Zoo Offers Cockroach Adoptions For Angry Lovers Against Feb 14

Zoo-offers-roach-scorpion-adoptions-for-scorned-lovers

The San Francisco Zoo is bringing Valentine’s Day cheer to angry ex-lovers by allowing them to adopt scorpions and cockroaches in the names of their exes. Read more from UPI:

“This Valentine’s Day, if you care enough to send the very best, you’ll choose our charming Madagascar Hissing Cockroach package,” the zoo said on its website.

The zoo suggested the adoption package for the hissing cockroach, which grows to a size of 2-4 inches long and is believed to be the only hissing insect, is the perfect way to show “your favorite ex” that you have “moved on” with your life. The zoo also suggested jilted lovers consider adopting a giant hairy scorpion in the name of a “low-life ex.”

“So the latest affair didn’t work out and given your ex’s record-breaking ability to move on, you suspect foul play. Well, nothing soothes the sting like the adoption of a giant hairy scorpion in honor of your former beloved. It’s no surprise, these invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal.“Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or ‘caves.’ Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming. 

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