First dates are really important. It’s hardly rocket science; a first date is a time when you want to make a really good impression. It’s also a time when you want – and need – your date to make a good impression on you. After all, you wouldn’t go on a second date with someone who doesn’t tick all the right boxes would you?
Actually, you might well. If you’re like most women,you’ve probably already done that more than once in your life. You’ve probably even gone on second dates with people who’ve ticked one, or more, of the wrong boxes. Okay, that’s good for you to know. You know how well that turned out. But let’s look, now, at the 5 things you don’t want to be doing in future, because they absolutely won’t get you the outcome you want. Going on dates with the wrong men is absolutely NOT going to help you find the love of your life.
- No No #1 Turn up in needy mode. A previous relationship may have dented your confidence, or you may be worrying about the lack of half-way decent men, and what happens if this date doesn’t work out. That is no way to show up on a date. Your date will be able to sniff out needinesss in no time flat. You have a duty to make sure you’re feeling good before you show up on that date. Why? Because when you feel good, he’ll end up feeling good, too. So, whether or not he’s your Ideal Man at least you’ll both have a good time.
- No No #2 Spill your guts about your ex. That goes for your date, too. You’re not selling a second-car. You do not have to give a full and frank account of its history. (In point of fact, not eveneveryone selling a second-hand care does that: sometimes, they are a tad economical with the truth.) This is not confession time. Chances are, you hardly know this person. What you want to do is find out a little about them, and get a feel of them – but not in the tactile sense. This is the time to avoid over-shares – of every kind.
- No No #3 Rush into things. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and there’s more than one way to rush into a relationship. Obviously, you can do that sexually – which tends to be a bad idea – and you can do that emotionally by starting to fantasize about your long-term future together: babies, grandchildren, where you’ll live, his and hers cemetery plots. Bad idea! Why? Because when you disappear into your own fantasy, the future you see – that doesn’t actually exist – can look so damned attractive that you can cheerfully overlook things about him that you know intuitively just aren’t right for you.
- No No #4 Play at the Spanish Inquisition. Going on a first date can be stressful- especially if you tell yourself how stressful it’s going to be. Most people do NOT thrive on uncertainty. One quick way to get rid of that uncertainty might be to have a private detective check the other person out! Okay, so you wouldn’t do that. You know that would be truly a little crazy. However, asking deep and searching questions like: “What’s your relationship with your mother like?” or “Are you ready to settle down?” are not a whole lot better. This is a time to keep it light.
- No No #5 Try to impress. Why wouldn’t you try to impress? Because when you’re trying to impress, you’re not being your authentic self. Who you truly are is the most valuable thing you have to offer. If someone sees it, but doesn’t appreciate it, then it’s good that it happened on Date 1, rather than further down the line. If someone can’t appreciate you for who you truly are, why would you want to be with them? The same goes for them, too. That is unless the string of cars, the properties, the clothes, and whatever else, matter to you more than the person.
- You are – or certainly should be – your most valuable asset. You don’t want to sell that asset short on a first date. In fact, you don’t want to sell it, at all. What’s the purpose of a first date? Simply to assess whether there is enough mileage in your interaction to make it worth your while to go on a second date with this person. And share more time with them, and find out more about them. And then decide whether you want to progress the relationship to a third date. Simple, right?