Is it even worth it? Find out!
What are my chances of getting my ex back?
There is no cut and dried answer here. It’s always “It depends.” But there are certain things which make it way MORE LIKELY that you can repair your relationship.
Here are the five most important factors that determine whether your relationship is likely repairable or completely doomed:
1. The Amount Of Time Since Your Breakup
While resurrecting a previously-dead relationship after years apart does happen, your best chance to get your ex back is doing the right things at the right time within the first three months after your breakup.
After a fresh breakup, you’re still a habit to your ex — it’s easier to get his/her time and attention now than if it’s been a really long time.
2. The Length Of Your Relationship
If you’ve had a long, happy relationship with your ex, it’s so much more likely that you’ll get him/her back in the long run. While he/she might still go out and rebound after your breakup, it’ll be hard to match the kind of depth and emotional intensity that a couple with history shares.
Dating new people is usually hard and uncomfortable. This works in your favor! If your ex goes out into the cold, difficult world of dating and really struggles, it’s much more likely that the contrast will make him/her reconsider your breakup.
3. The REAL Reasons Why You Broke Up
It’s easier to get an ex back who was upset about something specific and changeable than it is to entice someone who just doesn’t want what you had to offer.
When you think back over the breakup, what do you make of it? Why do YOU think he/she left?
If you can identify things that your ex was dying for you to change (but you were both otherwise happy), there’s more hope for a shared future than if you had severely different life goals, you cheated or you were in a cycle of abuse.
4. The Intensity Of His/Her Emotions Toward You
Is your ex still p*ssed at you beyond logical reason? Did your relationship totally fizzle out? Would you describe your split as ‘we grew apart’ or more like ‘fireworks that suddenly ended’?
The cliché, love and hate are two sides of the same coin is really true when it comes to breakups.
You’re more likely to get an ex back who currently says he/she hates you right now than one who is completely apathetic toward you. Strong, passionate emotion — either positive or negative, can easily be channeled back toward your relationship.
A good guideline is that if he/she still cared enough at the very end to argue with you, it’s probably possible to get another shot at your relationship if you do the right things.
5. Whether You’re In The Same Place In Your Lives
How I Met Your Mother described it well when they said, “If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing. Timing. But timing’s a b*tch.”
This is SO true — timing is truly make or break.
If you’re on the same page with them when it comes to life plan timing, your chances of getting back together are much higher than if you’re hurtling down two different life paths at top speed.
If one of you wants to see the world before settling down, no amount of rational discussion is going to prevent resentment if you settle down without doing it. If one of you wants kids and the other truly doesn’t, no amount of negotiation can change that.
You can work out small things, but things like widely varying stances on the future, commitment and children usually mean that you should call it quits. You might succeed in getting your ex’s attention, but your relationship won’t work if one or both of you is fighting moldering resentment every single day.
Sometimes love cannot outlast the sense that one or both of you isn’t following your ideal life plan.