Please note: This article is not intended to be offensive. It is meant as a wakeup call. Please receive it in the loving concern in which it was sent.
In my travels, I have encountered a number of women (too many actually) that have expressed pain, regret and discontentment regarding their relationships. Out of desperation, these women have done things in an effort to keep a man that didn’t want to be kept. In their mind, having a half of a man is better than no man at all. Why are so many women choosing to settle when it comes to a man?
Women are constantly being bombarded by the media on how to find, keep and marry a man. But nowhere in these self help trilogies are women admonished to have self respect and dignity. The focus is solely on a woman satisfying a man, mentally, physically and sexually. This consistent message coupled with the lie that there are very few good men left has caused some women to lower their standards and do whatever it takes to keep a man. However, these choices have caused a lot of women to be miserable in their relationships.
The top complaints that I have heard from women are:
He doesn’t love me
He doesn’t respect me
I can’t keep him
I want my own man.
Let’s address each of these complaints one at a time.
He doesn’t love me
When I hear this statement, I ask a few questions: Did he deserve your love? Did he earn your love? Did you throw your love freely his way? Most of the time, the answer is that he did not earn my love. In that case, anyone will take something that is free. If you don’t put demands, restrictions or parameters around your heart/love, it will be taken for granted. Remember, you are a precious jewel and everyone can’t see your worth or your value. But those who are worthy of you, will recognize who and what you are. Take your time. Allow yourself to get to know people and let them earn the right to your heart/love. If you want to stop the hurt and the pain, make a decision to stop throwing your heart/love away to any and everybody. You deserve better.
He doesn’t respect me
My question is: Do you respect yourself? I had a 30 year old male colleague state:
“It’s a shame when a man has more respect for a woman than a woman has for herself.”
I have heard other men state:
“Women give of themselves sexually to easily”.
“In a new relationship, women should not have s*x for at least 90 days, if that”.
“Men really prefer a woman not to have s*x with them. It keeps the chase going. Don’t get me wrong, I will have s*x with her but I would prefer her to say no. ”
It is a sad day when a man is having to tell a woman not to have s*x or not to have s*x to soon. Ladies, do you demand respect? Do you behave in an unladylike manner? Do you find yourself in precarious situations that you are ashamed of? Do you allow a man to speak to you in a disrespectful manner?
Does he call you or refer to you out of your name such as: “B” or a whore, etc? Is the answer to any of these questions, yes? If so, why? Do you think that this will help you get or keep a man? It won’t. Please don’t ever disrespect yourself for anyone. When you respect yourself, others will respect you. Always remember, your actions teach people how to treat you and they will follow your lead accordingly. Decide today to respect yourself and others will do the same.
can’t keep a man
This is a hard one but let’s start with this question: Was he yours in the first place? I know that is a harsh question, but some women are extremely guilty of fantasizing about a relationship and making it more than what it is. A simple example: Just because he said you look nice doesn’t mean he is madly in love with you. He only meant that you looked nice. And that’s it! Nothing more!
I am a firm believer that if a man wants you, he will tell you. You won’t have to figure it out, decode his conversations or interrogate your friends with their thoughts. And when a man tells you he doesn’t want you, he means it. He doesn’t want you. So no matter how much you do for him or how much s*x you have with him, he will still not be your man. It goes back to respect. If you are giving a man the “world” for free with no demands or stipulations, he will take it. It doesn’t mean he is in love with you. It just means that he was just along for the ride. Ladies make sure that the effort that you are putting forth towards this relationship is being reciprocated by your potential mate. It should be an equal balance of give and take. Most importantly, be sure that the man you are trying to keep wants to be kept by you.
I want my own man
Don’t we all. And the best way to get your man is to love yourself, respect yourself and enjoy yourself. Do you! When you are busy taking care of you, you will be found. Too often, women are obsessing about a man, either getting one, keeping one or replacing one. Instead, spend that energy and time on you. Pursuing your destiny and fulfilling your God given purpose. And while you are focused on you and enjoying your life, your man, the right man will come.
I interviewed a variety of men ages 25-55 and asked what they found sexy or appealing about a woman and the answers were all the same:
Confident, a woman who knows her value and worth.
Friendly, outgoing, and fun loving.
Clothing, a fashionable dresser but leaves something to the imagination.
A woman who takes care of herself; hair, nails, etc.
A woman that challenges a man to be the best he can be.
Of course opinions will vary but at the end of the day, you want a man who wants you, loves you and wants to see you succeed. Please don’t settle. There is a great man waiting just for you. One that is worthy of you and you worthy of him. Wait for him. You will be glad that you did.
It really grieves me to constantly hear the horror stories from women regarding relationships that have gone wrong. We have all experienced the hurt, pain and devastation from making poor choices. But don’t let that pain go in vain. Pick up the pieces, learn from those mistakes and make a vow to put yourself first, to love yourself, respect yourself and to demand the best for yourself. I truly believe that you will see a difference in not only the caliber of men you attract but the person that you will become.
I wish you nothing but God’s best in every area of your life.