How to put trust into your relationship

imagesTrust issues start with trusting yourself before you can trust someone else.

One day, someone screwed up, gave someone else reason to distrust, and from that seed blossomed “trust issues.” Around the globe, in bedrooms, boardrooms and even on playgrounds, we’ve become a society built on trust issues.

To trust someone, without having trust issues, is to trust ourselves enough to be ourselves. GASP! You mean I have to be totally transparent, say what’s on my mind, ask for what I desire, and that will eliminate trust issues in my relationship? Um, yeah! It all starts with you, baby, quickly followed by how you choose to respond to those little annoying possibilities that your partner throws at you — consciously or unconsciously — that leads you to believe they can or can’t be trusted. See, it’s all about you and your trust issues, in the same manner it’s all about your partner and their trust issues. That being said, how do you resolve trust issues when they arise?

#1. Trust Yourself

I know it’s already been said (and referenced) but this is truly the starting point of getting past trust issues. In the somewhat similar words of Ru Paul, “If you can’t trust yourself, how the hell ya ever going to be able to trust someone else!” Um hum! Preach sistah!

#2. Define What Trust Means

… for you and your partner. Hello, we ain’t mind readers, and if you claim to be then why are you having trust issues? If you can read minds then there’s no reason to have trust issues, because you already know what your partner is thinking. For the rest of us, ask and ye shall receive. Talk about trust and what would break or make trust issues arise in your relationship.

#3. Take a Look in the Mirror

I hate to say it, but often, trust issues arise because what you see in someone else as an issue of trust is directly reflecting something you yourself don’t want to see in yourself. It could be that you think your partner is cheating, and even if you’re not cheating, you may be considering it, or even emotionally cheating with someone. You may not even realize it’s causing wicked scripts of “cheater is as cheater does” to play out in the fabulous stage play that is your real life. Look at yourself and ask, “What’s really going on with my trust issues?” It may shock you, but it could stop you from being a crazy maker.

#4. Have an Open Relationship

GASP. Did I just advocate having an open relationship? YES! An “open, let’s communicate, be transparent and quit hiding that we each have trust issues, admit our stuff” relationship. No, this doesn’t mean you have to have different lovers, although if that makes the trust issues scamper away, more power to you. But what I’m really saying is that I’m honestly advocating being open and vulnerable so that trust issues become dead issues, rather than a dead relationship!

#5. Put Trust In

If you put trust in, you will back it back. One of the hardest parts about trust, and getting past trust issues, is to freely give trust. However, when it is seen as a gift that keeps on giving, then it’s easier to watch trust issues retreat. The moment you take trust, without giving back in return, you’ve abused the right to be trusted. And, who wants to be abused?

Regardless of the circumstances, and irrespective of your sexual orientation, trust issues are trust issues. Whether it starts with a little white lie, or explodes from the bombshell of infidelity, trust is trust! Personally, once that little tongue twister got resolved, I realized, because I trusted myself, it was easier to address trust issues head-on in all my relationships.

Now that I’ve resolved my issues, I’m the perfect partner, the perfect father, the perfect ex-husband, and the perfect life coach. Trust me, it’s true … NOT! However, what I did discover was it became easier to admit when I was having trust issues, talk through them, and be open to hearing when others didn’t trust me.

The lesson learned? Trust issues kill the beauty of trusting you can have a happy life.

Now get out there and start trusting!