It’s a long running joke that the sex basically ends after you’ve been married awhile. It’s a notion that’s played up in just about every romantic comedy that hits the screen.
And you know what, it’s not too far from reality. Recently, I ran into a neighbor-pal on Valentine’s Day and she had gotten pink eye (thanks to her 4-year-old son).
I grimaced and said, “Sucks to have that on a day like today.” Her reply: “Are you kidding? This is the best get out of sex excuse I’ve ever had.” It made me laugh — and wonder what other out-of-the box excuses women use to get out of sex with their husbands and boyfriends.
Here is what they had to say.
- Didn’t we just have it last week?
- I can’t have sex when your mother is visiting. It kills the mood.
- I’ve said that I’m full and don’t feel sexy at all.
- My friend actually had some sort of condition that made her vagina hurt during sex. She and her bf went without it for a year. When she met another guy, her vagina miraculously started working again.
- Me: Ugh, I’m just so sore from that gym workout. Everything hurts. Him: I bet your mouth doesn’t hurt …
- The kids keep getting up and they’ll just disturb us.
- I haven’t showered.
- You haven’t showered.
- Get away from me.
- I just had my hair done.
- I’m on my period. Sometimes I use this one twice in a month.
- I just pick a fight before bedtime.
- Why don’t we just cuddle. That’s much more romantic.
- It’s not your birthday!
- You want sex and I want the dog walked. Do that with any regularity and then we can talk.
- Have you been drinking? I can smell the alcohol coming out of your pores and it is making me nauseated.
- I’m think I have bronchitis or strep or something. If I gave you a blow job, I might infect your penis.
- I bring up his mom. Kills his mood every time.
- I just watched the Walking Dead. I can’t have sex after that.
- And of course, the before mentioned pink eye defense!