1. You\u2019re not as detached as you think.
Call it the curse (and blessing) of “Sex and the City.” Guys finally got the message that women don\u2019t always see hookups as a step toward a marriage proposal.<\/p>\n
But the TV series and movie also advanced the idea of unemotional sex, which, according to science, is more difficult than it seems.<\/p>\n
Sex releases a different set of brain chemicals in women than men, says Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both (Riverhead Hardcover).<\/p>\n
Women get a large dose of oxytocin, the hormone that makes you want to bond and create relationships. Men don\u2019t get the oxytocin rush because of testosterone, making it easier for them to \u201clove ’em and leave ’em.\u201d<\/p>\n
Evolution has hard-wired us for these tendencies, Stepp says, which can be confusing in our sexually liberated world. You may want the sex to be casual\u2026 but you could end up with a serious case of attachment.<\/p>\n
2. He may be cheating on someone\u2026 with you!
It\u2019s not your problem, you say; you\u2019re not being unfaithful. But ask yourself: Do you really want to be the other woman \u2013 the one who breaks up a relationship and causes another woman\u2019s heartbreak? We\u2019re guessing not.<\/p>\n
Even the sneakiest guy sends clues that he\u2019s taken. Among them:<\/p>\n
* He gives you only his cell phone number and leaves the room to take calls.<\/p>\n
* He suggests hanging out at your place but never offers up his own.<\/p>\n
* He avoids taking you to certain neighborhoods (and not because they\u2019re dangerous).<\/p>\n
* Suddenly, no one has a name. He was out with \u201cthe guys\u201d or \u201cpeople from work.\u201d<\/p>\n
* He becomes defensive when you ask him questions about his weekend plans or where he hangs out. <\/p>\n
Even if you\u2019re not planning a long-term relationship, you should avoid him and his unfaithful ways.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re hoping your night of passion leads to a relationship, remember: Once a cheater, always a cheater.<\/p>\n
3. He\u2019s a taker.
\u201cTaking\u201d isn\u2019t always about money. A guy can suck up your time, attention or sexual generosity.<\/p>\n
Take money, for example: There\u2019s no right or wrong when it comes to who pays for dates, as long as you\u2019re both OK with the arrangement. But if you open your wallet more often than you\u2019d like and you\u2019ve told him, it\u2019s probably time to cash in and call it quits.<\/p>\n
He may also exploit your attraction in other ways. Can you pick him up from the airport? (Cabs cost so much!) Do his laundry? (He\u2019s out of soap.) Host his buddies to watch the game? (You\u2019re such a good cook.) Buy his mom a birthday present? (He has no idea what to get her.) You\u2019ve got a taker.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, this attitude usually continues in the bedroom. Don\u2019t expect this guy to be attentive to your needs and preferences \u2013 most likely, his pleasure comes first\u2026 and last.<\/p>\n
4. He\u2019s clingy.
Some women like this quality. But too often clingy turns into possessive, demanding and selfish.<\/p>\n
Beware of someone who moves at the speed of light to win you over. It\u2019s usually a sign that he\u2019s uncomfortable being by himself, or he\u2019s looking for a woman to solve his problems. Asking for intimacy too quickly could be an act of desperation, a bad quality in a significant other.<\/p>\n
Signs he\u2019s clingy include:<\/p>\n
* He calls you several times a day and wants to talk for hours at a time, even when you have important things to do.<\/p>\n
* He becomes short-tempered or whiny when you want to spend time with anyone else.<\/p>\n
* He\u2019s excessively close to his mom (or both parents). He expects you to mother him the way she does. <\/p>\n
5. He just got out of a relationship.
Timing is everything. A rebound relationship might work out, but a recent breakup is usually a big, glaring red flag. If you\u2019ve been through a bad split, you know it takes a long time to completely recover. And if your guy is newly single, he\u2019s still going through recovery.<\/p>\n
Most likely, he\u2019s not ready for a long-term commitment right now, even if he thinks he is. He may be seeking another relationship to prove to himself that he’s still desirable and worthy of love and affection\u2026 especially if he didn\u2019t initiate the breakup. He could also be looking for validation that he wasn\u2019t at fault.<\/p>\n
Of course, guys aren\u2019t always that introspective and may have a simpler view. You know those movies in which buddies tell a guy to \u201cnail some chick\u201d to heal his broken heart? Don\u2019t be that chick. Not unless you\u2019re 100% sure your interest in him lies only below the belt.<\/p>\n
