There are some habits that can be so toxic that they not only threaten to destroy a relationship, but also the people involved in it. They can make the partners feel used, hurt and taken advantage of, and can even make them lose all faith over commitment and relationship. The worst part, however, is that many might have these habits without even being aware of them! Here are five such habits that seem very “normal” to have, but in reality can be damaging your relationship. Read to know if you have these and what you can do about them.
1. Maintaining a scorecard
You blame your partner for their past mistakes, especially when you both are having an argument. You literally keep a scorecard in your mind, of who has messed up the most, and use it to justify your current acts. The constant attempts to show that you are less guilty than your partner can turn into a vicious cycle of blame-game and misplaced emotions. This tendency has all potential to sap the joys of a transparent and pure relationship. If you think you are used to doing this, change right now! If you feel irritated or aggravated during a fight, abstain from bringing up old issues. Let yourself and your partner calm down, and then talk things out.
2. Using passive aggression
Instead of being open about what is bothering you, you drop hints and leave it to your partner to figure out everything on their own. Or, you are sarcastic and taunting in every conversation. You slam doors and give them the cold shoulder. Then, when they cannot comfort you (just because they cannot comprehend what is going on), you feel offended, and therefore justified for your actions. Your partner might bear with this for some time, but might get too frustrated trying to figure things out all the time. Open communication and clarity are the bases for a healthy relationship. Be clearer about your feelings and desires. Make your partner understand that while they are not responsible for how you feel, you would love to have their support. It will be easier to work it out together.
3. Spying on them
Scrolling through your partner’s mailbox or phone messages is not just bad manners, but also a habit that can ruin their trust in you, and eventually the relationship for good. The constant doubt and paranoia is sure to reflect in your interactions with your partner. Faith is the foundation of a solid relationship. Trusting your partner completely and showing that you do so, will help to strengthen your bond with every passing day. Try to focus on what they do for you and how special they make you feel, rather than worrying about what they might be talking about with a friend or what their friend might have messaged them about.
4. Comparing your partner with an ex
Sometimes, as a last resort during a fight, you might use low blow defense tactics like, comparisons with your ex. Telling your partner how your ex scores over them in any aspect is not just insulting, but also demeaning. And, if you think this will make them change themselves to suit your demands, you are wrong. This will only cause hurt and resentment. Try to focus on their positives rather than those of your ex’s. After all, there was a reason why you broke off with your ex, right?
5. Not being affectionate enough
You have started to (unknowingly) take your partner for granted. Not showering them with praises, kisses and hugs like you did some time back, has become a routine for you. When physical intimacy starts to dwindle, the relationship loses its charm. Just try to retain the intimate moments in your relationship, no matter how long you both have been together. Even simple gestures like a peck on the cheek, holding hands, surprise hugs, etc., can make your partner feel loved and cared for. This is one of the most important fuels to keep the bond strong.