You’re chatting up a beautiful woman at the bar. She’s single! She’s nursing a beer! Why shouldn’t you make your move? Well, while your potential new fling sure seems like a catch, she might give off signs that say she’s not worth pursuing. Here are five women to be wary of—at least until you do the proper research.
1. The Woman Fresh Out of a Relationship
Why she’s trouble: “Women on the rebound are incredibly attractive, because they’re full of passion and typically a little wild, but they’ll rip your heart out,” warns Donna Barnes, New York-based relationship coach and author of Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices. A girl who just had her heart broken is trying to avoid the pain however she can, and may have abandonment anxiety: She’s uncomfortable being alone, and will reach out to whoever is there to feel better, Barnes explains. That means she’ll happily jump head-first into a new relationship with adoration and allure, which makes it easy for you to get attached—and hurt. Plus, without sorting through things on her own first, she may project some of the the problems from her last relationship onto you, which is impossible to reason with, Barnes adds.
2. The Woman Who Hates Her Job
Why she’s trouble: “There are plenty of women out there who don’t take their careers seriously, because they don’t want to work and are just looking for someone to support them,” says NYC-based relationship therapist Rachel Sussman, author of The Breakup Bible. Decide if she’s on the hunt for the wrong reasons—like your bank account—by asking about her career. If she seems to be passionate about it, or expresses a drive to move on from the job she currently hates, that’s a good sign. But if she jumps around jobs a lot or says she just doesn’t like to work, she might be digging for gold, Sussman warns. And while a lot of guys enjoy doting on women, girls who expect to be lavished are typically ungrateful of your generosity, which is toxic for relationships, Sussman says.
3. The Woman Pounding Shots at the Back of the Bar
Why she’s trouble: “Guys are attracted to girls partying hard because they look like a good time,” says Sussman. But proceed with caution: She’s blowing off steam for a reason, like a breakup or a terrible day, and some women get emotional when they’re drunk. In other words, what you thought was going to be a fun night could very easily turn into a crying mess, Barnes says.
4. The Woman Who Blames Everyone Else
Why she’s trouble: If every single story she tells is about something bad that happened—but it totally wasn’t her fault at all—beware: “She’s incapable of taking personal responsibility, so nothing will ever be her fault and she’ll never feel the need to change her problematic behaviors,” Barnes says. Unfortunately, a lot of people complain because they don’t know what else to talk about, she adds. But if every story on a first date involves someone else effing up, take it as a cue to cut her loose.
5. The Woman Glued to Her iPhone
Why she’s trouble: Her smartphone attachment means “she needs that contact with other people constantly for security,” says Barnes. And if she’s not texting her friends, she’s probably dealing with work emails, which is just as bad, Barnes adds. “The point of being out is to interact with other people. If someone can’t leave work alone on a Friday night, that dependency is going to be a problem in your relationship,” she explains.