8 ways to tell if you’re sabotaging your relationship

8 ways to tell if you're sabotaging your relationship

Things were going so well and then….you freaked out and just broke up with him? You may be self-sabotaging without even realizing it. Dating expert and Modern Dating: A Field Guide author Chiara Atik to the rescue, with eight ways to save yourself from relationship ruin.

“This happens when women can’t stop comparing their real-life relationship to the Perfect Boyfriend they have in their head,” Chiara says. “No real man is likely to compare to the perfect specimen of your fantasies and continuing to compare the real thing to an exacting wish list is only going to keep you from appreciating the love you have.”

Testing His Breaking Point
Mr. Nice Guy may not be so nice once you insult his mother, get drunk around his colleagues, consistently value your time over his, or whatever else you do to see if that is, in fact, his breaking point. That’s the thing about tests: Sometimes you fail them.

Talking Too Much S***About Him
“All girls vent about their relationship sometimes, but a girl who consciously bad-mouths her boyfriend to her friends and then asks their opinion of him is practically begging the to tell her to break-up with him,” explains Atik. Save the chatter for the stuff that matters.

Crushing on Other Guys
It’s the point in the relationship when you start to think: Has my co-worker always had such a cute butt? “This is a big one,” says Atik. “You tell yourself you’re bored and second-guess your feelings for your partner. Is it really boredom you’re reacting to, or fear of missing out?”

Comparing Yourself to His Ex-Girlfriends
Try to harness your inner Nancy Drew —no matter how cute you look with a magnifying glass. “There’s no reason to investigate too deeply into your boyfriend’s past,” says Atik. “Doing so will only set you off into a downward spiral of resentment and insecurity — and for what? He’s with you now, isn’t he?” Good point.

Unprovoked Jealousy
This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s a tough one for many women to swallow, especially if they’ve had cheating or trust issues in the past. His best gal pal from childhood is probably not going to become anything more all of a sudden, nor is his friend’s girlfriend or the barista at Starbucks. You need to show him that you trust him, so he can do the same.

Asking For Too Much Too Soon
He doesn’t want to meet your parents after dating for a month? Don’t make him. “You want to be in a serious, committed relationship but the best way to do that is to take things slowly at the beginning and build a strong foundation for a partnership,” explains Atik. “Don’t rush into the good stuff, especially if you pick up on any signals that he’s not ready or doing something only to appease you. It will just cause bigger, more dire problems down the line — once you’re already significantly more invested.”