Despite our reputation for always wanting to talk, women still seem to be a mystery to men. And it\u2019s this basic difference that can turn our simple requests (\u201cCan you empty the dishwasher?\u201d) into a fight about how you don\u2019t like his mother.<\/p>\n
Women aren\u2019t blame-free, but sometimes it is the fellas\u2019 fault.<\/p>\n
The fact is, men and women are hard-wired differently. And although we\u2019ve evolved from our cave-dwelling days, genes still trigger modern-day gaffes, says Alison Armstrong, who teaches national seminars designed to bridge the gender gap.<\/p>\n
Blame the miscommunication on age-old \u201chunter\u201d and \u201cgatherer\u201d traits, she says.<\/p>\n
Men fall back on their own wants and needs \u2013 instead of their partner\u2019s \u2013 when making a relationship game plan, says Patricia Love, a marriage and family therapist, author of The Truth About Love and co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It (Broadway).<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s like the Golden Rule: Do unto others as they would do unto you. Men treat women like they want to be treated,\u201d she says. \u201cBut that misses the mark because men and women are different.\u201d<\/p>\n
Does your man make any of these 8 common mistakes with you?<\/p>\n
Mistake #1: Not Listening
Sound familiar? It\u2019s the No. 1 complaint women have about their partners.<\/p>\n
Men underestimate the power of simply listening, Love says. But it isn\u2019t all his fault.<\/p>\n
Women get a dopamine hit and build bonds through conversation. The average man doesn\u2019t get that same high.<\/p>\n
\u201cMen don\u2019t understand that women talk to connect,\u201d Love says. \u201cA man thinks she is talking to tell him something.\u201d<\/p>\n
And his natural tendency is to fix whatever problem the woman in his life is presenting\u2026 whether she asked for help or not.<\/p>\n
The Fix: Three simple words are magic for women, Love says: \u201cTell me more.\u201d And if he really wants to sweeten the deal? \u201cI\u2019m interested.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mistake #2: Not Offering Help
We\u2019ve spent the day at the office, made dinner and fed the dog. Is it too much to hope that our man would do the dishes without being asked?<\/p>\n
When a woman needs or wants help, she may not ask for it. No one wants to admit she can\u2019t live up to Superwoman expectations, Armstrong says.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis one is so huge,\u201d Love agrees. A man who doesn\u2019t understand the power of the broom may feel the consequences in the bedroom. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t understand that housework and sex are very related.\u201d<\/p>\n
How? \u201cFor the average woman, housework pours cold water on foreplay. But seeing her man do housework? That\u2019s foreplay,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
So what\u2019s a well-intentioned man to do?<\/p>\n
The Fix: First, guys need to look up from the TV and see what their women are doing. Most likely, she’s not relaxing. Is she doing chores? It\u2019s time to pitch in.<\/p>\n
Second, men need to remove the word \u201chelp\u201d from their offer. As wannabe Superwomen, our natural response is, \u201cNo, I\u2019ll do it.\u201d If hubby asks, \u201cIs there something I can do?\u201d you\u2019re more likely to embrace his offer.<\/p>\n
Mistake #3: Thinking Men and Women are Alike
Why did he give you an Xbox for your birthday? Because it\u2019s what he would like\u2026 so naturally you would too.<\/p>\n
When men \u201cgive,\u201d it\u2019s often based on what they want, not what their partner wants,\u201d says Michael Broder, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Can Your Relationship Be Saved? (Impact Publishers)<\/p>\n
This extends even to bedroom activities.<\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t just a guy trait, though. \u201cPeople are naturally self-referential,\u201d Armstrong agrees. We assume another human is just like us.<\/p>\n
Men and woman often have compatible interests, but when they don’t it \u201ccauses giant rifts in the relationship,\u201d Broder says.<\/p>\n
The Fix: He needs to learn about your needs. What turns you on? How can he support you?<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s easy to gain this valuable information: He simply needs to ask.<\/p>\n
\u201cOpening up that line of communication will show almost instant results,\u201d Broder says. \u201cOtherwise, chances are you\u2019re either going to lose the relationship or there\u2019s going to be retaliation of some kind.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mistake #4: Misunderstanding the \u2018Silent Treatment\u2019
Guys think they\u2019re being punished when their gal gives them the cold shoulder. In reality, the silence means she\u2019s hurt and can\u2019t speak, Armstrong says.<\/p>\n
