There are certain aspects of your morning meal that can serve as personality indicators for the rest of us.
Here’s what I mean:
As a rule of thumb, if you’re eating oatmeal for breakfast, there’s typically a real solid chance you have your life together.
That, or you just really enjoy waking up an extra 30 minutes early each morning, to properly prepare a bowl of glob that tastes like soggy cardboard – no matter how many strawberries you slice up and sprinkle on top.
2. Avocado toast
You’re trendy; you’re a big fan of brunch and wouldn’t dare post that Saturday morning ‘Gram without the table flooded with champagne flutes, avocado toast, and a nice and subtle 70 percent Valencia.
You’ve got money, or at least, your parents have money and your dad probably makes all the lease payments on your 3 Series – as long as you promise to stay out of rehab.
3. Sugary cereal
Opting for cereal, well into your 20s, means you either eat the majority of the box stoned – without milk or a spoon – or you just never really made the leap to adult breakfast foods.
And, why would you? You love your “Fruity Pebbies” – especially because of the brain-busting games on the back of the box – and when you’re friends call you immature, your rebuttal is invariably, “I know you are, but what am I?”
4. Belgian waffle / pancakes
If you’re joyfully diving into a stack of chocolate chip pancakes, I bet you’re as sweet and warm as your choice of breakfast – and, perhaps, as fluffy too.
You love yourself, but not in the ego-maniacal fashion. You’re simply comfortable in your own skin.
You hardly ever judge others and people recognize this quality, which is why they never choose to judge you, in return – despite the fact that it’s a little past 7am and you’re shoveling ice cream onto a Belgian waffle saturated in maple syrup.
5. McDonald’s breakfast
If you’re hitting McDonald’s breakfast with any real frequency, chances are you’re also likely battling an issue of some sort.
This might be a weight issue – evident by your morning order of three to four McGriddles and a super-sized Mountain Dew – or a fiscal issue, per chance, which is why you walked ten blocks to save a dollar and change on coffee.
You also might be homeless. Whatever the reason, on the bright side, at least your up and at ‘em before 10:30.
Let’s be real: Your mother definitely texted you as soon as you got to the bagel spot, just to make sure you made it there safely. You’re a bagel pro.
You scoff at people who order rolls; you strictly refer to cream cheese as “schmear,” and, Moses forbid, the person in front of you ever asks for his “scooped out.” Where you come from, that’s a cardinal sin, if only sins existed in Judaism.
7. Bacon, egg and cheese sandwich
The most popular breakfast combination known to man, or at least people from Long Island. You’re a golden god – and you know it, too – so, naturally, you indulge in a savory breakfast every single morning.
You give zero f*cks about nutrition. Hell, you give no f*cks about anything – and you make this abundantly clear on a morning-to-morning basis – as you stroll into to the office 25 minutes late with your brown-bagged BEC and a Snapple.
You don’t care you’re loud as f*ck (and chew with your mouth open), or that the entire office now reeks of fried pig fat, either. In your mind, you’re entitled to it. To everything.
8. Adderall, cigarettes, and coffee
Another popular breakfast combination, especially among those who either decided to give up calories for lent or pledged a sorority. Personally, you see no issue with your dietary habits; you’re just not really into the whole food thing.
As a result, you make it seem like you’re super busy and stressed – at all times – as to give people the impression there really wasn’t any time for food, anyway. You forgot breakfast. At least that’s what you tell ‘em, anyway.
9. Greek yogurt
Not to be confused with the parfait eater, the Greek yogurt connoisseur is very conscious – and attains supreme knowledge about all things fitness.
If you’re opting for a nutrition-packed Chobani every morning, you’re probably either a bro looking to get big this bulking season, or a fashion student, who’s trying to get thin for the summer.
It’s a vexing dynamic, especially considering how their fitness goals are polar opposites.
10. Eggs and toast
Two eggs, sunny-side up, with a couple pieces of buttered toast and a glass of OJ; your breakfast is the gold standard, and so are you.
You’re the classic, All-American guy or gal, and your pick of breakfast is probably about as mainstream as the rest of your life choices.
You tried weed in college (albeit, you probably didn’t “like” it); you go to the gym every other day, and you always post pictures of your well-balanced breakfast plate across social media – just to make sure everybody knows you’re well-rounded, too!
Ever since your one semester abroad, you can’t help but spit at the American style of breakfast – or ugly Americans, in general.
You’ve adapted to the European way of life, and have now moved onto the finer things, like decorative scarves and nibbling pastries for breakfast.
You’ve abandoned filtered coffee because it’s “tacky,” which is why you sashay toward your cubicle each morning clutching a cappuccino, accompanied by a brioche and the general feeling that you’re better than everybody else.
You’re a regular ol’ Jack Lalanne. You spend most of your day hungry, carrying around a red Lululemon bag, telling people you had juice for breakfast.
You’re very into cleanses, yoga and other sh*t that has words like “reinvigoration” in the description.
For the most part, you’re very into wasting your money on things that sound healthy but don’t actually provide any real results.
13. A bar
While you understand eating in the morning is a necessity, you also realize tasting good is not. You might be a little insecure, judging by the fact that you grab a bar on your way out and seek eating in privacy, most likely during your morning commute.
This could arise from your history of doing just enough to get by, and the bar is essentially a rolled-oat version of your life: slightly inadequate, but manages to get the job done.