Guys, let’s face it: some women are just difficult. They don’t do what you want, when you want them to. They don’t want to watch football with you. They won’t cook you dinner. They don’t like having sex right after a funeral.
What gives? Not her, that’s for sure. Here are 10 brutally honest truths about dating a difficult woman. (Hint: deal with it!)
1. Blow jobs are only a thing when she wants them to be.
If you push her head down anyway, she’ll probably bite your dick off.
2. Decision-making is all about her needs.
Especially about what she wants to eat and wear. Yeah, you like her in that rhinestone-studded red tank top, but it’s 30 degrees out, so she prefers to wear a sweater.
You didn’t take care of her when she got a cold from wearing that black leather miniskirt you liked on New Year’s Eve, so guess what? It’s payback time. Here comes that cashmere turtleneck with shoulder pads that she bought herself and pretended was a present from you.
3. She’s a power b*tch.
She makes more money than you, and pays for dinners out. If she didn’t, you guys wouldn’t be together.
4. Her friends don’t like you.
Wah, wah. Of course they don’t like you. They’re difficult, just like her.
5. She wants you to express your feelings more.
It’s probably the most difficult thing about her. She’s a diffic*nt.
6. Sleep is a solo experience.
This coincides with the times you’re so drunk, you piss the bed. She knows it makes her a selfish tw*t, and she’s sorry. But deal with it, because difficult women don’t back down.
… unless you start crying. Then we’re like, OMG he’s not a cyborg! This is the best day of my life. And then we go shower off the pee and cry tears of terrified joy because we can’t even deal with it.
7. Orgasms are 100 percent expected from you.
As a difficult woman myself, I can defiantly say that we expect you to make us orgasm. Every.Single. Time. Multiple times in one night.
She will settle for almost/sort of getting there, but will want you to stop when things start hurting, or whenever you want to stop, or even giving a weird side-hug. I doubt you can deal with it.
8. You’ll need to leave the housework to her. Seriously.
She’ll do all the housework: dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, picking up, and organizing. She’ll even be in charge of paying the bills. But if you forget to take out the garbage, she WILL be pissed.
9. You will always need to make sure to return her calls.
When you don’t call her back for three days, and then show up in the middle of the night on the fourth day, after she’s already decided you were dead … she’ll probably let you in, but she definitely won’t f*ck you until the next morning.
10. On the inside, she’s an amazing person.
The most brutal truth about dating a difficult woman is that she’s actually really wonderful. You’re making her crazy because you clearly don’t respect or love her, so she’s frustrated.
She hasn’t bottomed out on co-dependent relationships yet because women are socialized to take all this sh*t. And sometimes it takes a bunch of bad experiences before you realize you’ve been bending over backwards for a complete asshole.
So, she’s still trying with you even though you’re a huge jerk. You need to go to therapy to get your life right. No, seriously. Go to therapy and deal with it because your girlfriend isn’t difficult — you’re just a selfish dick.
You’ve been together for over a year and you’re still not ready to call her your girlfriend? Wake up and smell the patriarchy, bro. And learn how to wash a dish.