For a guy, impotence is pretty damn scary—so much so that a recent study found that most men diagnosed with erectile dysfunction won’t even get treatment.
Basically, they just want to pretend that there is nothing wrong.
Here are some tips on what to do if when your man’s member suddenly isn’t quite rising to the occasion.
Understand It’s Not You
The most difficult thing for women is that we often think we’re the reason for a guy’s flaccidity—that we’ve done something wrong or there’s something wrong with us (or worse, our vaginas). But depersonalizing the issue is key to really being able to help your man through this, so don’t make the sitch all about you.
Realize He’s Freaked Out
In the face of impotence, men are seriously disturbed—they typically won’t want to have sex and they definitely won’t want to talk about it with you (especially if it’s never happened before). Since guys generally feel horrible about only rising half-mast (or not at all), don’t try to make light of the situation with jokes—he’ll just feel worse.
Figure Out the Cause
There are a ton of potential reasons why your guy might be impotent: The issue could be emotional (stress at work), physical (not getting enough exercise), or medicinal (maybe he’s on meds for an injury that affect his ability to get it up). Even drinking or eating from BPA-ridden plastic containers can cause issues—so once you know what’s making his Johnson hang low, you’ll be one step closer to helping it rise back up again.
Try At-Home Remedies
You should always consult a doc before self-diagnosing or taking any kind of meds (even over-the-counter or “natural” ones). However, there is a supplement you can find in health food stores called arginine, which is known to work similarly to Viagra. Arginine is a chemical precursor to nitrous oxide and helps open blood vessels. Walnuts and pecans also contain arginine, so it could just be a matter of him trying this remedy—or noshing on some nuts—to see if that fixes things.
Encourage Him to See a Doctor
As men get older, things like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and erections that don’t last long become more and more common. But, no matter your dude’s age, you want to get him to an MD to figure out what’s going on with his wang if the issue isn’t solved by changing his diet, exercise habits, or decreasing his stress levels.
Talk About It
Your man won’t want to talk about his non-functioning penis with you—but he’s gotta. When couples don’t talk about impotence, that’s when you get into trouble: You start making assumptions, he feels worse, and you both just end up trying to awkwardly avoid the major elephant in the room. Find a neutral time (i.e. not when you’re trying to have sex) to coax him into talking to you about what’s going on so you both understand what’s happening and how it affects your relationship.
Keep Showing Him Love
Even if you’re not having sex (most guys won’t want to after they’ve experienced a moment—or several moments—of not being able to get it up), make sure you’re showing your man affection. Encourage non-sexual behavior like hand-holding, shoulder rubs, and kisses so you can send the message that you’re still totally into him, which will help bring back his sex drive and his confidence.