I was doing my best to do right by her and to be a good man to her but I guess it just wasn’t good enough.” This was the conversation I found myself in with someone in the sauna at the gym of all places. This man didn’t know me but he was subconsciously confiding in me about the fact that his wife was “wilding out” (aka staying out all night, cheating on him, and generally acting out of character). Now before all of you ladies reading have the impulsive response of “well he must not have been doing something right” or “well men cheat all of the time” let’s just give him the benefit of the doubt and follow me on this topic.
Not very often do we talk about the fact that there are many good men out there who find themselves getting mistreated and cheated on. Men can and do feel the same embarrassment, insecurity, fears, and emotions that women experience when they find out they’re being deceived. We don’t often hear those stories because while women can go and pour out their hearts to their friends or do Facebook rants and always having a kind listening ear, men don’t get that luxury. Not only does our pride stop us from doing it, but society doesn’t allow it. (Think about that).
No man wants others to know he got cheated on or that he is being mistreated by his woman. Of course in the eyes of others that would make him “soft” or of course it would mean he just wasn’t “taking care of home.” No one really just assumes that the woman could just be selfish or had a bad lapse in judgement or just isn’t a very honest or worthy mate.
Okay, so where am I going with this? This isn’t an attempt to have a battle of the sexes, it’s simply a question to ask:
Where do all of the hurt men go when they’ve been hurt?
Where do they go when they’re confused and trying to figure out how she ended up in the arms of another man, even though he thought his arms were good enough?
The truth is, he usually goes no where, turns to no one, and as a result he ends up angry, bitter, selfish, and nonchalant about ever loving again.
Women have affairs too and men stay and work through those issues as well, but here are few other things men suffer in silence through.
1) She’s abusive mentally, physically, or emotionally (yup men get abused too)
2) Financial struggles
3) s*xual dysfunction
5) Health issues
So where do all the good men go? The truth is, there are many places and ways even the most difficult situations can be worked through successfully. Spouses, clergy, mental and medical professionals can all help provide positive ways to work thru and heal emotional hardship. However, it’s also true that men WE must be the ones to take and make the first step.