{"id":408013,"date":"2011-04-29T15:33:58","date_gmt":"2011-04-29T15:33:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ghanamma.net\/2011\/04\/29\/royal-wedding-tv-coverage-fearne-cotton-was-breathtakingly-banal\/"},"modified":"2011-04-29T15:33:58","modified_gmt":"2011-04-29T15:33:58","slug":"royal-wedding-tv-coverage-fearne-cotton-was-breathtakingly-banal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2011\/04\/29\/royal-wedding-tv-coverage-fearne-cotton-was-breathtakingly-banal\/","title":{"rendered":"Royal Wedding TV coverage: Fearne Cotton was breathtakingly banal"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

By Paul Connolly<\/a>
Last updated at 4:24 PM on 29th April 2011<\/p>\n

Today may have been a big day for Prince William and Kate Middleton, the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, but it was also a massive day for our broadcasters. Would the BBC, with the ever-dependable Huw Edwards at the helm, backed up by Sophie Raworth and the excitable Fearne Cotton, triumph or would it be a memorable day for ITV and their pairing of Julie Etchingham and Phillip Schofield. How would Sky News and Eamonn Holmes fare? And what would American networks make of the televisual event of the year?<\/p>\n

THE BUILD-UP<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s 7.30am and by presenting the show from outside Buckingham Palace and picking up the odd viewer too excited to sleep on the morning of the Royal Wedding, Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley on ITV’s Daybreak may have finally made it into triple figures, viewing figures-wise.<\/p>\n

\"Starting<\/p>\n

Starting things off: Christine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles presented coverage of the Royal Wedding today on ITV<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Adrian looks very pleased not to have to helm the entire day’s coverage, while Christine turns nearly every conversation onto the subject that will dominate the first half of the day – Kate Middleton\u2019s wedding dress and the designer thereof. She’s so excited about it, I worry that she might, as Frank Spencer often said in Some Mothers Do Have ‘Em, do a ‘whoopsy’ by accident. Deep breaths, Christine, deep breaths.<\/p>\n

Over on Sky News at 7.50am, Anne Jones buttonholed a comely lady in her forties who looked like she’d just stumbled out of a West End club or casino.<\/p>\n

\"Unthinking<\/p>\n

Unthinking man’s crumpet: Fearne Cotton presented for the BBC<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Dressed only in scanty lace top, the woman didn\u2019t appear to be the least bit bothered by the chill in the air. Turns out she’s a wedding dress designer, Caroline Castiglione.<\/p>\n

I forget what she said because I was more worried about her catching her death of cold. She really should have covered up. Couldn’t Sky have given her one of those tin-foil blankets handed out to runners after the London Marathon?<\/p>\n

Soon after BBC1’s coverage started at 8am, Fearne Cotton, the unthinking man’s crumpet, was unleashed by the regal Huw Edwards to snaffle some vox pops outside Buckingham Palace. She was rather more appropriately attired than the wedding dress designer, in a thick cream jacket, but even the sleeves of the jacket didn\u2019t quite cover up the tattoo on her wrist – classy look, Fearne.<\/p>\n

Fearne, displaying her unerring ability to mess things up, dived into the crowd outside Buckingham Palace and managed to pick a girl from Peterborough who was very keen to praise one of the BBC’s competitors. “We had a great night as the guys from Sky News kept us entertained.”<\/p>\n

Fearne, probably labouring under the illusion that Sky News was some form of niche weather forecast service, ploughed on regardless. If you listened hard enough, you could hear a dozen BBC executives slapping their heads in unison and demanding to see what kind of get-out clause had been inserted in Cotton’s contract.<\/p>\n

ITV opened up 25 minutes later with Julie Etchingham and Phillip Schofield. What with Julie\u2019s fetching orange dress and cardie and Phillip\u2019s, er, enhanced complexion they were a symphony in orange. When perma-tanned ex-Sunday Times editor Andrew Neill turned up later there would have been a nationwide scramble for the brightness button on the remote control.<\/p>\n

The odd thing about Etchingham and Schofield is that it\u2019s Schofield who has the higher voice \u2013 it\u2019s really quite distracting. Etchingham provides the gravitas while Phillip just chirrups away about nothing in particular.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re back to Fearne interviewing excitable people in jester hats (what is it with jester hats? Does anyone look good in one?). As soon as Fearne asked them a question and they responded you could see her eyes glaze over.<\/p>\n

