1. He’s actually interested in how your day was. If he’s asking lots of probing questions about you (what you care about, why you had a hard day at work, etc.), he’s trying to find out what makes you happy. And if he’s doing that, he’ll probably be just as interested in finding out what works for you in bed. Which is a great starting point.
2. He knows how to touch you in general. If he’s able to touch your hand in a way that feels amazing or massage your head in a way that makes your eyes roll back in your head, it’s pretty much guaranteed that he knows how to handle everything else properly.
3. He makes you feel unstoppably gorgeous. I’m of the mindset that you should never be with anyone who does not do this, because once I finally started dating people who made me feel like I was the most spectacularly hot human they’d ever met, I knew I could never accept anything less. So take it from me and just start doing that right now. Plus, the sex is a million times better because you’re never self-conscious. Which is a huge thing.
4. He’s a super ambitious person. I once dated someone who was incredibly lazy and, not-at-all shocker, they were pretty much the same way in bed. There are exceptions to this, of course, but generally speaking, if he’s a hard worker in life, he’s not going to slack off once you guys finally have sex.
5. He’s a great dancer. OK, this is just true. Guys who say they hate dancing always make me laugh because why would you admit that you hate moving your body in a fun way? You might as well just straight-up tell me, “I will fuck you poorly,” because that’s all I’m hearing when you say it.
6. He makes serious, intense eye contact with you. When I look back on people I’ve dated and I think about what it felt like to actually look into their eyes — if they had problems with eye contact, if they seemed kind of nervous and scattered — it really was indicative of what sex was like with them. If you look at a guy and even eye contact with him is seriously intense in a way that makes you the best kind of nervous, yeah, it’s gonna be outstanding sex. It just is.
7. He doesn’t rush anything. My friend recently went on a first date where the guy tried to put his hand down her pants three seconds after they started kissing. They never went out again and I continue to think he is a gigantic piece of street garbage (also there’s no way his hands were clean, which is just upsetting), but I guarantee if she’d slept with him, it would’ve lasted five minutes tops. If a guy doesn’t jump down your throat when you start kissing him, and if things continue to unfold slowly, the same will be true in bed.
8. He’s nonjudgmental in general. If he’s not judgmental about your love of watching Bridesmaidsevery single Friday night like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen it, he probably won’t be judgmental of any kinks you have either.
9. He uses his hands in a way that suggests he’s, uh, good at using them. Even if it’s just a matter of watching the way he uses his hands when he speaks, you know when someone knows what they’re doing.
10. When you ask him to stop doing something/anything, he stops. If you tell him to stop making fun of something because it hurts your feelings and he immediately stops and apologizes, he’ll probably do the same thing in bed. This is maybe the most important thing in the world.
11. You feel genuinely comfortable around him. If you feel like he accepts and respects you, you’re going to be able to be more communicative around him, and it means he’ll take note of everything you say (and hint at), and act on it.
12. He’s confident in general. I know this is said all the time, but it’s really true. If someone isn’t confident at all, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be bad in bed, but it does usually mean they won’t be fantastic in bed. Which is almost just as bad.