Any way you look at it, successful relationships are hard…real hard…like, real hard. Guys and gals alike stack up so many unrealistic expectations on each other, nobody could ever possibly live up to ‘em. Here are the ultimatums that very few dudes are capable of honoring — check ‘em out, and then hear it from the girls’ side.
1. “Never look at other women.”
Come on, we have eyes, don’t we? Earlier this year, a scientific study found that people can’t physically control their wandering eye for half a second. We could lie and tell you that we don’t look, but why? We still only want to be with you. (Hey, we’re not all as bad as Pete Campbell.) It’s absurd to think we won’t find other women attractive, but it doesn’t mean we’re going to stray.
2. “Can you just be honest with me about everything?”
Don’t you like having a little mystery in your life? Isn’t that what attracted you to us in the first place? If we always told the unfiltered truth, your feelings would probably be hurt. We’ll be honest when it matters, we promise.
3. “Shower me with praise — I deserve to be treated like a queen.”
Look, we don’t want you to get a big head. We think you’re great, but please don’t get offended when we forget to say those nice things all the time. We just can’t remember to be romantic 24/7, especially when there’s a game on and we want to clear our heads. We promise to buy you a chocolate rose from a gas station from time to time, OK?
4. “If you don’t get a job by next week, I’m leaving.”
Well, that’s fair. You know it’s a sluggish economy still, right? We’ll update our résumé as soon as we’re done playing “GTA.”
5. “You’re not wearing that shirt…are you?”
Most guys have zero fashion sense. Our lucky shirt may be covered in holes (just like our lucky underwear and lucky socks), but asking us to trash it is like asking us to trash an old friend.
Yeah, we can dress like the store display if you want, but it won’t be the same. You can dress up a turd, but it’s still a turd. Besides, we’d rather spend money on you, babe.
6. “I wish you would show more emotion — I want to see you cry.”
Crying is a sign of weakness. OK, maybe that’s not true, but it feels true. We can hold you and rub your back while your eyes leak, but it’s hard for some of us to share our feelings. Rest assured, though, we are sad on the inside.
7. “Can you smell like Matthew McConaughey looks?”
Sorry, we are guys and we stink. Besides, our musk is what makes you want us, because pheromones or something. Alright, alright, alright…we’ll take a damn shower.