In my experience, these roadblocks take the form of limiting beliefs. Beliefs shape our feelings, perceptions of others, and everything we say and do. They feel like the truth, but really they’re just stories we’ve told ourselves to make sense of our situation. We look at our experiences, teachings, and cultural programming for proof that our beliefs are true.
Guess what? We usually find what we’re looking for.
For example, if a man says, “I’ll call you soon,” after a date, but disappears into thin air, what is your first thought? Do you tell yourself:
All men lie
Maybe he’s busy, so I’ll call him
He was intimidated by me
God removed him from my life
Or do you think that he enjoyed himself on the date, but didn’t see a future with you and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you he didn’t want to see you again (which is actually what many men have told me)?
Awareness of your beliefs about yourself, love, men, and relationships are so important because your thoughts, feelings and attitudes act like an internal GPS on your journey to love. If you’re not careful, they could be keeping you from the relationship you want.
Let me help you move past 3 common relationship roadblocks:
1) Believing That Love Is Found
Ever heard the saying, “She was looking for love in all the wrong places?” Well looking for love is the wrong strategy in the first place (and you know what, so is expecting love to find you!)
Love is not an object that can be found. Love is who you are. When you understand that, you’ll stop trying to get love from a man and instead begin sharing love with the right man.
2) Believing A List Will Help You Recognize Mr. Right
When I ask a woman what she’s looking for, the first thing she’ll say is,”Where’s my list?”
She’s usually talking about her Ideal Man list which describes all the things she requires in a man. The problem is, we approach these requirements like they’re a shopping list and that the perfect man is a product we can acquire if we just look in the right place.
Most people’s lists aren’t original anyway. Almost everyone says they want a man who is tall, financially stable, has a good sense of humor and loves God. There are millions of men who have these traits, right?
Besides, what happened to the inner traits that define the character of a man and ensure the success of a relationship? Have these things made your list?
Not only does this relationship roadblock cause us to judge men on the wrong criteria, but it also can create a checklist that makes a date feel more like an interview. Down the road, tension can develop when you realize your man isn’t living up to your expectations (and he can feel that!)
3) Believing You Only Have One Soulmate
If you believe that there is only one person out there for you, chances are you have a script in your head of how you should meet your Mr. Right, what he’ll look like, how he’ll act, how you’ll feel and so on.
This belief blocks you from love because you’ll dismiss men who aren’t your type; you’ll complain there isn’t enough chemistry; you’ll feel afraid that choosing the man you’re with now could make you miss out on someone better; or you’ll have unrealistic expectations about how a man should act.
You’ll also fight to stay in a bad relationship if you believe there’s only one man for you, because deep inside you fear that there won’t be anyone else out there for you.
Usually you’ll say things like, “I haven’t met the right one yet,” “I know God is sending him,” “It’ll happen one day.”
The problem with believing that only one person out of 7 billion people on Earth could make a good husband for you, is that you ultimately feel that good relationships happen by chance instead of by choice.
So what should you do if you discover you have relationship roadblocks in you heart? Understand that love is a journey and it begins with you. Change your way of thinking and you’ll change your results!