Having a large derriere is both a blessing and a curse.
There are plenty of things to enjoy about having a big booty — who doesn’t love curves? You have your own built-in padding, which means hard chairs are no issue and you’ll never have to pay for one of those special gel seats at spin class. The “bend and snap” is your signature move, and shaking that thing can sometimes convince people you actually know how to dance.
But with a large b*tt comes great responsibility. Here are 19 issues you may have faced if endowed with a generous behind:
1. Men on the street have asked if they can use your derriere as a pillow. (They most certainly may not.)
2. Your dresses are three inches longer in the front than they are in the back.
3. Strangers have asked you for your squat routine.
4. You have to leave the bar when “Baby Got Back” comes on. Or “Bootylicious.” Or “Miss New Booty.”
5. That freakum dress Beyonce’s always talking about? Unless you want to look like you’re working a street corner, it’s just not gonna happen.
6. Shopping for jeans is worse than the Hunger Games.
7. You have definitely knocked something over by turning around too fast.
8. Three words: Lower back pain.
9. Buttcrack. Always.
10. No underwear provides enough coverage. Even granny panties look cheeky.
11. You can’t safely store anything in your back pockets.
12. For you, “work-appropriate pants” are slacks four times bigger than your normal size with the waist taken in.
13. Bikinis without a mix-and-match size option are your own personal form of hell.
14. Drunk friends have tried to balance drinks on your behind.
15. Everyone assumes you can twerk.
16. You can’t even think about wearing spandex shorts to the gym.
17. Before smartphones, you b*tt-dialed everyone you knew on a regular basis.
18. Seating is a struggle. You take up a surprising amount of space on the subway, and got stuck in every high school desk.
19. You have gotten tan lines from your own b*tt cheeks.