trying to win and to score points off one another, the underlying problem will still be there, unresolved. A real win, is when you both accept the solution and are reasonably happy with the outcome.
6. Learn to accept each other’s flaws
No one in this world is perfect and flawless, so our next tip on how to stop fighting in a relationship is to learn to accept each other for who you are and stop arguing over things that really don’t matter. Often, arguments that get out of control are started by picking on something completely trivial and then they escalate from there. So, if he does have a bad memory and he forgot your anniversary this year, remember that there are far worse things that he could have done.
7. Work out what it is you are really fighting about
Very often, the thing that you are fighting about is the not the real root cause of the problem, but it’s just a way of venting some of your frustration. Perhaps it’s not so much about the anniversary that he forgot after all, maybe it’s more about how taken for granted you feel and that’s the thing that you should be talking about.
8. Learn how to back down and say SORRY
One of the biggest problems that you find when a fight gets heated is that no one wants to back down and lose face. You might both need to practice saying sorry and facing up to the part that you have played in a fight. Remember, there should be no winner and loser, and for that to happen, you might both need to apologise.
9. Don’t drag up the past
Next important tip on how to stop fighting in a relationship is to never drag up past disputes, nor use those as weapons in the current argument. There is no point at all in going over old ground again, so try and stick to the real point of disagreement between you. Avoid using spiteful language and saying things just to hurt your partner too, because if that gets out of hand, something could be said that is regretted later.
10. Make a point of making up
When the argument does get resolved, do take the making up seriously as well. Agree to draw a definite line under the argument and put the whole thing behind you. Your relationship is no doubt far more important to you than this one disagreement, so when the fight is finished, forget it and move on.
If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly. (Bible, Ephesians 4:26)
How to stop fighting in a relationship? What are your tips?