Want great s*x for the rest of your marital life? Read these tips and thank me later…
1. Don’t Talk Yourself Out Of What You Need
It’s too easy for us women to convince ourselves to settle for less. We’re so helpful and accommodating, so eager to please and afraid of rejection that we’re quick to give up the things we need, including when it comes to s*x. What we need to see is that doing this will leave us chronically frustrated. While it’s true that every relationship requires a certain amount of compromise, going without the things that we really need just doesn’t work. We’ll end up unhappy in the relationship or resentful toward our partner. The bottom line is, we need to know what we can’t live without, sexually, and what we just can’t live with. We ignore these non-negotiables at the expense of a fulfilling s*x life.
2. Share Your Needs And Feelings With Your Partner
If you can’t ask them for what you want in bed, you shouldn’t be sleeping with them. Good s*x happens when we feel safe and at ease. If we’re afraid to ask for something or to tell our partner that we don’t like something, s*x will never be more than mediocre. This second tip follows from the first one, in that once we identify what we want and don’t want, we have to express these things clearly. It’s unfair to expect our partner to be a mind-reader and “prove” that they care by somehow knowing what we want without our having to tell them. Healthy s*x comes out of healthy communication.
3. Accept Your Body As It Is Now
We need to be in touch with our bodies; with what feels good, what feels not so good and what feels wrong. We also really need to stop judging ourselves in terms of our weight and our shape. Only a superficial dope would give us a hard time over our imperfections. If someone makes us feel bad about our physical selves, this is more a reflection of his inadequacies than of our own. Our negative self-talk has to stop. The running commentary on how fat we are, how much cellulite or how many wrinkles we have is guaranteed to kill the mood, often before it even starts. Feeling good about our bodies is crucial if we’re going to let go and enjoy ourselves. Being physically self-conscious will keep us from experiencing the joyful abandon of great s*x.
4. Never Refuse s*x As A Punishment Or Use It As A Reward
In the bad old days, some women were led to believe that the way to get a man to toe the line is to offer s*x for good behavior or withhold it when the man has displeased them. Most of us today recognize this as hateful behaviour and a recipe for disaster. Men don’t want to be controlled or punished, especially around s*x. They don’t want to be made to feel like little boys. When we’re hurt or angry at our partner, we need to share our feelings with him in an adult way. We can even say that we’re too upset for s*x, right now. What we mustn’t ever do is make him feel like we’re deciding when he gets to have s*x, based on whether he’s been “good” or “bad.” On the other hand, using s*x as a reward turns us into s*x objects and makes s*x into a commodity for our partner to “earn.” It’s no longer two people being intimate or enjoying each other. Commodifying s*x makes it into a business transaction and our bodies then become objects for trade.
5. No Pets In The Room
We might love Fluffy or Rover, but they don’t belong in the bedroom when we’re being intimate. Our pets are very territorial and could get jealous or want to play, too. Dogs might bark or even growl. Cats might jump onto the bed and start walking around. We can avoid these disasters by remembering to shut the door and leave our four-legged friends outside.
6. Have A Sense Of Humor
s*x is about connection and intimacy, but also it’s about having fun. It can be mind-blowingly great or occasionally, things can go wrong. Having a good sense of humor about s*x will keep things in perspective. Being able to laugh at ourselves and at the comical aspects of s*x will take the pressure off the whole experience. We might love and adore our partner, but we don’t have to be so serious about making love to them. Humour relieves pressure and is a great way to connect.
7. Enjoy The Give And Take
The best s*x is the kind in which each person is trying to please the other one. The sharing in s*x is one of the things that make it great. It can be technically amazing, but when one person gets the impression that the other person really isn’t there with them, it can ruin the whole experience. What makes someone a fantastic lover is not their technical ability or their repertoire of moves but their attentiveness and their efforts to make their partner happy. When both people show that they really care about meeting their partner’s needs, s*x becomes something wonderful.