\u201cI still want to be friends.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re better as friends than lovers.\u201d Those words are the kiss of death in many relationships. Are they simply said to soften the blow or are they genuine? Even with the best of intentions, it\u2019s tough to become buddies after a breakup. <\/p>\n
According to a 2004 NBC.com poll, 48% of people surveyed said they remained friends with their ex. And 18% of those surveyed said that they\u2019ve tried, but it didn\u2019t work. Can you really be friends with a former lover? Find out now. Plus: Are you over your ex? <\/p>\n
There\u2019s no way around it \u2013 breaking up is hard to do, as most of us know from first-hand experience. <\/p>\n
Ending a relationship is especially painful when you\u2019ve invested a lot of time and emotional energy. <\/p>\n
Naturally, the thought of never seeing or speaking to your loved one again is scary. That\u2019s why so many couples want to remain friends.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s why so many women believe a platonic relationship is better than losing someone entirely.<\/p>\n
According to a 2004 NBC.com poll, 48% of people surveyed said they remained friends with their ex. Better odds than you might have thought? And 18% of those surveyed said that they\u2019ve tried, but it didn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n
Staying friends with your ex depends on the nature of the romance. Did you start as pals or commit to each other shortly after meeting? How long did the relationship last? Was the breakup mutual or was one party blindsided? Did a betrayal occur? Do you have children together?<\/p>\n
Answering the questions above will give you a clearer sense of whether or not post-relationship friendship is realistic. If you\u2019re still unsure, ask yourself the following four questions before agreeing to turn your ex into your buddy. (See related article: Are You Over Your Ex?)<\/p>\n
1. What Will the Nature of the Friendship Be?
Will you remain close or does \u201cLet\u2019s just be friends\u201d mean you\u2019ll simply be pleasant when you happen to bump into each other?<\/p>\n
There are different types of friendships: friends you go out with, friends you see only on occasion, friends in whom you confide everything.<\/p>\n
Which category will your ex fall into? He may not fit neatly into any of them because of your relationship\u2019s complicated nature. <\/p>\n
Maybe you\u2019ll continue your Thursday night bowling dates, but will you be able to share the things that real friends do? But maybe you won\u2019t even care It may prove especially tricky if you\u2019re used to sharing your innermost thoughts with him.<\/p>\n
Once you break up, it can be hard to know what\u2019s OK to discuss and what\u2019s too personal to disclose. <\/p>\n
What level of friendship do you want? If you want your ex to be more acquaintance than BFF, you\u2019ll probably be able to come to terms with the breakup and get on with your life.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re hoping to continue a deep friendship, on the other hand, you\u2019ll probably run into some confusion down the line. <\/p>\n
2. Can You Take Passion Out of the Equation?
Chances are, the two of you shared some intimate moments. And as the old saying goes, sex changes everything. Relationships end, but that doesn\u2019t mean attraction falls by the wayside.<\/p>\n
Watch out for leftover lust; it can send your move from passionate to platonic up in smoke. After all, you can\u2019t have your cake and eat it, too. <\/p>\n
No matter how much you pledge not to become \u201cfriends with benefits,\u201d it\u2019s not easy resisting the urge to grab your ex\u2019s hand or to get frisky. Needless to say, doing so slows the recovery process and often puts you through an emotional wringer. (See related article: Sex with Your Ex?)<\/p>\n
3. What About Other Romantic Prospects?
After a breakup, dating might seem like the last thing you want to do. But eventually it will happen. And staying friends with your ex could sabotage a future romance. Most people are far from keen on the idea of you fraternizing with a past lover.<\/p>\n
In fact, it breeds jealousy and distrust in new relationships. Another key question to ask yourself: How will you feel when your ex starts dating other women? <\/p>\n
4. Can You Truly Move On?
This is an especially important question to ask if you didn\u2019t initiate the breakup. <\/p>\n
Hanging onto the \u201cfriendship\u201d can prevent you from opening the next chapter of your life. Whether it\u2019s getting back in the dating scene or finding a new group of friends to hang out with, clinging to your ex (especially if the relationship didn\u2019t end on good terms) will inevitably delay your healing process. <\/p>\n
After all, how can you move on from someone who you still make such a huge part of your everyday life? <\/p>\n
And if the breakup wasn\u2019t mutual, a friendship could be fueling false hopes for one of you. Are you prepared to break up, make up and then do it all over again? Even if the relationship ended for a good reason, you can still repeat an unhealthy cycle. <\/p>\n
The hardest part of breaking up is the reality that you won\u2019t be involved in your ex\u2019s daily life anymore.<\/p>\n
And remaining friends might feel like a good way to ease the blow. But you need to think about what\u2019s best for you in the long term, even when you\u2019re devastated and going through the initial grieving process. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s not about him and what he wants at this point; it\u2019s about what\u2019s going to be the best way for you to move on and heal yourself. <\/p>\n
That\u2019s why there\u2019s nothing wrong with taking time between the breakup and the \u201clet\u2019s stay friends\u201d decision.<\/p>\n
Odds are, you\u2019ll realize it\u2019s not as realistic as you\u2019d hoped, and that ultimately it\u2019s better to reestablish a friendship after you\u2019ve both distanced yourselves from the relationship and gained more perspective.<\/p>\n
So, should you be friends with your ex? Only you can decide. Do yourself a favor by answering the tough questions honestly and proceeding with caution. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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