![\"Andre](\"http:\/\/u.goal.com\/132000\/132061_news.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/div>\nAndre Villas-Boas – FC Porto (Getty Images)<\/p>\n
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By Nick Price<\/a><\/p>\n The Soporific One has arrived at Stamford Bridge<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Just after winning a European trophy, the talented Portuguese boss was snapped up by the power-crazed Russian billionaire in London and presented to the press amid much fanfare.<\/p>\n Leaning back to lap up all the love, the young manager, coveted by all the best clubs on the continent but snared to Stamford Bridge with a bucketload of cash and the opportunity to build a legacy, instantly endeared himself to the English public as he laid his balls on the chopping board by saying: “I think I’m a special one.”<\/p>\n That wasn’t Andre Villas-Boas, of course, but Jose Mourinho in 2004. That chirpy chap was good for a quote on an almost daily basis.<\/p>\n Whether it was banging on about bottles of wine, heinously making up stories about opposing managers having clandestine meetings with referees at half-time in a Champions League game (thus forcing Anders Frisk to quit officiating), chatting nonsense about his dog, or just shooting the breeze about making omelettes, the now Real Madrid coach was always interesting with his off-beat quips mixed in with the odd indignant, and often totally unwarranted, rant.<\/p>\n The new man at the Bridge seems anything but exciting. Brilliant manager he may be, but if his unveiling to the British media is anything to go by, he’s a bloody boring bloke.<\/p>\n Asked whether he was just like his former mentor, Villas-Boas replied: “I didn’t take the Porto job nor the Chelsea job because Jose made the same steps.<\/p>\n “Chelsea appointed me basically for human qualities and that is what I want to bring into this club again.<\/p>\n “I don’t see the game as a one-man show, I see the game as the getting together of collective ideas and good players.”<\/p>\n Yawn.<\/p>\n After spending so much time with Mourinho at close quarters, WWLTW<\/em> was expecting Villas-Boas to be just like the great not-so-great man and thought he would storm into his maiden press conference, kick away the microphones, throw down his medals of the season just gone by before sticking his fingers up into the cameras and screaming: “Have some of that! I’m the daddy now!”<\/p>\n But no. It appears that he’s just a perfectly nice, likeable, thoroughly boring man. Boo hoo.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Look into my eyes |<\/strong> But Villas-Boas doesn’t need to hypnotise you to put you to sleep<\/p>\n England’s future is a bit bleak…<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n The young Three Lions were, as only half-truthfully believed by this column last week, sent packing from the European Under-21 Championships with their tails well and truly between their legs after losing to the Czech Republic.<\/p>\n For a team that was touted as the favourites alongside Spain, and who had romped their way through qualifying, they were made to look absolutely rubbish against the mini-World Cup winners, then were totally lost against a poor Ukraine side before conceding two late goals to the Czechs that saw them fall out with a whimper.<\/p>\n Of course, three bad performances does not make for a terrible future, but it was very much a case of history repeating itself.<\/p>\n Just like the last two World Cups, the team were tipped as favourites and talked like they’d already booked themselves a place in the final before a ball was even kicked \u2013 and it wasn’t until the 88th minute of the first game that the England team could say they had done that.<\/p>\n Jordan Henderson played like his boots were lined with lead and seemed afraid of the ball; Michael Mancienne showed he was no captain; Phil Jones showed he wasn’t much of a better one either; and Daniel Sturridge failed to carry on his form from the tail end of the season with Bolton.<\/p>\n It was just like watching the senior side, but with more spots and less facial hair. From the evidence of the past two weeks, there’s more chance of Cesc Fabregas signing for Tottenham this summer than there is of England ever producing a team capable of winning something.<\/p>\n Michael Owen<\/strong> will win the 3:20 at Uttoxeter riding his horse, On the bench.<\/p>\n Liverpool<\/strong> fans will be up in arms as Raul Meireles<\/strong> is sold to finance a \u00a320 million move for Stewart Downing<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n \u2026. or then again it could be that Stuart Pearce is just an ancient numpty<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps we’re being a bit too hasty and reactionary \u2013 classic traits of us proud but fickle English \u2013 in writing off the nation’s talent.