Have you ever wondered why men seem to be totally fine with breakups while women take them like a punch in the stomach? Well, new research has proved that girls find it much harder than the opposite sex to get over it.
Capital One discovered that women take nearly 20 per cent longer than men to recover from the breakdown of a long-term relationship and that on average, we need one month of healing time for every year spent together to fully get over a breakup.
And even more great news: seven per cent of men would take less than a week to move on from the breakdown of a five-year relationship. (really, guys?).
To find out why and how to deal with it, psychologist Donna Dawson talks about how to actually, properly, finally get over your break-up and stop thing about your ex boyfriend for good
“We have to treat a breakup like a mini bereavement; this is the death of a relationship,” says Donna. “In some ways the steps to cope are exactly the same.”
‘What are these blimmin’ steps?’ we hear you cry! Well, here you are:
1. Make a list of why they sucked.
“Women are more likely to dwell on the happy memories and to see things through rose-tinted glasses. To stop this, remind yourself of all the things that really caused the breakup and all those problems you overlooked because you wanted to be in love.
“Pin it somewhere so you can see it every day.”
2. Get rid of the pictures.
“Ideally, throw out all of the cards he sent you, all the presents. If you can’t dare to do that, put them in a box and give it to someone you trust. They can stick it in the loft until you’re at a point where you are over the sentimental connection.”
3. Tell your friends to stop talking about them.
“If you need some time to grieve with your girls, set a time limit of a week or two. After that, ban them from talking about it.
“Over-analysing the breakup or hearing about how they’ve seen him with another girl won’t help anyone. Draw a line in the sand and just start moving on.”
4. Have a social media detox.
“Binning the ex-related goods applies to Facebook and Twitter, too. The last thing you need is a daily reminder of what they’re up to and who they’re with.
“You have to move on mentally as well as physically, and you can’t move on mentally unless the physical stuff happens first. Delete, delete, DELETE!”
5. Stop clinging on to ‘being friends’.
“Why would you want to be friends with somebody who has broken up with you? If they didn’t love you enough to date you, why would you want them as a friend? You don’t need him!
“There’s no such thing as being friends with an ex-lover. There is too much temptation to rehash old insecurities, question what went wrong and dwell on your shared experiences. Stop living in the past.”
6. Embrace the single life.
“If you move in circles with a lot of couples, stay away! Get yourself a hobby or hang out with your single friends and make some NEW memories. Do something different to start the new you.
“All those things that you didn’t feel you could do when you were with him – do them. Even if it’s just sitting in bed and making crumbs eating a whole packet of biscuits.”
7. The best revenge is indifference.
“Join a new class at the gym, change your hair or treat yourself to some new clothes, but do it for YOU. In their worst moments, your ex will want to think that you are weeping and wailing about them, so the best thing you can do is think, ‘I can make myself happy and actually I’m better off without you.’”
8. Step away from Tinder.
“It’s much easier to convince yourself you’re ready to meet someone new from the comfort of your own home and this will encourage you to jump into a rebound relationship. Which won’t help in the long-term.
“The other problem with online dating is that it’s much easier to project a set criteria of what you’re looking for (and compare them to an ex) than if you develop chemistry with someone spontaneously when you’re face to face.”
9. Stop the comparisons. Now.
“If you’re comparing new men to your old one and thinking, ‘Oh, you’re not as good looking as my ex,’ head right back to the first point on my list, because you aren’t over him!
“Just remember that the great thing about your new guy, whoever he is, is that he is NOT your ex!”
10. Give positivity a try. Honest.
“Treat the next person as if he was the only guy in the world and just look at him. Don’t look over your shoulder.
“If you really need to make comparisons, write down all the current guy’s virtues, remind yourself what this new guy’s got going for him and wipe the slate clean.”