They also have it wrong when the silence lingers. He may believe the wound has healed, but when she\u2019s not talking at all, the relationship has gone from bad to worse.<\/p>\n
\u201cMen make the mistake of thinking that silence is a good sign, but she may be making an exit plan,\u201d Love says.<\/p>\n
The Fix: When a woman is quiet, a man needs to ask what\u2019s wrong. He needs to check on his partner and relationship.<\/p>\n
The magic words? \u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind, Honey?\u201d<\/p>\n
The best thing a man can do is reach out with compassion, Armstrong says. It\u2019s key to making a woman feel safe enough to express her real emotions.<\/p>\n
Not sure where to start? He should say, \u201cI don\u2019t know what I did, but I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d she suggests.<\/p>\n
Mistake #5: Failing to Communicate
It\u2019s a common complaint women have about men: Why won\u2019t he just tell me what he\u2019s thinking?<\/p>\n
As ancient hunters, men needed to conserve calories. Today, they save words \u2013 which is why they don\u2019t verbalize what\u2019s obvious to them, Armstrong says.<\/p>\n
When you suggest going to the movies, your guy may say \u201cno\u201d without explanation. In his mind, the rationale is obvious: The theater will be too crowded; parking will be hard; he\u2019s tired from work.<\/p>\n
But that\u2019s not clear to you and when he doesn\u2019t offer information, it sends the wrong message.<\/p>\n
We think, He never wants to do what I want; he doesn\u2019t want to spend time with me; he\u2019s a cheapskate. \u201cWe make up all these other reasons,\u201d Armstrong says.<\/p>\n
The Fix: He has to speak up.<\/p>\n
\u201cMen will be 100 times more successful with women if they explain and counteroffer,\u201d Armstrong says.<\/p>\n
Even if their alternate plans never happen, it will leave you feeling connected instead of rejected.<\/p>\n
Mistake #6: Thinking That \u2018Physically Present Is Enough\u2019
A man believes that if his body is in the house, it\u2019s a form of intimacy, Love says. Never mind that he\u2019s on the computer in the office and you\u2019re watching a movie in the family room. <\/p>\n
\u201cTandem activities are intimacy for guys,\u201d Love says. \u201cJust your presence is comforting to him.\u201d<\/p>\n
But the same doesn\u2019t hold true for women. For the fairer sex to feel close, a man must reach out physically, emotionally or mentally.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne of your senses has to be stimulated,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
The Fix: It\u2019s about the three Ts: talking, touching and tuning in. Men need to make contact with a woman for her to feel intimacy.<\/p>\n
\u201cUnless there’s S.O.S. \u2013 skin on skin \u2013 contact or eye contact, it doesn\u2019t count,\u201d Love says.<\/p>\n
Mistake #7: Feeling Hurt by a Woman\u2019s Distractions
For women, multi-tasking is second nature. That\u2019s OK with your girlfriends, but your man views it differently.<\/p>\n
For example, if you answer the phone or turn off boiling water in the middle of an important conversation with him, he thinks you\u2019re not listening.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut we\u2019re not choosing,\u201d Armstrong says. \u201cWe\u2019re reacting to something that\u2019s more pressing in our environment.\u201d<\/p>\n
So how can a man get a woman\u2019s full attention?<\/p>\n
The Fix: Men should hold her hand when talking to her. \u201cIf he\u2019s touching her in some way, he\u2019ll be the loudest thing in her environment,\u201d Armstrong says.<\/p>\n
Mistake #8: Not Getting How We Operate
DNA makes men and women navigate the world differently. <\/p>\n
Prehistoric men (hunters) had to focus to capture prey; women (gatherers) had to be aware of everything around them to spot that ripe berry bush.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a completely different orientation toward life,\u201d Armstrong says. \u201cThe hunter is committed to something specific; the gatherer is open to possibilities.\u201d<\/p>\n
That age-old dynamic exists today: A man screens out everything irrelevant to his task. He may notice the overflowing trash can or the socks on the floor, but he won\u2019t do anything about them if his focus is elsewhere.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
![](\"http:\/\/www.ghanamma.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/03\/201ed65bget.media_1831-150x90.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
Read the original here:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What do women want? Men have been asking this question since the beginning of time. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-347712","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-business"},"yoast_head":"\n