So… you’ve been cheated on. Here’s what you absolutely DO NOT want to hear after you’ve found out your guy’s been messing around.
1. “Everything happens for a reason.” Yes, blame this on fate. Except no – cheaters just suck.
2. “It happens to all of us.” No, it doesn’t happen to all of us. It happened to me and I’m the one dealing with the aftermath.
3. “You’re too good for him.” Sure, you’re with Jennifer Aniston on this one, and yes, you now know you’re too good for him, but you didn’t know that when we were five months in and talking about meeting each other parents while he was simultaneously dating everything that moved. Cut a girl some slack.
4. “I knew that guy was shady from the start.” OK, so he wasn’t totally transparent all of the time and his mystery got the best of you, but no one really needs this rubbed in their face when you had the same gut instinct all along.
5. “I never liked him for you.” Well if you thought he wasn’t good for me (aka he might cheat), then why didn’t you tell me what sooner?
6. “You know what you need to do? You need to stop thinking about him and take some time to focus on you – get a hobby, maybe.” No, I’m already busy enough with the life I lead – the last thing I need is a hobby. However, I could take this advice and get a massage.
7. “You should really get tested.” This statement, while it’s true, could be compared to pouring salt into your cheating wound.
8. “Just do you.” You’re always just doing do because you’re always doing things for yourself. Therefore, this suggestion is not helpful in the least.
9. “You need to stop going for the same kind of guy and be more open with your options.” So going for the ponytail-wearing type hasn’t boded well for you in the past, because women constantly throw themselves at him, but you can’t help that you like a man with amazing hair and a strong jaw. Fine, maybe go for a man with a strong jaw and a buzz cut next time.
10. “You’re too picky.” No I’m not, I just know exactly what I want and I’m not about to lower my standards.
11. “You just need take some time and heal before you start dating again.” Sure, you have a broken heart, but by no means do you need to stop dating and “heal” – take a day or two for you and then go out and get back on there, girl!
12. “I told you he was bad news.” What does bad news even mean? He was mysterious, which in turn made you interested, but he wasn’t doing drugs and robbing banks.
13. “The best way to get over a guy is the get with another! !!!!” This is also the best way to make yourself feel even worse in the end.