Want your hubby to improve his communication? Give him an objective and motivation.
It’s been said that men are from Mars and according to a recent survey, this seems appropriate. A whopping ninty-two percent of women admitted they are often confused by the way their men acted and/or reacted to situations and wished they understood their significant other better.
Chances are, you’re in that number. So keep reading to unravel men’s “mysterious” ways — secrets that will help you understand your man better and bring you closer together than ever before.
He clams up when he’s stressed: When you have a problem, you solve it by thinking out loud, right? Women are definitely pre-wired to use speech as a main form of expression. When problem-solving, they’ll typically chatter away — to a friend, relative or partner — about options, possibilities, people involved and what they need to do.
That means when he’s using his right brain to try and find solutions to problems, he literally can’t use the left side of his brain to listen or speak!
What to do about it: Let him be. Sure, it can be tempting to urge, “Come on, let’s talk about what’s bothering you. You’ll feel better!” But this is what works for you, not him. Instead, give him the solitude and space he craves, and once he’s solved his problem — or wants your input — he’ll be ready to talk again.
Why he can’t read your mind: Your gal pals always know when something is bothering you — and you don’t even have to say a word. So, how can your sweetie be so clueless? Studies show that while women can quickly detect a range of emotions — both verbal and nonverbal — men are simply not wired with such super-sensory abilities.
What to do about it: Tell him exactly what’s bothering you. Surveys show that men really do want to please the women they love. But they need you to spell things out for them first, by being as clear and concise as possible.
Why he hates getting advice: Ever notice how rarely men ask for directions — even when they’re hopelessly lost? Men need to feel capable of solving their own problems. In fact, don’t be surprised if he gets upset with you for offering solutions to his dilemmas. Naturally, you’re only trying to help, but chances are, he’ll view your input as criticism and may get upset because he feels incompetent.
What to do about it: Give him the “silent” treatment. Unless your man specifically asks for your advice, your best bet is to zip your lips. In fact, doing this actually sends him a powerful and loving message: that you have confidence in his ability to work things out.
Why he loves giving advice: Of course, when the shoe’s on the other foot and you have a problem, he doesn’t hesitate to tell you what to do about it, right? That’s because men have logical, problem-solving minds. So, when he continually interrupts you to offer solutions to your problems, he can’t help himself. His brain is simply programmed to do so.
What to do about it: Tell him, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Keep in mind that his intentions are honorable. He truly believes you’ll feel much better once you have a solution to your problem. So, be sure to acknowledge and appreciate his efforts by saying something like, “Babe, I know you’re trying to help me, and I love you for that.” Then, explain that you’re not looking for solutions and that if he really wants to help, he’ll just listen.
Why he’s so freaking blunt: Ever tried to get a conversation going with your guy by asking him a simple question like “How was your day?” Chances are, you got a one-word response, “Fine.”
Studies confirm that men’s sentences tend to be short, direct and to the point for a reason. This kind of speech helps close business deals quickly and efficiently and is a means of asserting authority over others. But in intimate relationships, these kinds of responses are not very endearing.
What to do about it: Ask better questions. The trick to getting your man to open up is to ask him more open-ended questions.
Examples: “What was the best (or worst) part of your day?” or “Tell me all about your visit with your brother, and I want details!” Questions like these help bring you closer together, because they encourage your significant other to elaborate and open up to you.
Why he often looks as if he’s not listening: Why do men often listen like “statues?” Chalk it up to evolution. The biological objective of the male warrior when listening was to remain impassive, so as not to betray his emotions. In other words, men’s lack of visual emotion enables them to feel in control of a situation; it does not mean they don’t experience emotions. In fact, brain scans reveal that men feel emotion as strongly as women do, but they avoid showing it.
What to do about it: Be gentle with him. His stone face may frustrate you, but lay off the nagging and finger pointing. Just remember that it’s harder for him to talk about his feelings and that he may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you’re patient and soft-spoken with him, he’ll feel more comfortable and far more likely to share his innermost thoughts and feelings with you.
Why he surfs TV channels: Surveys reveal this male habit ranks among women’s top pet peeves. But what he’s really doing is searching for the bottom line in each story. He’s also relaxing. By channel surfing, he can forget about his own problems, and look for solutions to other people’s issues.
What to do about it: Ignore it. Remember, his forefathers spent more than a million years sitting expressionless on a rock surveying the horizon. So, this comes naturally to him, and he is comfortable doing it.
Why he can’t find stuff: How familiar does this conversation sound:
He says: “Where’s the cereal?”
You say: “In the cupboard.”
He says: “Well, I’m looking there, but I don’t see it.”
You say: “Well, it’s there. I put it there myself 10 minutes ago.”
He says: “No, you must have put it somewhere else. There’s definitely no cereal here.”
At that, you head to the kitchen, stick your hand into the cupboard, roll your eyes and hand him the cereal. Men often feel this is a trick so they accuse women of always hiding things from them: socks, shoes, underwear, car keys, wallets. They’re all there, though; men just can’t see them.
What to do about it: Blame it on biology. Men’s brains, being pre-wired for hunting, see a narrow field. They have to move their heads from side to side and up and down as they scan for “missing” objects. But because of women’s history defending the nest, their brains decode information over a wider peripheral range, and they can see most of the contents of a refrigerator or cupboard without even moving their heads.
Why he hates shopping: For women, shopping can be rejuvenating and relaxing — even if we don’t buy a thing. It’s like talking. It doesn’t need to have a specific point or objective and it can take place in an unstructured way over several hours. Twenty minutes or more of this type of shopping, however, drives men bonkers. Why? Because to them, it’s not logical and seems to have no purpose.
What to do about it: Energize him. If your spouse desperately needs new clothes, there’s only one way to motivate him to shop for them. He needs an objective, a target to hit and a timetable. So, give him clear criteria — colors, sizes, brands, styles — and tell him where you will shop and for how long. With clear objectives (even if you’ve invented them), you’ll be amazed at a man’s shopping enthusiasm! And who knows? Maybe he’ll even buy something sexy for you!
Source: Yourtango.com