Just because he left doesn’t mean it’s over. If he’s worth fighting for, then put on your gloves!
So, your boyfriend has broken up with you: we will go ahead and call him Floyd (even though his real name is probably Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy). Maybe he broke up with you for obvious reasons: he cheated or you cheated. Maybe he left because your relationship hadn’t been solid since a Republican was president. Or maybe he simply walked out the door, with little more than a nod or some ridiculous explanation.
Whatever reason he left, chances are you feel helpless: maybe you are at a loss for words or even paralyzed by indecisiveness. You aren’t sure what to do, but, guess what, you can do something.
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Now, at the risk of getting all “I AM WOMEN, HEAR ME ROAR” on you, it’s important to understand that being broken up with automatically gifts you a certain type of power. This is because the proverbial ball is in your court, so you can either shoot or turn the ball over.
Before you decide your course of action, ask yourself this: is Floyd worth fighting for? If he’s not, then move on; grab your rod and reel, and land one of those other fish in the sea that we’ve all heard so much about. If he is worth fighting for, then plan for reconciliation. In order to do this, first consider why your boyfriend left and what you can do about it.
For instance, Floyd might have fled becausee…
1. You Were Too Clingy: Sometimes women are unfairly labeled as clingy; other times, this definition hits the nail on the head. Only you can know if you were just the right amount of clingy, or like one of those dryer sheets that never comes off no matter how hard you yank. Did you keep him from going out with friends? Did you invade his space? Did you text him incessantly asking him where he was? If you answered yes, chances are you were a Cling-erella.
What You Can Do About It: In order to get him back, you have to prove that you’ve quieted some of the clingy-crazies. You can do this, mainly, by giving him space. Don’t try to force a reconciliation; rather, set it in motion and take it slow. Don’t bother him when he’s not with you, and don’t demand you spend every moment together. Giving him space can be the key to making him want to get back together.
2. You Didn’t Respect Him: Men don’t like to be disrespected: sometimes they can be like little kids who need their egos rubbed. Ergo, they aren’t attracted to women who lack respect. The tricky part is that you may have been disrespectful without even realizing it. Did you ask him to quit his favorite hobby (or hobbies)? Did you ask for his opinion and then always do things your way? Did you never include him on the plans you were making for the two of you? All of these things, one way or another, hint at a lack of respect.
What You Can Do About It: Channel your inner Aretha for just a moment and think about how important R-E-S-P-E-C-T is to you. Chances are, quite a lot. This allows you to see where he is coming from. Next, make an effort to show him respect: ask him about his opinion (and actually do what he suggests), show interest in the things he’s interested in, and ask for his help. If every single Disney movie has taught us anything, it’s that men just can’t resist a Damsel in Distress. Showing a man that you respect him, his interests, and what he brings to a relationship are all things that actually make him WANT to be in a relationship. If you respect him, he respects the commitment that he’s making; often, it’s as simple as that.
3. He was Bored: Another reason Floyd might have left is one of the most simple: he was bored. Men, like women, have an innate need for excitement: it gets us going, it keeps us young and it takes away from the monotony of everyday life. There’s a chance your ex may have grown bored if you also felt a little uninterested. Did you guys do the same things day after day? Did you seem to run out of things to talk about? Was the excitement of your week the will they/won’t they chemistry exhibited on the TV show Castle? If so, you’ve got a problem.
What You Can Do About It: The bad news is that beating boredom takes work: doing nothing will lead to more boredom. The good news is that boredom is beatable, very beatable. Some of the ways to beat the boredom is to take a trip somewhere romantic, take on a hobby the two of you can do together or take on a new activity (such as hiking, rock climbing, bike riding, or snowshoeing). A new activity or two won’t solve all your problems, but it will help break the cycle of the “same thing over and over again.” After that cycle is severed, things have a way of falling neatly into place. And then, who knows, maybe Floyd will turn into less of a fleerand more into a forever.