It’s only a *little* dysfunctional …
Want to know how to make a man fall in love with you using the same kind of fear mongering used by big food, big pharma, and women with insecurity issues? There are lots of ways to manipulate a man go to a baby shower, wash the dishes or send out cute thank you notes—and FEAR is the answer. History has proven that manipulation is the only way to get what you want.
1. Make Him See Red
Make sure you wear the reddest lipstick you can find, so when you give him your look of disapproval, which is as often as possible, it will cause a tug of war with his emotions. Red is the symbol for love, warning and danger. What a perfect balance of sweet and evil. According to Wikipedia, in the middle ages a red flag symbolized no mercy for the enemy. Follow in history’s path so he will never forget how much he loves you and who is really in charge, you.
2. Get To Know His Mother
Find the b*ttons that pushed him over the edge when he was 5. If you can learn the exact phrases his mother used when he played in the mud and got his Sunday best dirty, even better. Try out specific phrases until you see tension in his body. Watch for sweating and reddening of his face. When you get him feeling emotional and out of control, you’re on your way to having complete control over his every move.
The best way to make him fall in love with you is to first make him feel unlovable. Say his first, middle and last name with emphasis on every syllable especially when he doesn’t show you appreciation for the macaroni and cheese you prepared for dinner.
3. Always Tell Him What He’s Doing Wrong
If he folds the towels the improper way, scold him not once, not twice, but three times. Mamma always said three times is a charm, and it’s true. You didn’t question authority and neither should he.
4. Belittle Him In Front Of His Co-Workers
Make fun of his new tie and the fact that he forgets to mow the lawn or take out the garbage unless you remind him. Remind him that he couldn’t live without you because he would be a total mess. Make sure to team up with his friends so you can tease him when he’s not quite out of earshot.
5. Knock Down Every One Of His Ideas
If he says he likes Indian food, tell him it makes your stomach hurt. If he wants to rent a cabin for the weekend so you can both get away, tell him he hasn’t finished his “honey-do list” yet, and you’re allergic to mosquitoes. Don’t let him have opinions of his own; just make sure he has yours.
6. Never Look Him In The Eye Or See You Sweat
Keep your emotions locked up and never shed a tear in front of him, ever. Stuff your feelings down as far as you can so he will never see the pain you’re really feeling.
If you’re really following these rules in your relationships, you have work to do (and LOTS of it) because you haven’t learned to let go. You haven’t let go of your past. You haven’t let go of your own fear.
This fear you’re clinging lets you continue pushing love away instead of letting it in.
These scare tactics might work when it comes to selling cereal and starting wars, but it never works when you’re looking for love.