1. That he’ll hate your mom. Unless your mom is an actual garbage human, the age-old sitcom stereotype of hating on your mother-in-law is patently untrue. At worst, he tolerates her. At best, they’re basically BFFs and he’s the son she never had.
2. That he’ll try to have sex with everyone he interacts with. Not every guy is running around trying to bang everyone behind your back. Hell, statistically speaking, very few guys are doing that, and the ones that are are just insecure shitlords.
3. That he’ll be emotionally dead inside, like an android or the Olsen twins.Guys can talk about their feelings. Don’t worry that using the phrase “how do you feel” in a conversation is going to send a guy screaming out the front door.
4. That he’ll be an alpha male. Not all guys need to assert their dominance and be providers. A lot of guys would be very happy to be a stay-at-home dad without feeling threatened.
5. THAT HE WILL NEVER DRINK A MARGARITA. Guys don’t need to be swilling scotch and chopping down trees all the time (although that sounds amazing). Some guys love ballet and baking andScandal.
6. That his inner monologue is “SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS.” Not every guy plans their week around NFL schedules. Not every guy can even name a single baseball teams. Our interests our as wide and varied as the ocean. And if we’re a marine biologist, our interest literally is the ocean.
7. That he is literally incapable of hearing the exactly frequency of your voice. Guys listen all the time. We’re not terribly good at multitasking, but we’re listening.
8. That he won’t like to cuddle. Everyone likes to cuddle. Even if your guy isn’t initiating it, he’s not upset to find himself on the couch with you under a blanket.
9. That he won’t run on air or water, but instead on sex and blow jobs. There’s a physical aspect to every relationship, and that’s great. But don’t feel like you’ve got to be putting out on command every night or we’ll leave you. You are allowed to be too tired/not into it/literally any excuse. We respect that. We might go masturbate in the bathroom, but it will be a respectful masturbation.
10. That he’ll only care about looks. We’re supposed to be visual creatures and all, and that’s true to an extent, but we care about what’s in your heart and also if you laugh at our jokes and love some of the same stuff we do. But mostly the heart thing.
11. That he doesn’t cry. He doesn’t even have tear ducts. It happens. In private when no one is looking, and when we’re watching soldiers-coming-home videos maybe, but it happens.
12. That he thinks he can fix stuff. Any stuff. Some of us have literally no idea how to even change a tire. Not all of us feel compelled to tinker in a workshop or salivate at a new electric drill. We’d rather pay to get it done.