I used a “donette”. In case you’re not familiar with doughnut varieties, this is a miniature doughnut, about one-quarter the size of regular ones, and is usually sold in grocery stores or 24-hour stores and comes in a pack of five or so. In other words, this is not the doughnut that Cosmo had in mind. But I was determined to do this challenge first (basically I was just really craving a doughnut and I figured the calories didn’t count if it was for “work”) and those were the only kind I could find.<\/p>\n
While D. and I got ready for bed, I informed him very matter-of-factly, “I’m going to slip a doughnut around your penis and eat it off.” Since he’s seen the list of 31 challenges, he had been prepared. He was not prepared for the donettes, though.<\/p>\n
“Uh, that’s not going to fit around me,” he said.<\/p>\n
“We’ll make it work,” I responded.<\/p>\n
I pushed him down onto the bed, grabbed a donette from the package (which I had slyly hid on my night table), pulled down his boxers, and…placed the donette on the tip of his hard penis. (Who knew you just have to mention oral sex and doughnuts to get a guy revved up in no time?) I don’t know how to describe it besides that it looked like a little hat. And really, nothing’s sexier than a peen with a beret on, right?<\/p>\n
I broke the donette in half and holding it around the base of the penis. I alternated licking the dessert and D. Then I took a bite of the doughnut and D.’s whole body went tense. Had the doughnut been bigger, I think he would have felt more comfortable, but he didn’t seem to enjoy seeing my teeth so close to his member.<\/p>\n
I ended up removing a piece of the doughnut and eating it then going back to oral. Which felt a little weird. More like a snack break than a sexy way of incorporating food into foreplay. On the other hand, I’ve never given a tastier BJ. And D. freaking loved it. He said it made the whole experience just feel different and like he didn’t know what to expect next. If you have an oral formula and don’t mix up your style much, I definitely recommend this. Even if the main oral event is the same as usual, using food during the foreplay part of it forces you to go at a different pace and use different techniques.<\/p>\n
After we finished and we were just chilling in bed, D. reached for a donette and said, “Mmm junk food.” (At least he didn’t sing, “It’s my dick in a doughnut” to the tune of “Dick in a Box”…oh wait, he did that too.)<\/p>\n
2. Challenge: Squirt some lotion on his chest and stomach, then rub it in using nothing by your bare breasts. Don’t stop till all the lotion is absorbed.<\/p>\n
If my boobs had a resume, the “Special Skills” section at the bottom would now read:<\/p>\n
-Proficient in getting free drinks<\/p>\n
-Accomplished in titty-effing<\/p>\n
-Ability to one day produce milk<\/p>\n
-Adept at making dresses and tops look sexier<\/p>\n
-Trained in massage therapy<\/p>\n
OK, “trained in massage therapy” might be a bit of a stretch (hey, who doesn’t exaggerate on their resume?), but my tatas have talent!<\/p>\n
I was going to go with another challenge today, but after D. and I showered post-gym, he complained that his skin was really dry and reached for the lotion. “No! Don’t!” I yelped, startling him. “I mean, I’ll do it! For you! With my boobs!”<\/p>\n
(Sometimes I think D. and I should keep a notebook filled with all of our weird out-of-context quotes. Or who knows, maybe D.’s roommate already does. It could be a blog:<\/p>\n
I reminded D. that using my breasts to apply lotion to him was on our Cosmo to-do list and obviously, he was thrilled. He lay down on the bed naked and I brought the bottle of lotion over. Instead of squirting it on his body, I put it directly on my breasts (bonus: it was chilly and made my nips perky) then straddled him and leaned down.<\/p>\n
Aaaand he squealed. And not out of delight. Because it was cold.<\/p>\n
“Oh come on,” I said, not at all sympathetically. “You’re getting a fun-bags massage so you’re not allowed to complain.”<\/p>\n
After a few more seconds, the lotion felt significantly warmer and D. went from tensing all of his muscles to relaxing. I felt slightly strange moving my breasts in circles over his torso and chest, but maintaining eye contact kept it feeling sexy, not silly. I also found it helpful to get on my hands and knees and arch my back to make my torso touch his. Much hotter then laying flat on him and just rubbing around, which I may or may not have done at first until D. laughed at me and said, “That’s not how it’s done.” Which begs the question: How many times has he had this done to him?<\/p>\n
D. ended up flipping me over so he was on top. And the massage\/lotion application quickly turned into a happy ending. For moi. And that’s when I realized the best part about using my breasts to apply lotion to D. It meant that there wasn’t any lotion on my hands or his. And if you’ve ever been manually stimulated by a guy who has anything on his hands (lotion, cologne, hot sauce, whatever), then you know this is a major bonus. (I’ve definitely gotten irritated vadge from a guy who had hand lotion on. And I have a friend who got what she called “Bear Claw Vagina” after some guy went to town on her nether regions without properly washing the aftershave off of his hands.)<\/p>\n
So now, I’m satisfied, well-moisturized, and not suffering from Bear Claw. All in all, I’d say it was a successful challenge.<\/p>\n
3. Challenge: While he’s showering, ambush him without saying a word, get on your knees, and take him in your mouth.<\/p>\n
