Men, what would make your Christian wife want to leave you quick fast and in a hurry? That’s the question I asked my wife. With great passion, she started breaking down the reasons why. She referenced examples from our 16 years of marriage and 14 years of mentoring couples in our business, Family Bootcamp. It got serious! After she was done, I wrote this blog post from the female perspective…in response to the male perspective on why Christian men want to be single again.
I can feel some men already getting defensive. Calm down. This is not male bashing. I have neither the time nor the inclination to heighten my acclaim by denigrating others. So let’s have an honest and respectful conversation about why your wife might secretly want to leave you. If these points don’t apply to you, then God bless you. However, if they do, then take heed to these recommendations…and God bless you too.
1. “Why do I Have to Make All the Decisions?!”
My wife’s #1 reason was: “She makes all the decisions.” As she put it, “No woman wants a soft man.” Meaning, no woman feels secure with an “indecisive, whimpy man” that’s scared to take initiative or stand up for what he believes in. “A woman wants a man that knows how to make decisions”…tough decisions…she can put her trust in. If you fail to make these decisions, “or seem wishy-washy about the decisions you make”, how can you expect her to feel secure?
For the record…she’s not talking about a man who makes unilateral decisions without consulting his wife. Or a man who makes decisions by thumping his chest and screaming, “I’m the head of this household! You have to submit to me!” That’s a sign of weakness…not decisiveness. (Hint: If you have to announce your status or title to gain compliance, you’ve already lost.) She’s talking about a man who takes initiative to come up with a plan or suggestion to be discussed…instead of waiting for his wife to initiate everything. If this applies to you, then start making good decisions by initiating solutions for small task-oriented problems so that you can get some quick wins. Be prepared to discuss your reasoning with your wife to gain buy-in. This will build confidence in your decision making. Then gradually begin initiating solutions to more important issues in your marriage.
2. “Can I Get Some Help Around Here?!”
If your woman feels like you’re not helping her do anything (i.e., helping with the household responsibilities), she feels like she might as well be by herself. She’d rather take all the responsibilities and do it by herself instead of hoping you will share in the responsibilities…only to be let down. In other words, “you’re more like a liability…like her 3rd or 4th child. And your wife wishes you weren’t there.” But this can be easily fixed. Start helping out! Begin by taking over one or two responsibilities your wife already does. This will help lighten her load…and gain you much appreciation in the process.
3. “Why Can’t You Just Do What You Say You’re Gonna Do?!”
“You don’t follow through with what you say you’re going to do.” This one frustrated my wife the most. “You either do the opposite of what you say, or you do nothing.” Either way, you are driving your wife crazy…and that will make a woman want to leave you with the quickness. There’s a Proverb that says, “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.” (Pro 25:19 KJV). That verse is saying, such a man is unreliable, unsupportive…and very painful to have around. Don’t be that dude. Don’t let your word be like a broken tooth. Or your actions be reliable as a broken foot. Be a man of integrity in both word and deed. This will garner trust in you and security for your wife. Then she might think about staying.
This by no means is an entire list. Cheating, physical and substance abuse were three that I started to add. But these are my wife’s points. And her points highlight some serious issues that got Christian wives contemplating some tough decisions about the future of their marriage. So, Christian husband, if you have any long-term, ongoing, reoccurring issues in your marriage, I advise you to check in with your wife to see how you’re doing in these three areas above. Take the initiative and have this tough conversation. And if you’re too reluctant to do so, that may give you a clue on how you’re doing.