What if you didn’t have to look for signs or change who you were, and instead had a clear map to choose the best man for you? It’s possible! Here are 3 tips to help you get started:
1) Take it one date at a time
It’s hard to get to “I do” if you can’t get a date. Who you choose to marry is a big decision, so break it down into smaller decisions such as do you want to go out on another date? Do you want to be exclusive? Do you want to commit and begin courtship?
Most people skip these steps. They go from, “I like you,” to “I can see myself marrying you,” and end up missing important red flags along the way. Sometimes there aren’t any red flags, but there are yellow lights that should cause you to pause and ask if you’re making the right decision.
Resist the urge to look at each man you meet through marriage eyes and instead focus on the present before you imagine a future with him.
2) Understand what makes relationships work
It takes more than love to make a relationship last! Physical attraction is just one brick in the foundation that you’ll build for your marriage. If you don’t know what makes relationships work, you can choose a man based on what you feel for him. He may not have what it takes to make a marriage last!
3) Know Yourself
It’s almost impossible to love someone else if you don’t love yourself. And part of loving yourself means knowing yourself.
Start by understanding how you learned about love. We all learn how to love through several influences such as:
Parents
Disney
Toys
Movies
Peers
Past experiences
Trauma
Hurt
Religious teaching
Magazines
Books
Songs
Most of what you experienced was learned by the time you were 6 years old! So it’s not a matter of if you have cultural & historical baggage that’s influencing how you pick a partner, it’s a matter of which kind you’re carrying.
If you aren’t aware of what’s influencing you, you could pick the wrong people & overlook the right ones.
You also want to understand your basic needs, your core values, and your personality. Once you get clear on these things, make sure that the person you choose to be with accepts you for who you are.
In short, you should choose the man who makes you feel safe to be yourself, who is fit for the institution of marriage and who can go through the dating and courtship process with you.