Special Prayers For My Protruded Belly

‘What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead’—James 2:14-17

I nearly left you incommunicado this week, Abusuapanin. This is because I was so engrossed in prayer for my protruded stomach that I almost forgot to make time to communicate with you. Yes, you heard right! I prayed to the Bearded Old Man above to intercede by sending the Archangel Gabriel to come down and spiritually massage my stomach, in order that the subcutaneous fatty oil would be flushed out of my system to give me a very flat tummy.

Did I hear you say tweaaa? You too, tweaaa! I’m a staunch Muslim who believes in the power of prayer. I have read in many holy books how the Bearded Old Man performed miracles out of nothing. One that clearly comes to mind is the ‘manna’ He provided Moses and his people on their way to the promise land.

Can’t I therefore eat late, refuse to exercise and still expect a miracle for my protruded stomach? After all, did the Good Book not say faith could move mountains? That was my belief until a friend awakened my sense of reasoning. I erroneously believed that the Bearded Old Man could easily flatten my stomach by spiritually melting the subcutaneous fat, even without a proper diet regime and regular exercise. You can call it gullibility or foolhardiness, and you would not be far from right.

However, I now know better. I now know I have to make conscious efforts to reduce my inflated tummy, and not rely on any supernatural powers from Mawu or any force, for that matter. By conscious efforts I mean I have to stop doing things that continue to pile up fat under my belly, and then start doing things that would help reduce the fat. Faith or no faith, no amount of prayers can help me in this matter. Simplicita!

Believe it or not, many of our compatriots can be found swimming in the pool of gullibility. Or is it the pool of foolhardiness? It is fine if small fishes like Yours truly are seen swimming in such a pool; but certainly, not a big fish like the Archbishop who went praying for the Cedi.

Listen to him: “… I hold up the Cedi with prayer and I command the Cedi to recover and I declare the Cedi will not fall. It will not fall any further. I command the Cedi to climb. I command the resurrection of the Cedi. I command and release a miracle for the economy.”

Unfortunately, the Cedi stubbornly refused to heed the command given by the Archbishop. Exactly four days after the command, and exactly a day after the Central Bank introduced radical exchange controls, it defiantly fell by a record 1.2% to 2.49 per Dollar by 5:00p.m. on Thursday. As for the Cedi rate at the Forex Bureau, it is sprinting like Usain Bolt.

So I ask; why has the Cedi refused to obey the Archbishop’s command? And why has Satan also refused to loosen his grip on the economy? Or is it the case that Satan is more powerful than he that is in the Archbishop?

Satan will continue to hold the economy if you appoint ministers and deputy ministers who contribute next to nothing to the economy. The Cedi will fall if you pay politicians wages which are not commensurate with their work. You say the economy is strong; so you give them expensive cars fuelled and driven at tax payers’ expense when all they produce is propaganda. Certainly, the Cedi will expose you.

The Cedi will fall if over 6 billion cowries are spent on frivolities to influence the gullible masses to vote for a corrupt and highly incompetent man to become president of this country. The Cedi will fall when you create avenues in the Budget through ‘capacity building’ for people to siphon millions of cowries from the state. They will then use the stolen cowries to buy the Dollar, thereby making the Cedi to fall.

The Cedi’s refusal to obey the Archbishop’s command, and the subsequent refusal of Satan to loosen his grip on the economy, has spoken clearly for all to hear. If you are praying for the Bearded Old Man to meet your financial needs, that is fine; but then act as well. The Bearded Old Man can provide for us in many ways, but His most common form of provision is through our hard work. So if you have financial needs, pray, then put your faith into action and do all you can to see that your financial needs are met.

You see, most of the time we treat our prayer life like we are rubbing a magical lamp and asking the genie inside for our wishes to be granted. Most of us often fall into the trap of treating the Bearded Old Man like some kind of cosmic concierge who is at our beck and call to fulfil our every whim and desire. The truth, however, is that prayer requires action on our part. The Bearded Old Man only listens to the prayers backed by action, not prayers backed by reckless spending.

I’m sure the Archbishop would revise his notes after reading this piece. But if he still stands by his Cedi prayer, then I invite him to say a special prayer for my protruded belly. What a miracle that would be!

See you next week for another interesting konkonsa, Deo volente!

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