While pregnant with 11-month-old daughter Pearl Clementine, Lisa Osbourne (who is married to Jack Osbourne), found out pretty early on that not everything about having a baby is wonderful.
From weird pains and healthy foods to feed your baby to her “dream” hospital bag and newborn must-haves, she decided to create a blog to share her thoughts and experiences with other expectant women. Hence, Raddest Mom was born.
Now the new mom, 26, is spilling the beans on some not-so-comfortable topics (constipation, anyone?) to our readers. Check out her humorous take below.
1. You gag on everything in your first trimester. Well, at least I did. This includes but is not limited to: your toothbrush, the thought of whatever food is disgusting you that day, the smell of your husband’s cologne, etc. We all know about the nausea, but dry-heaving usually comes with it — and it’s even less cute.
2. You have weird dreams. During the beginning of pregnancy, it’s really common to have vivid, eerie dreams. One minute there’s a giant Brussels sprout dancing around in a miniskirt and the next minute, you’re kayaking naked with Leonardo DiCaprio. It can be cool, so just go with it.
3. You drool more. Yes, it is true that pregnant women produce more saliva. Like, a lot more … as in three to four quarts a day. Don’t be surprised if you wake up with wet spots on your pillow. Tell your partner there’s a leak in the ceiling to divert the attention away from your juicy mouth.
4. You get really veiny. Have you looked at your chest lately? You can probably see a thick, blue-veined network under your skin (if you’re light-skinned). Don’t worry, you’re not turning into an avatar. This is normal. Your blood flow is increased and your body is pumping the nutrients to your baby through these freaky-looking things.
5. Your boobs hurt. Lots of women say their breasts hurt really bad at the very beginning of pregnancy. I know mine did. At the time, mine were so sensitive that a strong gust of wind was painful.
6. You get heartburn a lot. I was one of those lucky women that started getting heartburn when I was five minutes pregnant. At the end of my pregnancy, I was sleeping fully propped up on pillows to try to avoid it. So, um, good luck with that. I feel for you.
7. You get constipated. Okay, this is a bit awkward, but everyone knows that in order to maintain mental sanity, one must be able to poop. Pregnancy constipation can be more painful than actual childbirth (so I’ve heard). Pump yourself full of water and fiber — daily — to avoid it. You don’t want to fall victim to this evil force.
8. You get shooting “zinger” pains in your cervix. Somewhere around four or five months, you’ll feel these electric zaps shooting up into your vagina. The first time it happened to me, I fell to my knees and called my neighbor who was a nurse. The pain subsided in about two minutes. Apparently, this is normal. Prolonged pain, however, can be dangerous. Distinguish between the two!
9. You pee a little when you laugh. Sometimes, a sneeze or a giggle can make the pee trickle. See what I did there? Anyway, the weight of the baby on your bladder can cause a little incontinence. Sexy, right?
10. You’re excessively sleepy. I like to call this phenomenon “Pregnancy Narcolepsy.” In my first trimester, I would wake up in random places around the house or out on the patio in a lawn chair. It can feel a lot like you’re trying to stay awake on a sleeping pill — except not in a fun, Ambien kind of way.