Feature Article of Thursday, 4 April 2013
Columnist: Agyemang, Katakyie Kwame Opoku
April Fools’ Day is celebrated in many countries on April 1 every year. Sometimes referred to as All Fools’ Day, April 1 is not a national holiday, but is widely recognised and celebrated as a day when people play practical jokes and hoaxes on each other. Coincidentally, this year’s April Fools’ Day fell on Easter Monday and most Ghanaians who are conscious of the significance of the day maximised its usefulness. In the media, peacefm carried a headline; “Wife No. 2 for Prez Mahama”.
One of such prominent Ghanaians who took advantage of the “April Fool” was the 2012 Presidential Candidate of the NPP and “President -in-waiting”, Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo. On Monday April 1, 2013, Nana Akufo-Addo “called” Mahama early in the morning and this is what actually ensued between the two political rivals.
Nana: Your Excellency, Good morning and Happy Easter. I’ve been a bit busy, I just realised I haven’t called you during the festivities. How are you doing?
Mahama: I’m doing quite good physically but emotionally and psychologically, all is not well. But this is a surprise call, Nana?
Nana: How, Your Excellency, dont I use to call you? Have you forgotten that we’ve been calling each other since our days in Parliament?
Mahama: That is not what I mean, I can’t believe you addressed me with “Your Excellency”. You stopped even before I was sworn in. Why now or have you forgotten that you’re challenging my credibility as a president at the Supreme Court?
Nana: It’s true but I did that because of what I’m yet to say.
Mahama: And what’s it that you’ve to say? Please, don’t try to worsen my problem oo! I’ve already had enough!
Nana: Don’t worry, Sir. I’m neither going to talk about the GHC15m “Akomf3m project” nor the “dumso, dumso”. I know you’ve been having sleepless nights in view of your inability to pay teachers and doctors. But what happened to the oil revenue, the loans, taxes, and other revenue from our export commodities, Mr. Prez? Anyway, I didn’t call to talk about the afore-mentioned. My call today is about the court case.
Mahama: Court case this morning? How? Do you know the extent to which this particular case had caused me? Wherever I go, people call me “thief”, “stealer” and sometimes “criminal”. Ghanaians and even several foreign nationals don’t recognise me as the president of this country. My integrity and dignity had been brought low even in the eyes of a Class one pupil in Ghana. Why?
Nana: Take it cool, Your Excellency. The hullaballoo about the last elections should tell every politician that it does not pay to steal. So it’s good for all of us.
Mahama: Are you trying to accuse me of thievery on the phone? And what would you say to Dr. Afari Gyan?
Nana: Please, let’s leave this matter as it is. In fact, I’ve had several consultations and deep reflections, and I think it should remain known to me alone to withdraw what is between us at the Supreme Court. In the light of this, I called to congratulate you before I head to the Supreme Court to withdraw the case tomorrow.
Mahama: Hahahahahahahahah! Excellent! A good one there!
Nana: Why are you laughing?
Mahama: I was expecting this all along and especially Easter. Thank you, old boy; thank you! I even asked a prominent King to intercede on my behalf. I had wanted to pay all the cost of your 2012 campaign should you withdraw the case. What a good news! You see, it has been my ambition to become the president of Ghana one day. Though, I never expected it would come too soon. But I can’t tell whether my advisors had done more harm than good to me or vice versa in view of what is happening.
Nana: I hope you’re not apportioning blame on your advisors.
Mahama: Not really, but they made sure my book entitled; “My First Coup D’état” was publicised; they also made sure I had a resting place at Asomdwee Park for John Atta Mills, an action which still haunts me. I was also advised to influence every money-conscious person in Ghana with money, if indeed I wanted to ascend to the throne. This was to give meaning to the Akan adage; “Abaa daho a, wo mma okraman nka wo” to wit; only a fool is thirsty in the abundance of water.
Nana: Hmmm! These are revelations to me really. So how were you prepared to take the Court’s ruling?
Mahama: You know what? All along I have been thinking of how I would survive should the Supreme Court’s verdict goes against me.
Nana: So did you entertain the fear that you would definitely lose this court case?
Mahama: Of course! There is no way a wrong could be right. When your cup is full, there is nothing one can do. Don’t you see how confused I am? Everything I touch becomes a curse. Why do you think I’ve called for 8,579 witnesses?
Nana: Then I think you have been saved by the bell.
Mahama: That’s why I can’t express my excitement today. From today, I’m going to work hand-in-hand with you and your party to move Ghana forward. This year, I’ll institute a special National Award in your name. God bless you, Nana!
Nana: Your Excellency, today is 1st April oo!
Mahama: Your mother wai! Why do you “fool” me this way? Ah! This man paa!
Mahama then hangs up the phone on Nana Addo!
Folks, if you’ve enjoyed this conversation, please give credit to
Katakyie Kwame Opoku Agyemang, Enfield, London. (Free SHS Ambassador) Official blog: (www.katakyie.com) [email protected] 07577626433 A native of Asante Bekwai-Asakyiri