Orgasms are natural, so you\u2019d think women would have no trouble experiencing one any time they wanted one\u2026 or two\u2026 or 10. Still, about 70% of women fake it at some point. What gives? Here are 10 tips to get to the \u201cbig O.\u201d Plus, how much do you want it? Rate your sex drive with our quiz\u2026<\/p>\n
Maybe you\u2019re too stressed out to enjoy a climax. Perhaps your partner\u2019s not all that, ahem, stimulating.<\/p>\n
Whatever the cause, it\u2019s time to stop going through the motions and start getting the big payoff.<\/p>\n
Here are 10 ways to help yourself have amazing orgasms:<\/p>\n
1. Get out of your head
If you\u2019ve got a negative tape loop running through your brain \u2013 Nice girls don\u2019t\u2026 My thighs are too fat\u2026 I\u2019ll be too loud \u2013 hit the Stop button! Self-criticism is a major passion squelcher.<\/p>\n
If your guy is in bed with you, he\u2019s not thinking about whether your thighs jiggle or your bum looks like orange peel.<\/p>\n
And nice girls do enjoy orgasms, so release your inner vixen and let her have some fun.<\/p>\n
2. Experiment… or not
Fur-lined handcuffs. Light spanking. Role play. There\u2019s nothing wrong with (safely) pushing the sexual envelope. Then again, there\u2019s nothing wrong with the tried and true.<\/p>\n
Being adventurous doesn\u2019t make you trashy. And being aroused by missionary-position sex doesn\u2019t make you a prude. It just means you know what feels good to you. Which brings us to\u2026<\/p>\n
3. Love yourself
You can\u2019t tell your partner what you like if you don\u2019t know. So take your fingers for a walk and find out what makes you see stars. Hard and fast? Slow and soft? Experiment with different kinds of touch and different rhythms.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou learn about orgasms by having them with yourself,\u201d says Betty Dodson, Ph.D., author of Orgasms for Two (Three Rivers Press).<\/p>\n
4. Find your G-spot… or not
The existence of the G-spot (named for German scientist Ernst Grafenberg, who first described it) is as hotly debated as the existence of extraterrestrials. Some sexperts believe this sensual real estate exists; others insist it\u2019s sheer fantasy. Which camp do you fall into? That usually depends on whether you get orgasms from clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration.<\/p>\n
So where’s this magic place? It\u2019s behind the belly and pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina. You can locate yours with fingers and some sex positions (being on top is one of the best). Just remember, the G-spot isn\u2019t the holy grail of sex. <\/p>\n
\u201cAll women have this sensitive area,\u201d assures sex researcher Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., co-author of The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press). \u201cBut not everyone likes it stimulated, just as not everyone likes when someone blows in their ear.\u201d<\/p>\n
5. All roads lead to \u2018O\u2019
There are lots of ways to reach orgasm. Some women can climax when their breasts are touched or when their necks are rubbed. Other lucky gals get there by fantasizing \u2013 without any touch at all. The point? Be adventurous when exploring sexual terrain. You never know what will send you over the edge.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve gotten into this mindset that there\u2019s only one type of orgasm, and it\u2019s from stimulating the clitoris,\u201d Whipple says. \u201cThere are many other ways women can have orgasmic experiences.\u201d<\/p>\n
6. Tell \u2019em what you want
Once you\u2019ve figured out what works for you, clue your partner in too. Trust us; he wants to know. Especially if what gets you off bears no resemblance to what he thinks is working.<\/p>\n
Most feigned orgasms are \u201cmercy fakes,\u201d says Chicago sex and relationship therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., and author of The Passion Prescription (Hyperion).<\/p>\n
But if you let your partner think he\u2019s making the grade when he\u2019s falling short, he won\u2019t do anything differently. And that leaves you, well, faking it.<\/p>\n
How can you feel fireworks without trampling your partner\u2019s ego?<\/p>\n
Give soft and sultry directions, Berman says. In your sexiest voice, whisper \u201cI go crazy when you ___.\u201d Or simply take your partner\u2019s fingers (or lips or tongue or penis) on a tour of your erogenous zones.<\/p>\n
And let him know that you\u2019re not always going to come, even if he\u2019s doing everything right, Berman notes. It\u2019ll ease the pressure and let you both enjoy the ride.<\/p>\n
7. Give yourself a hand
Contrary to steamy Hollywood sex scenes, only 30% of women have orgasms through intercourse. So if penetration doesn’t quite do it, not to worry. There\u2019s nothing wrong with you. Life doesn\u2019t always imitate art.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be shy. Reach down and give yourself a helping hand during sex.<\/p>\n
8. Full speed ahead with foreplay
Share this tidbit with your guy: Men can go from zero to orgasm in seven minutes, but women take as long as 20 to get warmed up. That\u2019s why foreplay was invented.<\/p>\n
It revs the engines, even if you\u2019re not feeling frisky because the brain is a major sex organ. And if you\u2019re mentally paying bills while your partner is looking for thrills, the only thing you\u2019re likely to share is a sexless spat.<\/p>\n
Redefine foreplay, Berman suggests. Let your hubby put the kids to bed while you unwind with a bath and candles.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen [you\u2019ll be] in a better place to respond sexually,\u201d Berman notes.<\/p>\n
9. Better than ibuprofen
For years women have used the ol\u2019 dodge Not tonight, I\u2019ve got a headache.<\/p>\n
Turns out, we should\u2019ve been saying the opposite. Orgasms trigger endorphins, those feel-good brain chemicals that improve mood and curb pain.<\/p>\n
Check out In Pain? Have an Orgasm for more information.<\/p>\n
Animal studies have shown that orgasms can be as potent as morphine in quelling headaches, menstrual cramps, even whiplash and arthritis.<\/p>\n
True, the relief is short-lived (about eight minutes long), but orgasms aren\u2019t toxic to your liver and they won\u2019t upset your tummy like over-the-counter pain relievers can.<\/p>\n
10. Get the blood flowing
Exercise isn’t just good for your heart, it\u2019s great for your sex life. Running, walking, biking and other cardio gets blood moving everywhere \u2013 even down there. And the better the circulation, the better the titillation.<\/p>\n
And don\u2019t forget Kegels. It\u2019s strength training for your pubococcygeus (or PC) muscles \u2013 the ones that hold up your vagina, anus, uterus, bladder and urethra.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe stronger these muscles are, the more intense your orgasms will be,\u201d Berman promises.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t know how to work out your Kegels? Next time you pee, try stopping the flow. Those are your Kegel muscles. Just don\u2019t make it a habit to do Kegels when you urinate, because stopping and starting the flow continuously can increase your risk for urinary tract infections.<\/p>\n
Berman recommends doing 100-150 Kegel squeezes a day to keep them in sexy shape. You can do them anywhere, anytime (just not while peeing).<\/p>\n
Yoga, Pilates and other core-strengthening workouts also tone PC muscles.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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