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think D. was in cahoots with the editors over at Cosmo who are coming up with these challenges. Because if D. were to list his favorite sexual acts, a shower beej would probably make the top 10.<\/p>\n
We hook up in the shower fairly regularly so I decided to put a little twist on the challenge to make it more interesting for us. Instead of getting in the shower with D., I simply pulled back the curtain, knelt outside the tub, and went to work. (OK, this may or may not also have to do with the fact that I had just gotten a blowout and didn’t want to get my hair wet.)<\/p>\n
D. had gone to the gym earlier so I gave him ample time to, you know, wash his business before I ambushed. (I don’t know about you, but I made the mistake of doing oral on an ex post-workout and it was not a pleasant experience.) I stealthily sneaked into the bathroom and pulled the curtain aside, flashing him a smile.<\/p>\n
I reached for his junk then put my mouth on it. Then something surprising happened. He let out these really loud moans. I’m talking, Is something wrong? Should I stop? type of moans. He’s not usually incredibly loud when we hook up, and definitely not right at the beginning. (D.’s more of a quiet moaner throughout and a “Ohhhh S.” guy during climax.) I was taken aback, but I kept going because\u2014get this\u2014his toes were curled. And I heard from a friend once that guys curl their toes when they’re either super aroused or about to climax.<\/p>\n
And my instincts were right! He was loving it.<\/p>\n
And I have to say, I was loving it too. One thing I like about giving oral in the shower is that the water helps keep things slick. So I can get one hand involved without any risk of chafing. (Aside: if you’re going to give an HJ in the shower, I highly recommend using conditioner as lube.)<\/p>\n
I did the one-hand-and-mouth technique for a little while then resurrected an old tip I once read in Cosmo about treating the guy’s penis like an ice cream cone. Yeah, yeah, it sounds a little weird and cheesy, but it gets a great reaction. Hold onto his equipment with one hand and swirl your tongue around the tip. I alternated doing this and putting it in my mouth, and judging by D.’s continued moans and groans, it was a hit.<\/p>\n
He finished and his legs were so shaky that he had to lean against the wall. (Or maybe that had something to do with him working out earlier, but I’m gonna take the credit!) I asked him later if it was perhaps a particularly good BJ. I didn’t want to embarrass him by alluding to the abnormally loud moans, but he knew what I was saying. He told me it was just such a great surprise.<\/p>\n
Sure, anticipation is great. But in the words of D., so is “getting into the shower thinking the most exciting thing you do in there will be exfoliating your face, only to find out you’re gettin’ head”. Wise words, D., wise words.<\/p>\n
5. Challenge: Have him enter you while you’re sitting on a table or counter and he’s standing up in front of you.<\/p>\n
After a girls-only night out that involved almost as many bottles of wine as people, I showed up at D.’s place on a mission. To eat a frozen pizza. (Thought I was going to mention the challenge, didn’t you?) After accomplishing that mission, I moved on to the challenge (determined by me earlier in the day, unbeknownst to D.) I showered then called D. Into the bathroom and planted a kiss on his lips. After first basin’ it for a while, I hopped up onto the ledge of the sink and pulled him between my legs and reached for his crotchal region.<\/p>\n
I undid his pants then hopped off the ledge and got on my knees. Man, that bathroom is seeing a lot of oral action recently!<\/p>\n
I took him in my mouth and when he was hard, resumed my perch atop the sink. D. reached between my legs and proceeded to majorly tease me. Finally I just grabbed his butt and pulled his whole body toward me.<\/p>\n
“I want you inside me.” (Note: this is a great line if you’re hesitant about sounding raunchy when you dirty-talk. Hot, but not nasty.)<\/p>\n
D. obliged, but the thrusting was slightly awk. I ended up placing my hand next to my butt to brace against his pumping. Otherwise I would have fallen back into the sink.<\/p>\n
The angle was awesome, though. All the benefits of standing up sex without the balance\/muscle fatigue\/oh-god-am-I-too-heavy-for-him concerns. If this were Amazon, this would read; if you like sex up against the wall we think you’ll love sex on a sink!<\/p>\n
I also found that if I let my legs dangle a little, as opposed to wrapping them around D.’s waist, I got some nice C-stimulation.<\/p>\n
But alas, not enough to climax. Maybe it was because I’d been drinking, but I just felt like I was gonna need a serious time commitment in order to get there. And\u2014I’m a little embarrassed to admit\u2014I wasn’t willing to put in the time.<\/p>\n
On the upside, I found a new sex spot around the apartment. And one that’s super easy to, ahem, clean up afterward!<\/p>\n
5. Challenge: Announce to each other throughout the day\u2014by text, on the phone, or in person\u2014every time you feel horny.<\/p>\n
Had I known that was going to be the challenge for the day, I might not have been so baffled when I received the following email from D. But since we hadn’t discussed a challenge.<\/p>\n
I made a reservation at name of restaurant for 8:30. And also, I’m kinda horny right now. I thought you should know.<\/p>\n