Her vacuous stare reminds me of that joke about dogs and what they hear when their masters speak: \u2018Blah, blah, blah, Rover, blah, blah, Rover.\u2019 I suspect you only need to substitute the name Fearne for Rover and you\u2019ll have a fair idea of what it\u2019s like on Planet Cotton.<\/p>\n

Up in Edinburgh, where both Prince William and Kate Middleton attended university, Edith Bowman was not faring much better. Inexplicably she chose a lilac outfit so mumsy that both Hyacinth Bouquet and Susan Boyle would have rejected it. Luckily for her, the BBC\u2019s sound cut out before she said something. Oh, if only we had enjoyed the same level of fortune with Fearne.<\/p>\n

\"Suited<\/p>\n

Suited and booted: A suspiciously-tanned Phillip Schofield and co-presenter Julie Etchingham took over covering the ceremony on ITV<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

THE ARRIVAL OF GUESTS<\/h2>\n

American television networks had a field day with the vast array of hats as guests start to arrive at Westminster Abbey. “Look at this dang thing. What in the heck is that thing on her noggin?”, said Shep Smith of Fox News at the sight of one particularly outlandish titter.<\/p>\n

His colleague, Martha MacCallum, was scarcely less impressed with Princess Beatrice\u2019s fantastic Lady Gaga-esque hat: “Oh my goodness, it almost looks like an Easter egg on her head.” That, my dear Martha, is what you call style \u2013 you may well be a stranger to it.<\/p>\n

Their compatriot Willie Geist of MSNBC had more pressing concerns in Trafalgar Square: “The breaking news, the bars are open.” Willie, mate, please take Martha with you.<\/p>\n

\"Guests:<\/p>\n

Guests: The arrival of David and Victoria Beckham left everyone spinning outside Westminster Abbey<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

The BBC\u2019s Sophie Raworth had a quick chat with Grazia\u2019s Paula Reid about \u2013 you guessed it \u2013 Kate\u2019s dress. \u2018I can barely contain myself because I\u2019ve been rattling around in a vacuum of information for weeks,\u2019 she exclaimed breathlessly. Anyone else going to need a potty?<\/p>\n

Then there was the arrival of Posh and Becks. Everyone swooned, and quite right too. David Beckham looked great in his suit (even though that damned tattoo poked up above his collar), while Victoria looked utterly fantastic in her simple dress and fascinator.<\/p>\n

Tres chic \u2013 but couldn\u2019t you have given us the smallest grin, Victoria, dear? This was supposed to be a happy occasion.<\/p>\n

\"Hectic:<\/p>\n

Hectic: Sky News’ Eamonn Holmes struggled to keep on top of the live coverage<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"'Isn't<\/p>\n

‘Isn’t it pretty?’ Holmes commented on TPT’s nose<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Sky News, meanwhile, were not having the best time of it. While interviewing the Prime Minister, David Cameron, about the happy couple, they cut the PM off mid-sentence and instead showed us Tara Palmer-Tomkinson arriving at the Abbey. Eamonn Holmes, clearly flustered, tried to wing it.<\/p>\n

\u2018Ah, here\u2019s Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. She\u2019s had recent surgery on her nose as well, which, I must say, looks very, very pretty.\u2019 No it doesn\u2019t Eamonn. It looks as though she\u2019s been on the front row of the English rugby union team\u2019s scrum for the last decade. Stephen Fry has a prettier nose, for heaven\u2019s sake.<\/p>\n

All channels were united in their love of the outfit of Carol Middleton, Kate\u2019s mother. Kate Riordan of Tatler said, \u2018I think Carol has taken a lot of stick in the run-up but I think she looks magnificent. She’s brought up this most amazing daughter, who’s played a blinder. She looks fantastic.\u2019<\/p>\n

When Prince William and Prince Harry showed up, resplendent in their uniforms, I half expected Fearne Cotton to bounce out of nowhere and say: \u2018Which side are you two on, bride or groom? And why are you wearing fancy dress?\u2019<\/p>\n

And then Pippa Middleton, Kate\u2019s sister and maid honour, turned up in a very slinky number. Phillip Schofield\u2019s reaction was very amusing. \u2018She looks FANTASTIC!!\u2019 he yelped, probably feverishly mopping his brow off camera as Julie and Andrew glowed brightly next to him. He was right, though, she did look fantastic.<\/p>\n