6. He\u2019s bad in bed.
Alas, usually you don\u2019t discover this until you\u2019re already in bed. But here are clues that you\u2019re in for a ho-hum hump.<\/p>\n
First, think twice if he\u2019s a bad kisser – they’re rarely good in bed. Perhaps it\u2019s because he never learned proper technique, or he thinks he kisses just fine. If the latter, he\u2019s not going to be receptive to constructive criticism in bed.<\/p>\n
Also, does he seem more interested in \u201cscoring\u201d than in you? Some guys are simply looking to add another notch to their bedpost. Men like this won\u2019t take the time to find out what works for you between the sheets. Instead of a steamy, sexy romp, you could get a \u201cwham-bam, thank you, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n
7. He may have an STD.
Unfortunately, women are more susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases than men. It has nothing to do with promiscuity; our anatomy makes us simply more vulnerable to infection. STDs are also more difficult to detect in women.<\/p>\n
There are more than 25 known STDs \u2013 some curable (chlamydia, gonorrhea), some not (HPV, herpes, HIV\/AIDS). Many can be transmitted through oral sex, so you\u2019re not playing it any safer that way. In fact, having unprotected oral sex puts you at especially high risk for gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes and hepatitis B. Condoms offer partial but not total protection against genital warts and genital herpes.<\/p>\n
That’s enough to make a girl stay home and date Ben & Jerry. But there\u2019s no reason to swear off sex. Just go armed with condoms and questions about your guy\u2019s sexual history.<\/p>\n
8. You\u2019re drunk.
There are so many reasons this is a big don\u2019t. Being intoxicated usually results in regrettable behavior and poor decisions. Like swinging from a chandelier\u2026 or forgoing a condom.<\/p>\n
Between STDs, pregnancy risks and generally unscrupulous guys, being drunk isn\u2019t the best time to decide whom to, ahem, open yourself up to.<\/p>\n
Those three Long Island iced teas may give you the courage to approach that hot guy you\u2019ve been eyeing. But how do you know he really likes you? To him, you could be the slutty, sloshed girl he hopes won\u2019t puke in his bed.<\/p>\n
Need another reason not to do it under the influence? In the era of cell-phone cameras and YouTube, your fling may not stay private.<\/p>\n
9. You\u2019re not over your ex.
The same issues from No. 5 apply to women too. Breakups are painful, and too often we try to forget that hurt by getting naked with a new guy. But jumping back into the dating scene may not be the bandage your broken heart needs, says Sandra Ann Miller, author of A Sassy Little Guide to Getting Over Him (SAME Ink). And sleeping with someone else isn\u2019t revenge on your ex\u2026 unless your boy toy is Brad Pitt.<\/p>\n
\u201cPut yourself on a guy diet for a while, and put all the attention on yourself,\u201d Miller says. Hang out with friends, pick up interests or hobbies that have been neglected \u2013 in general, get to know yourself again.<\/p>\n
As for the new guy, if he\u2019s as great as you think, he won\u2019t shut you out for not putting out. Become friends first, so when you\u2019re ready to take it to the next level, you\u2019ll know it\u2019s for the right reason.<\/p>\n
10. You\u2019re not even attracted to him.
Sometimes we sleep with people who simply don\u2019t attract us. Maybe you\u2019re lonely, bored or looking for confirmation that you\u2019re desirable. In that case, you\u2019re using him. <\/p>\n
This may damage your mental health, particularly if you\u2019re feeling vulnerable. You might think a fling will make you feel attractive and empowered, but those emotions are fleeting. Chances are you\u2019ll end up feeling used, empty or guilty instead. The underlying problem hasn\u2019t been addressed.<\/p>\n
And what about his feelings? You may not like him, but he may want a relationship with you.<\/p>\n
Seek out a therapist\u2019s help; he or she can help you figure out why you\u2019re engaging in potentially destructive behavior.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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See more here: <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You’ve met your possible Mr. Right, and all you want to do is take it to the next level<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-332501","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard"],"yoast_head":"\n