I probably spent a good 20 seconds just staring at what he had written. Why is he telling me? I thought. Is he, like, going to jerk off right now and wanted to let me know? Did he have a Freudian slip and type “horny” when he meant to say “hungry”? I could not figure out what the hell his email meant.<\/p>\n
Then a lightbulb went off. The list of challenges! Horny announcements! He had initiated a challenge!<\/p>\n
I called him and barely managed to get out a “Me too” before having a laughing fit.<\/p>\n
D. explained that he had found the list on his bookshelf that morning and chosen this challenge.<\/p>\n
For the rest of the day, we exchanged emails and texts, written as if they were breaking news updates. “Just in: S. is turned on.” “Horny,” texted D. followed by another one not 30 seconds later. “Update: still horny.”<\/p>\n
As you can tell, we were treating it more like a joke than actual sexy foreplay.<\/p>\n
When we got to dinner later, though, I could note the benefits of having done the back-and-forth. Simply, we both knew we were having sex that night. Not that it was such a rare occurrence for the two of us to have sexy time on a Friday night after a dinner out, but something about knowing we would definitely do it was hot. I almost felt like I was on a second or third date with a new guy and we both knew we’d end up hooking up that night. So it becomes all you can think about.<\/p>\n
Well, it also was all we could think about because we continued to the texting through dinner.<\/p>\n
I went to the bathroom after ordering and texted, “Wanna have sex with you right now.<\/p>\n
When I got back to the table, D. had a huge grin on his face. And upon checking my phone a few minutes later, I saw a response: “I’m with you. Maybe we should wait till after dinner?”<\/p>\n
Well, after dinner we walked back to my apartment and made out the whole way back. I’m not a huge PDA person and neither is D., but what can I say? The sexting (if you can even call it that) had us feeling all in lurv. Well, I think it had D. horny, but something about how funny D. is and how on the same wavelength we are gave me the warm and fuzzies.<\/p>\n
And what do you get when you combine horniness and warm and fuzziness? Very good sex. It was missionary and very intimate. Fairly quick. Vanilla, but delicious. And if we’d continued the texting, the exchange might have looked something like this:<\/p>\n
S.: Update: No longer horny. Just satisfied.<\/p>\n
D.: This just in: Me too.<\/p>\n
6. Challenge: Have a 15 minute orgasm, following the instructions here.<\/p>\n
Editor’s note: Today’s challenge was “crashed” into the blog. In other words, it wasn’t on the original list of to-dos we sent S. But when we learned about the 15-minute-orgasm, we just had to ask her to try it out. If you want to try it (and uh, why wouldn’t you?), send this to your man.<\/p>\n
I wish I could say that my first thought when I was asked to do this challenge was: Bring it on. Or, Can’t wait! But if I’m being totally truthful, my first thought was: Bullshit.<\/p>\n
Then I read some of the comments on the article Cosmo ran and realized that maybe this was a real (read: possible) thing. And while I was doubtful that I’d be able to get my O on for a quarter of an hour, I knew I had to try.<\/p>\n
And ready for this? It effing worked. Not 15 minutes, but waaaay longer than usual. And probably longer than ever before. But I honestly have no clue how long it went on for because I was, like, in some weird pleasure haze. Ew, pleasure haze sounds like some bad 70s porno. You know what I mean, though.<\/p>\n
You can check out all the instructions here, but basically D. just found my sweet spot. Just to the left of my clitoris and he used a really light touch. He did circular motions really softly then pulled away slightly so he was barely touching me. Then he would go back to caressing the whole clitoris. Then back to the sweet spot. And\u2014like the good receiver that I am\u2014I made sure to let him know exactly when he hit it. By moaning. Loudly. And repeatedly. Using his name. It’s all about the positive reinforcement, ladies. Like when your dog learns to sit. Or, you know, when your boyfriend finds a special spot on your hoo-ha.<\/p>\n
The climax was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It just freaking lasted. It wasn’t a really strong orgasm at first. Normally, I climax sort of fast and hard then the moment passes. Which is nice and good for busy days. But this was really different. It started off barely noticeable then slowly built from there. And I almost didn’t realize it was happening at first.<\/p>\n
But here’s the crazy thing (and also the reason I am so madly, crazily in lust with my boyfriend): I never told D. about the new challenge. I’m not kidding you. In fact, I was sort of putting it off, thinking we’d do it next weekend…or later. I just wasn’t ready to “fail” so early in the blog.<\/p>\n
And when he started to manually stimulate me, I did not expect it to turn into a long O or be anything different than the usual. But it went on. And on. And on. I could not believe it.<\/p>\n
I think I know what happened. I have a feeling D. has been going on cosmopolitan.com. (Now that he’s allowed to read the blog\u2014unlike with 77 Positions\u2014he’s been checking out the site more.) And I bet he saw the article Cosmo put up and learned the moves. I’ll find out and let you all know!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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