THE DRESS AND THE CEREMONY<\/h2>\n

If you thought Schofield\u2019s response to Pippa was rather enthusiastic, you should have heard Huw Edwards on Kate\u2019s dress as she shimmied into the car for the short drive to the Abbey. Over a hazy picture of Kate\u2019s modest cleavage Huw noted, “It’s a limited view but a delightful view.\u2019 Easy tiger, that’s a future Queen you’re talking about!<\/p>\n

\n

Who looked best? The presenters were whipped into a frenzy by both Kate Middleton’s dress and the McQueen number worn by Kate’s sister Pippa<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

As Kate disembarked at the Abbey and the full beauty of her dress was revealed, it was all too much for one of the fashionistas on the BBC: \u2018I am beside myself \u2013 this is SUCH a fashion moment,\u2019 she squealed, as BBC staff rushed around to hunt down that very last potty.<\/p>\n

Thankfully the wedding ceremony was an oasis of calm as neither of the two major channels had anyone wittering over it. But it didn\u2019t last long.<\/p>\n

THE PROCESSION BACK TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE<\/h2>\n

The BBC relied on steady Huw to talk us gently through the raucous procession back to the Palace, while ITV\u2019s Etchingham and Schofield were a little more voluble. \u201cThere\u2019ll be many weddings up and down the country this weekend but none quite like this one,\u2019 Schofield said at one point, managing to be breathtakingly banal and insulting to thousands of couples at the same time.<\/p>\n

\"Steady<\/p>\n

Steady and slow wins the race: Huw Edwards succeeded in keeping viewers fully informed about everything going on during the day<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Over on the BBC, Huw oversaw a fascinating chat with Sir Malcolm Ross, a man with strong royal connections. How would the photographs be going, Huw asked. Ross smiled knowingly: ‘The photographer has a job to do as there are those being photographed who will be grumpy if it goes on too long.\u2019<\/p>\n

You would not have blamed the BBC if they\u2019d flashed up a subliminal image of the Duke of Edinburgh at precisely that point.<\/p>\n

THE BALCONY SCENE<\/h2>\n

There was only one thing on everyone\u2019s minds \u2013 the kiss. It was a brief, chaste moment but who can blame William and Kate? They were in front of thousands of people so it\u2019s hardly the most romantic of settings.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t enough for orange Andrew Neill on ITV. \u2018Was that long enough?\u2019, he asked. \u2018They may have to do it again,\u2019 he said, coming across like some creepy elderly uncle. However, Neill got his wish and they kissed again, this time for longer. And then they were gone.<\/p>\n

\"Was<\/p>\n

Was it long enough? Many commentators spoke, rather creepily, on whether Prince William and Kate’s kiss was long enough<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

BATTLE OF THE CHANNELS \u2013 THE RESULT…<\/h2>\n

Surprisingly, given, the BBC\u2019s reputation for handling major events such as this, their coverage lacked a certain pizzazz. Sure, Huw Edwards was steady but both Fearne Cotton and Edith Bowman were terrible and The One Show\u2019s Alex Jones was wasted out in Kate Middleton\u2019s hometown of Bucklebury.<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t even get me started on Matt Allwright who was shuffling around in Hyde Park wearing a grubby raincoat that made him look like TV detective Columbo minus the cigar.<\/p>\n

ITV\u2019s coverage, however, was more vibrant (and I\u2019m not just talking about the presenters’ clothes and skin colouring) and injected more excitement into proceedings. ITV treated the event as the celebration it undoubtedly was and its coverage gets my vote. As for Sky News, well, better luck next time.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n

Explore more:<\/h3>\n
\n
People:<\/dt>\n
Kate Middleton<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
David Beckham<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Lady Gaga<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Eamonn Holmes<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Victoria Beckham<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Pippa Middleton<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
David Cameron<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Julie Etchingham<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Fearne Cotton<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Edith Bowman<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Sophie Raworth<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Christine Bleakley<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Adrian Chiles<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Susan Boyle<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Phillip Schofield<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Stephen Fry<\/a><\/dd>\n
Places:<\/dt>\n
Edinburgh<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Cambridge<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Buckingham Palace<\/a>,<\/dd>\n
Westminster Abbey<\/a><\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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