<\/p>\n Henderson, Jones and Sturridge will all now play for three of the biggest teams in the country and have shown that they have what it takes to feature for the senior side at some point, while Danny Welbeck has shown he has a bit of talent about him too, and there’s a certain young teenage midfielder at Arsenal who appears to have all the tools of a modern day playmaker tucked inside his little frame. (Mancienne, however, is absolutely dreadful.)<\/p>\n But for as long as the FA continue to employ relics from a bygone era then the under-21s will never be successful.<\/p>\n Stuart Pearce did take England to the final two years ago against Germany, but his utter failure over the past month \u2013 whether it’s been in directing his players or speaking to the media \u2013 mark him out as not so much yesterday’s man, but last century’s man.<\/p>\n He appears to be nothing more than a shouter \u2013 not surprising given his ‘Psycho’ moniker \u2013 but he’s not even a very good one at that.<\/p>\n Over the past fortnight he has declared that England were among the favourites, then that their greatest asset was that they never threw in the towel, before opening up his pie hole to scoff at the critics, effectively telling them that they could not possibly criticise him or his players because none of them have ever been in an international tournament.<\/p>\n Absolute tosh, especially that last part \u2013 WWLTW<\/em> has never been cast to play a leading man in a movie but knows that Keanu Reeves is an awful actor, for instance \u2013 but how bad a manager must Pearce be if he allows his team to fail at the one thing (not giving up) that he claims is built into their DNA?<\/p>\n Do us a favour, FA: sack that neanderthal and bring in someone with a bit of vision.<\/p>\n Spot the odd one out |<\/strong> Hint: it’s the one who looks a bit like Gareth from The Office<\/em><\/p>\n Ashley Young better bring a cushion with him to Manchester United<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n The England winger is one of the most talented players in the Premier League, on his day, which doesn’t come around all that often. The 25-year-old has shined, like James Milner did the season before, in a fairly mediocre Aston Villa side, but he still goes missing more regularly than the key to the snack cupboard at a weight loss camp.<\/p>\n He’s undoubtedly a good player who will improve the squad, but with Javier Hernandez, Wayne Rooney, and Dimitar Berbatov in the forward ranks (forget about Michael Owen, he’s just there to pick out horses for Sir Alex Ferguson in the Racing Post<\/em>) he won’t be playing behind a striker as he has done for much of the recent season.<\/p>\n And with Antonio Valencia pretty much locking down the right flank, and then Nani and Park Ji-Sung taking their turns to bust a gut down the left, Young will be able to make a nice groove into his spot on the bench at Old Trafford soon.<\/p>\n At least he’ll have Owen to natter to while he watches his new pals play, mind.<\/p>\n Slovakian footballers should not climb trees<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Maybe it’s because he was bored by Villas-Boas, or maybe, like WWLTW<\/em>, he’s gone a bit insane with the lack of proper football in Europe (the Under-21 Championship doesn’t count as there’s only one decent team in that), as there’s no other rational explanation why Kaiserslautern man Adam Nemec was up a tree the other day.<\/p>\n The Slovak striker slipped and fell down to earth with a bump and a few cracks, forcing him to undergo surgery on a broken collarbone, two smashed ribs, and with a nice bit of concussion on top.<\/p>\n It’s not quite as stupid as David James getting himself injured while at Liverpool by playing with his Nintendo too much (that is not a euphemism, he was apparently addicted to Mario Kart, just like Harry Redknapp is these days if you believe the adverts), nor quite as Homer Simpson-esque as Santiago Canizares missing out on the 2002 World Cup by dropping a bottle of aftershave on his foot, but Nemec’s ill-advised clamber up the cherry tree has meant he will miss the first three months of the new season.<\/p>\n WWLTW<\/em> advises him to chop his trees down so he doesn’t cause himself further harm. Actually, he should probably get the professionals in to take care of that.<\/p>\n Follow Nick Price on<\/strong><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>![\"\"](\"http:\/\/u.goal.com\/131900\/131972hp2.jpg\")
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\n What we will learn this weekend…
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Roman Abramovich<\/strong>, having gotten a bit bored of sharpening his axe, will sensationally sack Andre Villas-Boas<\/strong> for not winning anything by Sunday night.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/u.goal.com\/25900\/25942hp2.jpg\")
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