Growing apart? 3 ways to re-ignite the relationship flame

Fix your relationship with a secret that long term couples do naturally

What if the reason you’re growing apart is because you’re missing this one secret on how to fix your relationship that long-term couples do naturally?

One of the biggest misunderstandings that cause a gap between men and women is that you are growing apart because your partner changed and there is nothing you can do about it. We call “uncle” on that!

We understand how frustrating it can be when you find yourself across the table from your partner and you don’t know what to say. Maybe you feel like you don’t even know each other anymore.

Are you with the wrong partner? Did he or she change or did you? People change, but that does not mean you can’t stay connected while you both go through life’s natural process of growth and change.

Men and women are different and are drawn towards different things at various stages of life. It’s human nature! How many of us know a couple that grew apart after they had kids? Many couples focus entirely on their kids and stop having shared experiences without their kids.

They drop hobbies or friends that they had before kids and stop going on dates. One day they wake up and the only thing they have to talk about is what the kids are doing after school.

Many other life changes can trigger changes in men or women and our interests; for example, career changes, moves, changes in our bodies, retirement, and ages of our kids. The list goes on.

We know a couple that almost didn’t survive retirement. All of a sudden, he was focused on her every day and she did not like it. After getting used to him working 80 hours a week and traveling for business, she had created her own interests without him. She pushed him away. He went back to work after 30 days of his wife asking “You’re leaving to play golf today, right?” He wished he’d had our relationship advice and coaching sooner.

So what is the secret relationship advice about how to fix your relationship that the long term couples do naturally? Couples that stay together navigate these life changes by creating and maintaining shared experiences throughout their lifetime. Read on to see three ways you can fix your relationship with shared experiences.

1. Weekly Date Night
Dating is not just for courting. Dating is like getting the oil changed in your car.  You can go a long time without changing the oil in your car but eventually it will do permanent damage. The same thing goes for dating.Date night does not have to cost a lot of time or money. It requires your making a plan where you honor each other by putting aside all of life for a few hours and concentrating on each other. You can go for a drive, out to dinner, take a walk or watch a movie.

Do not talk about kids or work. Connect and talk about how you are feeling or thinking about life. Have some fun!The next time you say you don’t have time or money for date night, ask yourself can you afford to lose your relationship? That’s the choice you are making.

2. Interests or Hobbies
Men and women are very different. It is common that couples who are a great match really don’t share much in common interests. Don’t worry! You can bridge this gap. Choose and focus on a few interests or hobbies that you and your partner can share. These will change over time, but make sure you continue to share a few.

Ladies, you don’t have to become a NASCAR fan or sit in a duck blind at 5 AM. Guys, you don’t have to go to the ballet or start getting pedicures. You can read the same books, watch the same tv show, music, sports to play or watch, attend church or a spiritual community, travel, garden, or even cook together.

3. Friends
Depending on the length and stage of your relationship you may or may not share a lot of mutual friends.  When couples maintain shared friendships it supports them in growing together. If you don’t share friends, take some time to think about some couples or individuals that you could both enjoy spending time with.

When we look at happy, later-life couples, we see that they share a lot of friends and do a lot with those friends like parties, holidays, travel, celebrating each other’s children and grandchildren. This is your community. Find them through places like: work, hobbies, church, neighbors, family, etc. Some couples focus on each other and let friendships go only to find later on that they don’t share much in common. Your community of common friends can even help support your relationship.

The reality is that people change over time and the relationships that thrive grow together by creating shared experiences.